Everything matters

I’m often reminded of how important the little things are in life. Of course, if you’ve read this blog with any regularity, you know that there are no such things as, “little things.” Scripture reaffirms the truth that how we handle the little things will be a reflection of the larger opportunities God gives us. Check out this parable Jesus used to teach this principle. Traci and I had a date night last week, and thanks to the work of a friend, we were able to enjoy dinner and a movie. Last December, at our local theater, we purchased the theater’s large, refillable, plastic popcorn tub so that we can enjoy movie theater popcorn (my favorite!) for just $4 for each refill. So after dinner, we took our bucket to the concession stand, bought  a refill and a small Coke.

As we sat down in our theater and were watching previews, Traci suddenly asked, “Did you get a free popcorn refill tonight?” No, I wasn’t supposed to. At that point we both realized that while I had been chatting it up with the server, he had charged me for the Coke but not for the popcorn refill.

I hopped out of my seat, headed back to the counter and waited for the cashier to finish with another customer. He looked puzzled and asked if he could help with anything. I didn’t have my receipt (pitched it as I left the counter) but told him I was pretty sure he only charged me for a small Coke (which he agreed), but I reminded him that he refilled our popcorn tub. I owed him $4 and wanted to make sure I paid my popcorn debt.

It was funny. His jaw dropped open and he was speechless. Seriously, he was speechless over a $4 pay back. Keep in mind, it was $4 that I actually owed to him! He thanked me four or five times, and made the comment, “I’m not sure many people would have come back to pay for that.”

A couple days later I had lunch downtown, while doing some work on my phone. I was sitting outside, during a beautiful afternoon, enjoying my meal. All the other customers were eating inside.

When I finished, I grabbed my plate, my cup, my napkins (I’m a messy eater!) and the little sauce caddy my waitress had brought out, and carried it all inside. When I walked through the front door, the look on her face said it all. She gushed, -- I’m not joking, she gushed! -- “You didn’t have to do that! That’s so kind of you! No one brings their stuff in, honey, that’s my job. Oh my word, I can’t believe you did that. Thank you. Wow. Thank you!”

It was so simple: paying back $4 that was overlooked, and picking up after myself. Yet those two simple acts influenced the day of two people that I might not others wise have influenced.

I often wonder how many of those opportunities I miss when I let my day revolve around me, instead of around the opportunities God puts in front of me. I know how grateful I am when someone does that “little” act for me, so I know how much it can matter to others, too!

Who could you bless today by doing the simple things today? In fact, is there just one “little” act of kindness, love or grace you could offer today that might bless someone whether they know it was you who performed it? What conversations or friendship might God open up with a simple act of thoughtfulness? What would it take for you to ask God, each day, to use you to be a blessing to others? How might this question change your day-to-day interactions?

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

Three thoughts for the weekend

It was a big show down. Me and two of my buddies, Joe T and Terry K, were going to meet up with three other guys to settle a big dispute. It was a proverbial “meet me at the flagpole” kind of event, and there was no turning back now. You could almost hear the eerie music playing in the background, the spurs on our boots rattling as we walked to the middle of town for a big shoot out. That’s what it felt like.  

You see, Terry had heard that Larry had something some bad about me. So now it was time to confront the talk. Basically, I told Larry, “I dare you to say it to my face!” and so we agreed at a set time to meet on the playground for this face-to-face confrontation to take place.

Now, at this point in my life, I had never actually been in a fight, and in fact, to this day in my life, I have never been in a real fist fight. Larry was short but strong, had been in lots of fights, and honestly, this was going to end badly for me. I think Terry and Joe came for moral support, and to be able to tell my mom that I died in glorious fashion at my own O.K. Corral.

We waited around a few minutes but Larry never made an appearance. By the grace of God, Larry had gotten in trouble in Mrs. Zioski’s class and had to stay in for recess. I lived another day, and by lunch we had decided that Larry wasn’t worth the trouble (ie. I didn’t want to go through life with my nose attached to my ear) and we all (including Larry) played football in our afternoon recess.

I talked a good game, especially when Larry wasn’t around, but truth is, I never ever mocked Larry for not showing up. It’s so easy to destroy people with our words in front of others, or on social media or through texting, but another thing entirely to do it when they are in our presences, especially if we feel threatened. Talk is easy.

Check out this piece by Jimmy Fallon involving Seattle Mariner baseball star, Robinson Cano. Last year, Cano played for the NY Yankees, but was traded to Seattle in the off-season. As the Mariners were getting ready to head to NY for Robinson’s first visit back to NY after being traded, Fallon thought it would be funny to let NY Yankee fans practice their booing. So Jimmy set up a cardboard cut out of Cano in a park, then invited Yankee fans to demonstrate their booing techniques. What happens next is hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b9rOji_PWY

You see, before Cano actually showed up, it was easy to bad-mouth him and talk badly about his character, his skill and his decision making. But the minute Robinson appeared, everybody’s tone changed. They offered man-hugs, high fives and even encouragement when they were facing the real Cano instead of the cardboard Cano.

So what do we learn about this video? Here are three thoughts for this weekend about our words around others:

Gossip will always come back to bite you: If you enjoy berating people behind their backs or blasting them through passive aggressive facebook posts (“some people I work with are complete idiots” was on my FB feed this week!) just know that it will always come back to bite you. Gossips are always easy targets for gossip. It’s just a fact of relationship: people who listen to gossip are the people who share gossip, and they are non-discriminate. In other words, when they hear gossip about you, they’ll spread it just like any other news. I always chuckle when one of my kids is involved in a circle of gossip, and then are crushed when they become the subject of someone else’s gossip. I always remind them that gossip is a sin (1 Timothy 5:13) and that people who gossip don’t care who it’s about! Gossip will always come back to bite you.

Ending gossip is easy: If you want to put an end to family or office gossip, it’s easy: stop participating. Don’t spread it. Don’t listen to it. Don’t pay any attention to those that gossip. I promise you that soon people will take you out of the loop and you won’t find yourself having to do the socially awkward political dance when you see people that you’ve heard gossip about. You know what else will happen? You will attract people to you who share your same anti-gossip conviction. There is something awesome about not having to worry about what everyone else is saying, and instead, having meaningful conversations and relationships. In reality, gossip is one of the ultimate forms of not caring for someone enough to do anything to help them, choosing instead, to just talk about their character flaws or personal mistakes. We end gossip when we begin to genuinely care for those around us.

Practice first-person problem solving: Ending gossip doesn’t mean ignoring real problems. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Ending gossip means confronting problem first-person style! Instead of airing out my problems online or at the office water cooler, I deal with relationship issue the way Matthew 18:15-17 tells me to: person-to-person. If I have an issue with you, I go to you. If I was offended by something you said, I take it up with you. If you don’t like how I’m leading the business, you come to me. If you think I was sarcastic and cut you down in public, you take it up with me. By following God’s plan for problem solving we eliminate the place for gossip and we create peace instead of tension.

Telling a cardboard cut-out how you feel about it is easy; telling someone face-to-face is hard. Let’s not be like angry NY Yankee fans when it comes to personal conflict but instead, let’s follow the path the Bible lays out for us and choose God’s path for problem solving.

There is no gossip out side of the boat, so go ahead and take the plunge -- life is better on the water!

Little sisters and other dangers of family

On August 1st, 1975, my chances of being the baby of the family ended abruptly. In a rather dramatic and quite rapid birth, my sister made an appearance as, not only the baby of the family, but as the only girl among three boys -- the proverbial “rose amongst the thorns.” Thus I was relegated to cheerful third born, and not spoiled last sibling.

While my sister may disagree that she was spoiled (the opinions of her three older brothers would stand in stark contrast to her own!), she was a blessed addition to our family. Yes, she may have been tortured by her older siblings. Yes, we may have shared a few laughs at her expense. Ok, ok, ok, I wasn’t always the kindest to my sister, but that too, was part of God’s work in my life.

In high school, Naomi and I couldn’t share the single bathroom in my parents house. (We disagreed strongly over usage times, and to this day, even after 17 years of being married to a woman, I still can’t figure out what takes girls so long in the bathroom!) The bathroom was just the battlefield where our disagreements emerged. I know I would antagonize her, and I think there was a time or two she might admit she was just arguing for the sake of a fight, too. My relationship to her was not pretty through the high school years.

It was during college, however, that I started to realize the problem wasn’t my sister -- the problem was me. As much as I wanted to blame her for taking up too much morning time in the bathroom, or be mad at her different perspective on promptness, the reality was that I was impatient, often unfair and frequently unkind. My sarcasm was sharp and hurtful. I still remember the day I sat down at my roommates word processor (any one remember those?) and wrote an apology letter to my sister. While I certainly hadn’t showed it, I actually longed to have a better relationship with her.

At the time, I was attending school in Iowa and when I got home for the summer, my sister and I did something we hadn’t done in years: we hung out together. We drove the hour drive from Salem to Portland and visited the zoo. We had a great time. I found out that my sister was absolutely hilarious and afterward, I met her boyfriend (future husband) for the first time. I’m thankful my sister was so gracious.

To this day, I’ve never forgotten what I learned from the frustration I used to feel toward my sister. Up until I wrote that letter in college, I always blamed her for the angst I felt; I never once thought that the source of the problem could rest with me.

Yet, that’s how most of us live. When conflict comes, we tend to blame those we’re in conflict with and rarely look to our own involvement. When we do look inward, it’s usually followed with a big “but” (I know I was mean, but....) I’m glad my sister and I were able to begin working on our brother/sister relationship. We still don’t always see eye-to-eye, but I love her and her family, and am so thankful that we enjoy spending time together and having our kids hang out together. She is an amazing mom and wife, and she is an awesome sister.

From the first day God put humans on the planet He did something amazing -- He connected them to each other. Adam wasn’t supposed to live alone, and even after Eve came on the seen, the two of them weren’t left alone for very long, either! We were created to be in relationships, first with God and then with one another.

And the reality of those relationships is this: they will experience hardship and brokenness because we live in a fallen world. None of us are perfect, and we bring our imperfections into every relationship we have. And when two imperfect people get connected (husbands/wives, brothers/sisters, neighbors) the possibility for struggle rises exponentially. So when I run into conflict with another human being, I have to remember that my imperfections are part of the problem, too, not just theirs!

I’m confident that’s why in the New Testament there are at least 32 different “One another” commands. Those “One Another” commands remind us to look through the imperfections of others, to try and acknowledge and work on our own, and to put the love and grace of God into practice. Here are a few of those commands, any of them resonate with you?

Love one another

Forgive one another

Be kind to one another

Build one another up [with your words]

Encourage one another

Pray for each other

Spur one another on to love and good deeds

Be compassionate with one another

Submit to one another

Bear each others burdens

Family is a great place to practice living out the one another commands of Scripture. I’m sorry it took me so long to learn that with my sister, but I’m thankful the last 20 years has been much better than the first 20 that I knew her. If you want to live an Overboard Life, you’ll have to come to the same realization I did -- relationship problems are a two-way street, and if you’re on the street, you’re part of the problem. We can’t fix others, (No, this isn’t an excuse to let others be cruel or unkind, and it’s not an excuse to be some one else’s doormat!) but we can resolve to live how Jesus wants us to, regardless of the response of others. As we say to our own children all the time, “Your response, is your responsibility.”

Is there a relationship you can work on today? Is there someone that you've cut off because you weren't willing to see your part in the problem? What "one another" command could you put into practice today? We were made for relationships, so let's work to make them the best they can be!

4 down, 36 to go.

Go ahead and take the plunge, relationships are always better on the water!

Three thoughts for the weekend

By Joe Castaneda I was recently doing a series of interviews for jobs at the camp. One of the questions I ask is, “What are some values your parents have passed on to you that you will try to live by?” As I reflected on that question myself, I thought I would share with you three values my parents gave to me. What about you? Did your parents pass on any values to you that you still try to live by? Share with us your thoughts in the comments here or on Facebook!

1. Keep God first in everything: My parents lived their faith by conviction, not convenience and not out of fear. They operated out of a key belief that God cared deeply for them and how they lived, and they desired to please Him first. They weren’t perfect parents (they’d be the first to admit this), but they worked hard to keep God first above all the noise of jobs, kids, bills, vacations, good days and bad days. I’m thankful for this value they passed on to all of his kids.
2. Have fun in the car: We took a lot of road trips as a family. My dads clan lived in Oakland, CA so at least once a year we took the 10-hour dive down to Oakland, always in one stretch. That was back in the day when you could crawl in and out of that small window between a truck cab and truck bed, as well as lay in the back window of a giant Ford LTD without penalty. My parents, especially my mom, worked hard to make those trips fun. We played games, we worked on spelling (I still know how to spell “hospital” because of one of those trips), we read, we listened to stories, we ate and we always sang, “For He’s the Jolly Good Fellow...” whenever we crossed state lines. That simple lesson reminds me to have fun on the journey, in or out of the car. Whatever road you’re traveling right now, look for the joy. I’m guessing if you’re doing pretty well on number one, you’ll find number two a bit easier!
3. Be hospitable: I didn’t realize it growing up, but it wasn’t normal for everyone to always have guests in their house. I thought that was just what everybody did! I can only remember a few periods of time where we didn’t have a guest living at our house. I had several “older brothers” that I found out weren’t actually my brothers when I was 18-years-old! (I always wondered about Paul Vinje, he seemed too short, too smart and too Russian to be related to me (Mexican-Dutch parents!)) but...I just assumed he was family! My mom frequently had an extra spot set at the table, where I met many pastors, missionaries, national youth workers, single moms, college students and others. What a blessing! Traci and I have had the joy of continuing that tradition of having guests, housing students and sharing whatever resources God has given us.

What about you? What are some values that your parents have passed on to you that you still try to live by? One of the great blessings of living the Overboard Life is sharing it with others, and passing on to your children great, Godly, values that can shape their future.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

5 day challenge

I enjoy surprises. Even people who “hate surprises” generally like it when someone has thoughtfully purchased a gift, provided a change of scenery or left a love note or encouraging card on a desk at work. Over the years I’ve noticed how easy it is to bless someone with a thoughtful and intentional surprise that can truly change the course their day. I thought today would be a great time to start 5-day challenge of intentional surprises. Will you join me? Whether you pick the same person to bless for five straight days, or you look for a chance to bless five different people, set a plan in your mind to bless people with kindness!

Jesus was great at surprising people, and I’m pretty sure He enjoyed doing it. In fact, the very first miracle Jesus did was a big surprise. He was at a wedding when the master of ceremonies hit a rather uncomfortable moment. In Jesus’ day, wedding feasts lasted for days, and usually a good host would bring out the best wine at first, and after people had probably indulged a bit too much, he would bring out the cheap box wine to finish things off.

Well, either more people showed up than expected, the wedding planner was a cheapskate or there was more consumption going on than anticipated but at the end of a few days, the wine was gone. This was more than a social faux pax, this was serious cultural shame and reflected badly on the new couple!

In steps Jesus with a big surprise. When it looked like everyone was going to have to start celebrating with plain ol’ water, Jesus helped prevent cultural shame, saved face for the bride and groom and made a happy ending to a potential disaster. In fact, when He turned the water to wine the guest of honor said that normally the worst wine was saved for last, but at this party, the best wine was brought out the end. Jesus didn’t just provide wine, He provided the best wine! (John 2)

When we live the Overboard Life, we are growing in our walk with God, learning to focus more on Him, and less on ourselves. We are learning to live out Philippians 2, striving hard to meet the needs of others, not just our own needs. Taking time to intentionally focus on surprising people each day, is a great way to think about what others need, and how we might be a conduit to provide help and blessing.

So will you join me? Five days of blessing others with surprises? I think we’ll all realize that as we look for ways to be a servant and blessing to others, there is no shortage of opportunities -- we just need to be willing and available.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Lessons from 4 days in airports

After speaking at a winter camp in Oregon and Iowa, I had the joy of traveling home to the midwest during winter. Anything can happen with wintry mid-west travel…and it did. I spent four days living in airports, boarding and de-boarding planes, and trying to engage my brain as much as possible. During this stint of getting to know every nook and cranny of the airports in Des Moines and Chicago, I learned a lot about the Overboard Life. Here are a few important lessons that should affect how I live outside the airport:

1. Be kind to people under stress. While winter was blasting the midwest with snow, sub-zero wind chills and ice, those working in the travel industry were under a ton of stress. One day in Chicago, over 3,500 flights had been canceled, and thousands of weary travelers were stranded. Many of them, like me, were just trying to get home, some were trying to get to a job, and a few I met were on vacation. Everyone was going somewhere. The poor American and United airline employees were powerless to control the weather, but so many customers were rude, unkind and downright childish in the way they talked to the workers. I was amazed at how far kind words went whenever I spoke to employees who were doing everything they could to get everyone rebooked and sent home. Some were working double shifts to help with the overload of travelers and a simple, “thank you for your hard work” or “I really appreciate that you’re doing all you can do” changed demeanors, brought smiles and in one case, even a couple of tears to a travel agent who had been beat up by several of the previous customers in line. When people are under stress, be kind. I still worked hard to get home and to get on flights etc… but I was able to do it with kindness and those who received it were grateful. Paul’s words are so fitting and so direct: “Be kind to one another…”
2. Think win/win, not win/lose. While everyone was trying to get a flight, there were just limited number of seats. Flying into Traverse City, for example, there were just a handful of flights a day, and when previous days’ flights were canceled, the flights suddenly were massively overbooked. One day, I -- along with two others -- were put on a plane headed back to TC and suddenly we were removed by customers who were high up on that particular airline’s loyalty program. As we got off, the patrons getting on were a tad smug and boasting a bit about their success, “no one treats me like that” was one comment I heard. Well one of the girls with me burst into tears as we lost our seats, because she had been stuck in Chicago for four days, her luggage had been checked through to TC, so she was living on airport food, airport clothes and very ready to be home. In order for one set of travelers to “win” their seats, someone else “lost” theirs. Sometimes when we’re fighting for “our” way, “our” seats or “our” thoughts, we take a win/lose mentality. We don’t think about the cost to others if we get our way, because we’re so stuck in one zone. How can you turn a win/lose into a win/win?
3. Everyone loves to talk. I was waiting at one gate, hopeful that I was finally going to catch a flight. A young lady, in her mid 20’s, was sitting next to me with ear buds planted firmly in her ears, playing games on her phone. After an hour, she popped them out and sat their silently. I simply asked, “Where you headed?” and we engaged in a 60-70 minute conversation about her life. She was a student, traveling abroad, but headed home from a vacation in Florida. Her family is fractured a bit, but her aunt and uncle’s home in Florida is a safe place for her. She loves the son, but stays in Iowa because that’s been her childhood home. She shared with me her hopes and dreams, shared heart ache about a broken relationship and we even talked a bit about God. Over and over I engaged people in conversation and I realized that everyone has a story, and everyone loves to share their story. I never had a shortage of conversation, all I had to do was ask a few questions, and people would begin to talk. Are you listening to those around you?
4. People aren’t used to receiving grace. Sometimes when you offer kindness and grace to people, they don’t receive it well. Grace can be easier to dispense than to receive. (I only have to look at myself to see this truth in action!) While travelers were walking numbly through airports (is it just me, or does time move at a different pace during travel?!), and airline employees were working frantically to solve problems, grace wasn’t always readily available, and when it was given, wasn’t always received well. But people’s inability or choice to not receive it, shouldn’t discourage us from still offering it. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 reminds us that the grace God gives us is meant to be given out to others. The passage doesn’t say others have to take it, we just have to be willing to give it.
5. Sometimes a hug is all it takes. Back to point #2, when the young lady and I were booted out of our seats on the airplane, we had to do the walk of shame back up to the gate. However, when we got to the gate, the door was closed and we had to wait for the flight attendant to open the door and let us back in to the terminal. This young lady and I were standing silently, both feeling a little bummed about being on a plane and then losing our seats, when she suddenly burst into tears…full on sobbing! I didn’t know what to do as it was just the two of us on a the jetway. After a moment, I just reached over and gave her an awkward Baptist side-hug, and she buried her face into my shoulder and cried her little eyes out. She had been stranded for four days, she was at her wits end, and losing a seat she had been begging for was devastating to her. I couldn’t help her. I had no way to get her on the flight, but I could stand there and hug her, a total stranger, until she regrouped. By the time the flight attendant arrived, she had recovered enough so that we could go to the counter and figure out our next flight options. I’ll never forget that the hug from a total stranger gave her the strength to process and press on through what was an emotional moment for her.
6. Let your friends help. I have been blessed with amazing friends that live all over the world. Two of them live in Chicago, Mikee and Joel Stutzman. More than once during the day they sent a text saying, “If you get stuck, give us a call and we’ll come get you.” Mikee and Joel live an hour from the airport, and I kept thinking, “I don’t want to put them out….” After two days of hobnobbing between airports and hotels etc… I needed to be with friends. So after an on again, off again airplane ride to nowhere, I called them and they were eager to come pick me up. I could tell it was a joy for them to help out, put me up in their home, let me eat their food and then to take me back to the airport in the morning. They were practicing 1 Peter 4:9 (the subject of another blog!) and demonstrating the gift of hospitality. I’ll tell you what, when I got back to the airport for day four, I was refreshed, energized and ready for whatever was next. My friends were a real encouragement to me. Are you letting your friends encourage you?
7. Walking clears the head. Whenever you get bogged down, what do you do to clear your head? I couldn’t do much in the airport, but I decided to walk. Who knew you could walk over 3.5 miles in the Chicago airport and still not hit all the terminals? I used an iPhone app to track my mileage and I set out walking. It helped. I realized that when I often get mentally or emotionally bogged down, I tend to turn to things that don’t help clear my mind: food, tv, sulking etc… Instead, a high-energy walk helped a ton. Physical exercise is a huge part of our mental health and well-being, even if you’re stuck in an airport.

The Overboard Life isn’t meant to be lived in church or in some secret religious practice. The Overboard Life is a process of embracing who God made us to be (Psalm 139), so that we can do what God made us to do (Ephesians 2:10). That means there are lessons and opportunities, everywhere. I hope I never have the opportunity to be stuck in airports for four days, again. However, if I do, I still am privileged with the choice to live Overboard with those whom I am encountering. Overboard living doesn’t get to take days off; “whatever we do, whether in word or deed” or travel or fun or exercise or…. “do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

What lessons are you learning?

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

If you are looking for some great Overboard resources, be sure to visit our bookstore: www.bookstore.overboardministries.com

Three thoughts for the weekend

While I’m still enjoying the turkey leftovers, Thanksgiving is definitely in the rearview mirror and Christmas is on the horizon. As I was thinking about the month of December and celebrating the birth of our Savior, I thought of three activities that will be a part of my Christmas celebration and might help you keep ‘The Reason for the Season’ in focus.

Bless a total stranger this Christmas: Over the past couple of years, my family has done Christmas Light awards in our town. We visit a local trophy shop and each of us has a trophy made with our name. (AJ’s trophy read, “The Castaneda Family Christmas Light Trophy: The AJ Award” etc…) Then for about two weeks, we would drive around looking at beautiful light displays and making notes of which ones we liked best. When the night arrived, each of us chose one house and presented them with a trophy and a plate of baked goods.

The responses we’ve received make it all worth the effort. People just don’t know what to do with their trophy, but all of them are thankful. Often we hear stories of Christmas traditions, we are invited in to houses and shown special decorations and interior lighting, and we’ve been given baked goodies in return. Blessing a total stranger is a great way to keep Jesus at the center of your celebration.

Serve in a shelter this Christmas: Some years ago my family started the tradition of serving breakfast burritos while handing out scarves, socks and jackets to the homeless on Christmas morning. So before we enjoy any of our regular family celebrations, we bundle up, head out to nearby location and minister to those with bigger needs than ours. My parents, my siblings and all the kids and grandkids participate in this simple ministry that warms hearts and stomachs on Christmas day.

Attend a Christmas Eve service at church: There are so many events and programs pulling for your time at Christmas, but make sure one of the activities that wins is a Christmas Eve service at a nearby church. Many churches offer “candlelight” services where the old Christmas carols and hymns are sung, and where the story of Jesus’ birth is told. Attending a service where the music is beautiful, the sharing is rich and the story of Jesus is conveyed is a powerful way to celebrate Christmas.

I hope you enjoy your traditions this Christmas, and I hope you maybe create some new ones. Most of all, I hope you remember that the foundation for the Overboard Life is found in the person of Jesus. He entered this world as a baby and grew to become the Lamb of God -- the perfect sacrifice able to pay the eternal price for our sins. Celebrate Him this Christmas.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Just be present

Have you ever been in that place where you don’t know what to do for someone? I have. In fact, over 16 years of pastoral ministry I had that feeling of uncertainty more than once. However, time and experience taught me a valuable lesson: your presence is often the best gift you can give.

Traci and I have a small file cabinet in our room. In one of the folders is a file containing close to a hundred notes that I’ve collected over the years. This is a file I’ve opened a few times, when I needed to be reminded of how God has worked in and through me and my own brokenness.

Recently we purged the file cabinet of a bunch of records, and while we did, I thumbed through the file containing all those thank you notes and encouragement cards. You know what I found? Many of those cards and notes were sent after I had done absolutely nothing for that particular person. They thanked me simply for being present when a tragedy or hardship or celebration occurred. They didn’t recall any of my profound words of life-changing wisdom, or even thank me for my incredible mood-altering wit. Instead, they said things like, “Thank you for being there for me” or “Thanks for showing up to the hospital after our baby was born” or “I’ll never forget you being at the funeral home that day” -- all about presence.

A year ago, my wife gave a special gift to a dear friend when she donated one of her kidneys. It’s an amazing story. (You can read about it from mine and Traci’s perspectives). On the morning of the surgery we arrived in Portland at 6am, and after we checked in, I came out to the lobby to see several familiar faces. Pete and Deb Steele, dear friends and co-workers were armed with books and snacks, ready to be present for the long haul. Our pastor and his wife (Tim and Marcy Baker) were also seated in the waiting room, along with friend Ellen Zarfas and the recipient’s sister, too. Others came by that day, many called, and we settled in for a long day.

I can’t remember a single conversation we had as we waited for news. When the doctor didn’t report in at noon, or 12:20 or 1pm as we were given word, these friends stayed by and waited with me. When Traci finally entered the waiting/recovery area, but I was still unable to see her, these kind souls didn’t move. Instead, they made sure I ate, helped keep others informed of the progress and then graciously stuck around when I was finally given permission to see my bride at 3:20 (8 hours after I left her for surgery!).

When I think about that day with Traci, I’m overwhelmed by the goodness of friends who were just there. They put no expectations on me, and simply showed their love and friendship by being present.

Is there someone in your life that could use your presence? Someone who doesn’t need you to have answers or words, but just needs a friend who is present? I wonder if this is part of what Jesus was talking about in Matthew when He says, “I was sick and you stopped to visit, and I was in prison and you came to me” (Matthew 25:36, Msg).

Live the Overboard Life by taking time to be present. Long after people have forgotten what you've said, they’ll remember what you did.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

I’ve become a big fan of Joey O’Conner and his blog for The Grove Center for the Arts in Southern California. He wrote a great piece about this topic you can check out here.

The 5-Phrase Challenge

We all know our words have a profound impact on the people and circumstances around us. My wife loves to say, “Change your language, change your life.” Last week she wrote an awesome blog on the power of changing how you say, what you say.

Today, I want to challenge you to bring some change to your language in a way that could profoundly alter your day, and the day of those you interact with. Take some time to thoughtfully use each of the following five phrases in the next 24-hours, and see what happens as you do.

1. “I forgive you.” That’s right, today, intentionally release someone who has wronged you. That crazy woman talking on her cell, drinking a cup of coffee while putting on her make up….and oh….trying to drive! Instead of screaming a profanity at the way she just cut you off, offer a word of forgiveness. Literally, out loud, say, “I forgive you.” Or maybe a coworker, boss, roommate or spouse has offended you? Today, release them of the debt they owe and tell them they are forgiven.
2. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” This verse is one of the most profound in Scripture, reminding us that God will give us all we need for the challenges He brings our way. When you are feeling lost, overwhelmed or under equipped, speak these sweet words of promise today!
3. “Everything works for my good, because my God is so big!” This isn’t cliche, it’s truth. God promises to take everything in your life and mine, and to use it for our very best if we’ll but trust Him. When you are faced with a hardship or difficulty, remind yourself verbally to trust God to make good work with your situation.
4. “I love you.” Don’t assume the people around you know you love them. Remind them with your words (and actions!) that you care deeply for them and their well-being!
5. “How can I serve you?” If you’re up for a real challenge, use this phrase with someone you wouldn’t ordinarily serve. You know, that employer who demands too much, and offers little thanks? Surprise them with “How can I serve you?” What about your kids? Your parents? your annoying neighbor? Dig deep and offer to serve.

Will you take up the challenge to use these five phrases today?

While living the Overboard Life is relatively simple, it is rarely easy. Every day you and I have opportunities to use our words and conversations to live Overboard, but just don’t think of how to do that ‘in the moment.’ By taking on today’s challenge, you are choosing to live Overboard, one conversation at a time!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Mercy

This week I have decided to take on a challenge for myself: No iPad entertainment (in particular Netflix), no baseball watching (although I did give myself permission to check box scores ) and no movies until I’ve read through the New Testament in a week. It’s Tuesday and I’m thinking I will be starting against next week with this goal. We’ll see how things ends up. I’ve enjoyed being immersed in the Bible and I’ve walked away with a couple of cool lessons so far from the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). In Matthew, I realized that the theme of “mercy” comes up quite a bit. In fact, it seems to be one of the big things Jesus rips into the Pharisees for not possessing (they were the religious leaders of the day). They were big into rules and regulations, into traditions and religion, but they weren’t into the practical application of faith. Let me give you an example.

One Saturday afternoon (the Jewish sabbath), Jesus and His disciples were walking through the field after a long day. Everyone was hungry and the Bible says that Jesus’ disciples started picking the heads of grain and eating them. Somewhere off in the distance, a Pharisee sees this and starts chastising Jesus for allowing his disciples to “work” on the sabbath, a practice that was forbidden by Jewish custom.

As the discussion between Jesus and these Pharisees increases, it moves into the synagogue where a man with a shriveled hand walks into the meeting. The Pharisees take this opportunity to ask, “Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath?” You see, they thought they had trapped Jesus. If He answers, “Yes” then they’ll get him for breaking the law. If he says, “no”, then they’ll get him for showing no mercy or kindness.

But Jesus lays a smack down on these guys and asks them, “If you had a sheep fall into a pit on the sabbath…would you pull it out of the pit?” The unspoken answer was, “of course!” So Jesus says, “If you can pull out a lamb that falls into a hole, how much more valuable is this man?” Then he healed the guy and the Pharisees left angry at Jesus’ uncanny ability to respond to their ignorant attempts to trap Him. (All of this happens in Matthew 12:1-14).

Jesus point was made clear in verse 7: “If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.”

It wasn’t that sacrifice was a bad thing -- in fact Jesus calls all of His followers to be people of sacrifice. It wasn’t that following the rules was a bad thing -- in fact Jesus tells us repeatedly that there are God-given rules and guidelines He wants His children to follow. But the demonstration of sacrifice or the strict adherence to the rules without the expression of love and mercy is fruitless!

I see this in my kids all the time. When I punish them for the sake of me being right or because I simply want to enforce the rules, I almost always get push back, lousy attitudes and more reasons for me to punish them. I’m “right” in the sense that I’m enforcing a particular rule, but I’m dead wrong in how I’m enforcing it. I’m no better than the Pharisees.

But when I punish my children with love and mercy, the ensuing result is almost always substantially better. It’s not that they suddenly start singing in joy over their consequence, but I usually receive much less attitude, and we frequently have engaging conversations over the why of the offense, and not just about the pain of the punishment. Mercy and love gives me access to their hearts.

Everyday you and I have chances to show mercy to people in our lives. Maybe it’s our spouse and our children, or maybe it’s a boss or coworker. Maybe it’s one of the people you serve in your job, or maybe it’s that paper delivery boy who never can seem to get your newspaper onto your driveway! There’s that barista at the coffee shop that can’t seem to remember you don’t like whip cream on your coffee, and don’t forget about that family member that always makes you late, or the guy who... there are plenty of people to whom you can show mercy to everyday!

Would you put mercy on your radar today? Will you take time to ask God to help you be a person of mercy and love? I have a friend who was recently lit-up by someone else, and treated like garbage. I don’t know the circumstances, I just saw the outcome on facebook when she posted this:

“Another time I wish I was one of those people that bashes someone on a social network, but instead I will hold my head high, pray for this individual, and watch them dig their hole deeper each time they do others wrong. I don't really call it karma, I see it as a pathetic angry person that will never change and revels in attempting to bring others down to his/her miserable level. Today I hold my head high and will not succumb to such venomous individuals.”

Show mercy today. It’s not just a good idea, it’s actually a command by God that we be merciful people. And mercy has a way of showing back up in our lives when we have been generous with it ourselves.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

2 weeks later: what can we learn from the Boston bombings?

Two weeks ago our nation was hit with yet another tragedy of violence. Terrorists (because only that term seems appropriate) attacked innocent people without any pity, killing three and injuring scores of others. Even an 8-year-old child had his life taken when their bombs went off. In the aftermath, police officers were injured, a campus cop was killed and one of the two suspects forfeited his life, too. Nobody won in the tragedy at the Boston Marathon.

As I’ve sat back and tried to think through the sickness involved in this tragedy, it’s been interesting to watch how people have used this event for their own agendas. Politicians, for or against gun-control, quickly pounced on Boston as support for their position. I’ve read blogs and editorials on the need for immigration reform, gun bans, hardware store background checks on certain purchases (seriously!) and one tongue-and-cheek piece on new legislation for mandatory background checks and required registry for anyone wanting to buy a pressure cooker.

Whatever your angle, you can probably find some sort of support in almost any tragedy, and that in itself, is a bit of a tragedy.

But there are moments of compassion, kindness and courage that rise up in the face of adversity. What do we learn from these selfless acts of service: the powerful impact of people living the Overboard Life. People like…

The first responders. The men and women of Boston’s police force, and the many EMTs, nurses and doctors involved in the medical care of victims and survivors was unreal. Without concern for the possibility of more bombs, these people thrust themselves in the middle of the chaos to help save lives, and some with a goal to capture the perpetrators.

The runners. Many of the runners put themselves in harm’s way, by working to help move the crowds to safety. Imagine having run 20+ miles of a marathon, hearing explosions on either side of you, and then having the courage to not sprint away to safety, but instead, to make sure spectators are ushered away.

The other runners. Some runners did take off after they heard the explosions. They were the ones who ran to nearby hospitals and donated blood because they knew there was going to be an immediate need. That’s right…they ran 26.2 miles, then sprinted to a hospital to give blood I’m sure their bodies would have been happy to keep.

The volunteers: My wife and I have hosted a 6.21k race (about 3.8 miles) race. It takes about 20-25 volunteers to pull off that little race for 150 racers. Multiply that force by 100 in order to get what you need for the Boston Marathon and you might get close to the total number of volunteers walking the streets, holding signs, passing out water, marking memorials (for the Newton children) and cheering on racers. Hundreds of volunteers took time to help the wounded, to protect the fallen and keep themselves in harm’s way until help arrived.

The people of Boston. Did you hear how people in Boston just opened their homes to total strangers? As the chaos was unraveling, many people in the city opened their doors and welcomed runners, bystanders and anyone who needed shelter into their homes. They fixed meals while the city was on lockdown and there were dozens of reports of guests staying overnight in the care of people entirely unknown to them.

I could go on, but you’ve probably read all the stories, and know about the amazing men and women and children who helped while others ran; who stayed calm while a few crazies looted stores, and who risked their own safety in order to ensure the safety of others.

As I reflected on that I kept wondering, “what makes a person react in such a way?” Is it just a particular personality type? Is it just the fight-or-flight response to adrenaline? Then I listened more to interviews and read more conversations and I started to understand this: these amazing people responded that way, because that’s who they are.

When it comes to the Overboard Life, we have to learn to live Overboard all the time! That way, when those moments come and there is a need for someone to stand in the gap when others fall away, we’ll be ready. It won’t be a matter of trying to muster the courage for a moment of need, it will be a matter of doing what is already natural -- stepping out in faith because faith is where we already live.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the people who acted courageously weren’t scared, or that it was easy for them to respond so bravely. My point is, in the moment of fear, panic and uncertainty, those courageous individuals did what they already were used to doing -- reaching past their own worries, self-doubt and heightened sense of danger and reaching toward life-saving action. These were people who had passed the test in the “small things” of life, and they were ready when the big things came.

Let’s learn from this tragedy, and the one in West Texas, too (where in the same fashion, people sacrifice their own safety, and in many cases their own lives, in order to ensure the safety and life of others). We can never know when key moments will strike, but we can have a gauge to know if we’ll be ready when they do. How? By practicing Overboard living in the small details. You see, we don’t know when God will give us opportunity to show our faith, but by practicing daily -- we’ll have a much better chance of being ready.

So go ahead and take the plunge, every day, life is always better on the water!

Please be kind...rewind.

"Please be kind…Rewind." If you recognize that saying, then you’ve rented a VHS tape from Blockbuster, Hollywood or some other video rental store. Wouldn’t you have loved to see a Redbox dispenser back in the day? The thing would have been the size of a small RV and would have had 3 people inside dispensing tapes!

And back then, when you rented your VHS movie and took it home, inside many of the cases was that little sticker that read: Please be kind…rewind. Why? Because there weren’t many things worse than opening up a tape after you got it home, and having to rewind the stupid thing before you could watch it! In our house, that was especially torturous, because we didn’t have one of those fancy rewind devices that a lot of our friends had. We actually had to put in the VCR and wait an excruciatingly long period of time for the rewind to be complete. *

In reality, rewinding wasn’t really that big of an inconvenience. It took some time, but it didn’t involve any expense or extra equipment. If you had a VCR (which seems obvious since you just rented a VHS!), you had enough tools to rewind the movie. It was really just a matter of being kind for the next user.

I wonder how many acts of kindness you and I could perform each day, if we just thought about the next person. Would we clean up our work space better? Would we wipe up that little coffee spill? Would you abuse the hotel room or rental car like “it’s not yours” if you were thinking about who was next? (Yes honey…I’ll put the seat down!) Paul said it this way: "Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else" (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

Today, think about the next person in line. How could you show kindness and give a blessing to a family member, close friend or a total stranger? Here are four simple ideas:

1. Pay for the coffee or fast-food order of the person behind you.
2. Leave your workspace cleaner than when you inherited it.
3. Wash those dirty dishes in the sink before going to bed.
4. Stack all your plates at the restaurant after your meal.

What are some other ways you could think of the one after you? How could you “Be kind…rewind” and make some one else’s day? Give us some more ideas in the comments!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

* For those of you too young to know what I’m talking about, check out this video:

[youtube=http://youtu.be/LWxbqaUC_hA]