#marriagematters especially for your kids

When I look back at wedding day pics of me and my bride, I’m stuck by the sheer lack of awareness that rests in our eyes! Our wedding day was pure joy, and we have nothing but great memories from December 28th, 1996. The process leading up to our wedding was crazy, tumultuous, fun, tense, joyful and even tearful, but our wedding day was beautiful.

19 years later and I can honestly say, we had no idea what this journey was going to be like. We’ve owned six cars, lived in 7 (I think?) houses in three states, I’ve had three jobs and we’ve enjoyed a fair amount of travel together. I’ve preached in several different countries, we have met amazing people and God has given us more than we ever imagined in terms of friendships and connections.

But more than any of that, on that beautiful snowy day in Salem on December 28th, 1996, we had no way of knowing just how much our three future children would change our lives. Nothing really prepares you for the title of parent, and I’m not sure if there is any aspect of life that is more rewarding and frustrating, more joyful and painful, more thrilling and excruciating than that of parenting. Traci and I wouldn’t trade our family for anything in the world, and truly, when we count our blessings, AJ, BJ and CJ are always at the top of the list.

So as I thought about this anniversary blog, I thought about how much influence our marriage has on our children. In fact, I think marriage is the single greatest influence on children, generally speaking, and here are 10 areas of life that your marriage is teaching your kids. In other words: your marriage matters to your children, more than we can ever quantify, so keep working at it!

1. Giving our children a true understanding of love: Everyone craves love. I’m guessing that half of the Christmas movies we watched this year revolved around the message of love and that, in the end, love is more important than anything else. But the happily-ever-after movie love, is only a tiny glimpse of how God defines love. Yes, love involves emotions and feelings and the touchy-feely side of relationships that is so attractive on the outside. However, that part of love is fleeting, and I’m sure all of us have seen it come and go on our Facebook feeds with friends still searching for it! True love goes so much deeper, involving a commitment and choice that strengthens those other aspects of love. Traci and I are constantly reminding our children, through our marriage, that real love is an act of the will, not something you fall into and out of based on the day. Real love is a choice to keep growing, changing, learning, confessing, forgiving and embracing one another as imperfect children of God, not as the fairy tale movie character with perfect hair first thing in the morning.
2. Helping them understand gender and roles: The gender crisis we are experiencing in our country today, I fully believe, is rooted in the marriage crisis we’ve been living with for decades. Godly marriages define and promote the beauty in God-designed gender differences and roles. The fact that men and women are different in creation, equal in value and designed to compliment each other in marriage is absolutely central in the gender discussion of our day. During the past 20 years of ministry discussions, with scores of people (from age 10 to 70) who have struggled with their gender roles and identity, I’m amazed that the vast majority of those conversations end up back at a marriage. Their marriage. Their parents’ marriage. Their in-laws’ marriage. Somewhere along the way, they saw in a marriage something that was out of balance. Usually it was a dad or mom that was abusive, controlling, hypocritically “religious” or absent. Somewhere along the journey, a broken or dysfunctional marriage was a major factor in this person’s struggle to embrace their own identity as a man or woman, and to accept the role(s) connected to that gender. Traci and I are teaching our kids the value of womanhood and manhood, teaching them how God designed those genders to work together and how beautiful His plan is in the right context.

   

3. Giving my son an example of what kind of woman he should seek: Our marriage is the first exposure to relationships that any of our children have had. I want AJ to see in Traci, the kind of woman that he should seek for his own marriage! As Traci and I work and our marriage together, he is seeing an example of a woman who sacrifices for her family, who lavishes grace on her children and husband, who takes joy in managing our home and crazy schedules, who excels in her business ventures and who loves her identity in Christ. AJ sees a woman who gives her all, and at the end of the day finds she still has more to give. He sees a wife and mom who loves her family, but prioritizes the relationship with husband even over her parenting tasks. Your marriage will be the standard by which your children will seek their own spouse, so give them a great target at which to shoot!
4. Providing a model for my girls to choose their husbands carefully: Like AJ, our girls are seeing how I treat Traci, and that will have a significant impact on the type of man they will choose. I want them to see a man who honors his wife above all other human relationships (even the ones with my kids!) and one who lives with his wife, not over her. My girls are seeing a husband that embraces and celebrates his wife and her successes, who promotes her above any other woman, and I hope they are seeing a man who won’t allow another woman to captivate him the way his wife does.
5. Teaching our kids generosity in all seasons of life: Your kids are learning about money from your marriage. A big issue for Traci and I is that we want our children to understand the true meaning of generosity in all stages and seasons of life. We want them to embrace abundant giving, even when the bank account has more pennies than dollars! How you manage money, how you talk about your finances and how you model your generosity will trickle down to your children in significant ways. Your marriage is teaching your children about life’s priorities, and where money fits on that list.
6. Showing them how to handle disappointment, heartache, anger and loss: Your marriage is a front-row seat for your kids to view how you handle life’s setbacks. Over 19 years of marriage we have navigated loss, anger, heartache, pain and suffering and our three kids have seen the cycles of grief and the processes of growth play out in our lives and marriage. They’ve watched as we’ve struggled with each other, how we’ve handled internal conflict, as well as how we’ve handled pressure from outside our marriage. As we navigate life’s hard stuff together, our children are seeing our marriage commitment played out in “real life” and I pray this will influence their own marriage commitments.
7. Demonstrating the importance of life with God: More than anything, I hope our children have seen that life with God is the best life imaginable. Our marriage has been a testing ground for us, and a viewing ground for our children, on whether or not we would hold the course God has set out for us. We’ve navigated great moments of praise and thanksgiving when everything came up like roses, and they’ve watched as we “ran the race” nicked up, injured and wondering where the path was headed. We pray that they will see us trusting the Lord in good times and bad, and that living life with God -- not near Him, not around Him, not close to Him only in crisis -- is the very best choice.

   

8. Teaching them boundaries of children and marriage: Marriage matters, and as Traci and I try to navigate the challenges of life in today’s hectic family schedules, we work hard to let our kids know that our marriage is a top priority. We take date nights every week, we enjoy kidless get-a-ways several times a year and have “no-talking-to-mom-and-dad” moments in our house, when we sit and enjoy conversation at the table. Our children are the greatest thrill to us, but our marriage relationship is still a top priority. Our kids are seeing that children don’t drive the family, marriage does.
9. Giving them a model of God’s love for us: In Ephesians 5, Paul explains one of the key purposes of marriage: it is a picture that is meant to represent the love God has for us through His Son, Jesus, and the love we are to show Him. “Husbands love your wives,” writes Paul, “as Christ loves the church.” “Wives submit to your husbands...as to the Lord...” A strong marriage, as imperfect as we are as humans, is meant to be home base for our kids in their relationship with God. I hope AJ, BJ and CJ can look to Traci, in all of her struggles and challenges, and because of how she lives in our marriage, know that they have a God who loves them perfectly and understand how they should respond to His love. Likewise, I hope they see in me what their Heavenly Father’s love is like -- despite my mistakes, sins and failures -- because of how I love my wife. That’s God’s plan for marriage!
10. Giving them a good time around parents who love each other and their children: Our kids are learning that marriage is a joy, and that it’s fun to be together, living as a couple and moving towards the same goals and dreams together. Yes, marriage is hard work, but there is a deeper joy experienced by two imperfect people when they commit themselves to each other in following God’s design for marriage and family. We laugh a lot in our marriage -- and in our family! -- and our children see the way Traci and I love being together.

There are many more I could add to this list. When I think about my parents and the example they set for me and my siblings, I know this list isn’t all-inclusive. I also know that I certainly don’t live these out perfectly, but that’s part of the learning for my kids, too -- they are watching two imperfect people trust God with their lives while devoting themselves to each other. They are watching a mom and dad make mistakes, grow, then change while still moving forward, together, one day at a time.

Frankly, that’s the beauty of reflecting on this for me and I hope for you, too. Mistakes are part of the learning process for everyone, and if you’ve made mistakes in your marriage -- or maybe you’re making a big one right now -- you can get back on track and show your children the right path, today. Kids will have to make their own decisions about marriage and relationships, but I promise you that Your marriage is the first place they’ll look to as a model of what’s possible and what’s worth pursuing. Working hard on your marriage is worth it for you, your spouse and for the marriages your children will have in the future.

What would you add to this list that your kids are learning from your marriage?

Go ahead and take the plunge, life -- especially your marriage! -- is always better on the water!

#marriagematters

Enjoying a moment.

It’s amazing how much time we spend preparing to enjoy something. For example, this past August my wife and I took the kids to Chicago for a 4-day weekend. Preparation for that rip began in March, and we spent hours looking for things to do in the Windy City, places to stay, restaurants we wanted to eat at and sites we just “had to see.” We spent a lot of time prepping for this family vacation. I remember at one point during the weekend, while we were walking on Navy Pier and looking at thy skyline as the sun went down, that I was truly just enjoying the moment. We were all together, our stomachs were full from a nice dinner, it was pleasantly warm without humidity, the day had been very fun and some great memories had been made -- and as I stared at skyline that was reflecting the sunset, I was a very satisfied man.

I’ve thought about that day on Navy Pier a few times. I wonder how often I don’t enjoy the moment I’m in because I’ve already moved on to the next thing, or I’m so engaged in creating the moment or just trying to survive the moment. You ever been there? So busy, so distracted or so hurt that you don’t give yourself the chance to enjoy the moment you’re in?

A few years ago, Traci and I were in Hawaii and participating in one of our favorite rituals: watching the sun go down on the west coast of Maui. For the first 20 minutes on the beach I was trying hard to capture the “perfect picture” of a Hawaiian sunset, changing angles, changing my focal point and trying several different filters. I tried some shots from up on the bank, from down close on the water and several random ideas to get that perfect pic.

At one point, I looked up from my camera and realized that most of the people on the beach were sitting or standing with their friends or spouse, and they were all just watching the sun go down and enjoying the moment for what it was -- a beautiful sunset on a beautiful beach. Everyone was surprisingly quiet, almost somber, and the color of the sky reflected off the ocean and on their faces. That’s when I turned around and realized my wife was doing the same -- enjoying the moment -- but without her husband.

I promptly put the camera down, sat down next to my wife and soaked in the remainder of the experience with my favorite person on the planet. And while I never quite captured the perfect photo, I did capture a nearly perfect moment with Traci.

A couple times in my life I’ve taken time to journal every day. Last February I started up again, and I’m taking up a lot of space in this journal unpacking the “moments” of each day; taking time to enjoy the beauty that exists all around me. In this journal, I’m really focusing on the joy of relationships and how much God has blessed me with life-changing friendships. There is so much to enjoy, right now, and when I take time to be in the moment, I don’t have any trouble seeing it.

As you and I strive to live the Overboard Life, let’s not be so focused on the journey, that we miss the scenery on the route. There will always be troubles and challenges to face in this life, but woven into the rugged path is unmatched beauty; beauty that is found in the created world as well as the people that God has brought into our lives. When we quit enjoying the moments, I think it’s easy to quit enjoying the life that God has given us.

Take time today to enjoy the moments that you have. Even when the day is hard, take a moment to look around, and I’m confident you’ll find a person standing by you, a sunset that you almost missed or a good report from a teacher that can encourage your heart.

Go ahead and take the plunge, every moment is better on the water!

Lessons from a half-marathon (Mile 13)

Crossing the finish line of my first half-marathon was a thrilling event. I don’t know how to put it into words, but there was something very special about coming down the last stretch of road and stepping over the curb ,and onto the grass, where cones funneled us through the final 50 yards that led to the finish line. Many spectators, including runners who had already finished their races and were dressed awaiting the awards ceremony, were cheering us on as we jogged our last few steps. There were whistles, claps, loud cheers and even a couple of cowbells clanging as we sauntered home. Best of all, our friends Clay and Lisa were waiting to congratulate us on having completed our 13.1 mile run. It was a memory I won’t soon forget.

Finishing the goal was the best the feeling of all. The energy we had in finishing was better than the energy we had in miles 1-3. Finishing was more joyful than the pace and rhythm of miles 4-6, and made the work of miles 7-9 almost forgettable. When we crossed the finish line, I wasn’t thinking about the wall we hit in miles 10-12, instead, I was taking in the moment and enjoying -- yes, enjoying -- the aches and pains, the sights and sounds and the emotional thrill of victory. We had beaten the course because we had finished.

As I’ve thought back to the finish line, there are three big take-a-ways I have from completing my first half-marathon:

1. Train for the finish line. Traci and I trained hard during the months that led up to the race. We ran two or three times a week, every week, splitting up long runs with short runs, fast runs with slow runs and doing intervals and other types of sprints that helped us build up strength and endurance. And the whole time we were training, we were working toward 13.1 miles. We didn’t train for a 5k (3.1 miles) and then try to run a half-marathon. We trained with the finish line in mind.
2. Public goals are harder to blow off. After we both agreed to run the race, we made our goals public. Believe me, that was one o the best moves we made. Why? Because so many friends and family members were cheering us on through the whole process. I had calls, emails, texts and FB messages of encouragement, in the days leading up to the race. Our friends wanted to see us succeed. That kind of public accountability made it almost impossible to do anything but finish! We had so much support, failing was not an option.
3. Enjoy the journey and victories. Even during the race, Traci and I took time to “High-5” each other when we met certain markers. At mile 3.1 for example, we celebrated the first 5k of the race. At mile 9 we commended each other for the furthest run either of us had completed. At mile 10 we fist-bumped for making it to double digits and when we crossed the finish line we joyfully put our hands in the air and gave it a big “woot woot!” The race is long, the journey is hard but there are always moments to celebrate. And when you cross the finish line, take some time to soak it all in!

Race day was a big learning experience for me. From start to finish, I learned a lot about who I am and what I’m capable of doing when I work hard and choose to not give up. Through the ebb and flow of two hours and forty four minutes of running, I caught the bigger picture of life and realize that I’m on another journey, too. And as great as it felt to finish my first half-marathon, I can only imagine how great it will be to finish this journey with the same commitment and dedication.

I wonder if what I experienced at my race on Sunday was the same time of feeling Paul had when he told young Timothy, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my face...” Paul was at the end of his life, and he knew that his journey on earth was almost over. As he faced that reality he did so with an overwhelming sense of completion because he had beaten the course -- he had run the race God had given him.

It’s my hope and prayer to end my race the same way. I want to finish my journey with the satisfaction of knowing I did my very best, that I worked hard, ran thru walls and challenges, that I took advantage of the help offered me, and I encouraged others and allowed them to do the same for me. I hope people will see an excellent runner in me, one who embraced his course and, in faith, followed God where ever He led. And along the way, you’ll see me celebrate the little moments -- the milestones and the victories -- that God gives us each and every day.

Thank you for following along on this journey, and where ever it may lead, your encouragement and friendship has helped make it a reality. Let’s keep running together and pushing for the finish line one day at a time!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

Lessons from a half-marathon (miles 4-6)

(This is part 2 of a 5-part series. If you’d like to start at the beginning, click HERE) [Therefore] ...let us encourage each other, and all the more, as you see the day approaching...”

After the big start to our race, and after a natural separation occurred based on the speed of each runner, miles 4-6 are where Traci and I established a real rhythm. Whereas the start is filled with energy and enthusiasm, stage two is focused on sustaining a pace.

During our race, the Sleeping Bear Marathon, Traci and I found a very comfortable stride as we came out of mile four and began mile five. Mile four ended at an aid station after a pretty steady uphill climb. I grabbed my first cup of water from this table and as we ran past, the lady handing me my water said, “You have a great downhill stretch ahead of you. Enjoy!”

That downhill stretch nearly lasted through the turnaround at the halfway point (6.55 miles). It was a steeper downgrade at first, but leveled out slowly so that we could enjoy the pace all the way down. It wasn’t one of those downhills where you feel almost out of control, but it was strong enough that you felt like you didn’t have to work so hard to keep the momentum going. It was a very comfortable time in the race.

An other occurrence started happening at mile four: Traci and I began to be passed by people on the other side of the street; passed by the people who were on their way back to the finish line. We were just crossing mile four while the fastest runners were crossing mile eight. Made me laugh to think they were running twice as fast as were!

Here we were given a real unique opportunity: We started cheering on and encouraging the runners who were coming back up the hill towards us. It was fun to watch their reactions. The first few people didn’t realize we were cheering for them as we ran past in the opposite direction, so I started calling out their bib numbers to make it clear: “Great job 353!” or “Looking good 230!”

People’s reactions were great. Traci and I got some big smiles, thumbs up and several people hollered encouragement back to us. We saluted everyone coming back toward us, which, since we weren’t setting any speed records on this course, was about 75% of the field! As we cheered for groups of people, they cheered back and miles 4-6 were, without a doubt, the easiest miles we covered on Sunday.

Here are three lessons I learned from miles 4-6:

1. When Traci and I were recounting our experience to fellow racers, Clay and Lisa (Clay finished 1st in his age group, 15th over all, and Lisa was similarly fast!), we described miles 4-6 (where, incidentally, we saw Clay and Lisa both pass us on the opposite side of the road!). Afterward Traci made this comment, “Miles 4-6 definitely went by the fastest, and they were the easiest.” What made those miles the easiest? First, it was the most downhill part of the course, but secondly, and I think more importantly, we were focusing on encouraging other runners. While we were finally getting into our stride, it was [relatively] easy to encourage other runners. As racers, it’s easy to put your head down and run (and there is a time for that!), but when you do, you miss out on the people right near you who might need your encouragement, and who might be able to encourage you. Once you pass the starting phase of a project or lifestyle change, and you get to where you’ve established a bit of your stride, remember to look around you and offer encouragement to those who are racing near you. Maybe they’re along side you, or maybe they’re blowing past you on the other side of the road, either way -- your encouragement may be just the boost they need in their race, and you will find that it helps your journey, too.
2. I wasn’t very far into mile two before I started seeing some runners who had come out of the gate too fast. The adrenaline and energy of the starting line can deceive us into believing we’re faster than we’ve trained, or that we have a 13.1 mile sustainable speed boost. One lady in particular blew past us in the first 1/4 mile, but just beyond the 2 mile marker, she was walking and trying to catch her breath. After a short walk she started back into her run at a much more regulated pace. She was a good runner and I’m sure she finished well ahead of our pace. But she was strongest when she found her rhythm, not when when she was surging on adrenaline. Use the starting energy to get out fast and to build momentum, but remember that you usually (never?) can’t sustain that pace for long. You will be strongest in the rhythms of life, not in the surges.
3. We really enjoyed miles 4-6, almost as much (more?) as we enjoyed miles 1-3. Remember to enjoy the rhythms of life. There are going to be uphill parts of the path, you will experience the flat lands and you will experience the wind, the rain, the sun and the cold and heat, but during the rhythms, take time to enjoy the route. Sometimes we can get caught up in the pace of others, comparing ourselves to them, instead of just embracing the race that God has put us in. Traci and I easily could have been discouraged by people running more than twice as fast as we were, but instead, we chose joy and encouragement on our way.

Once you’ve started moving toward your goals and dreams, once you’ve started tackling the journey that God has put you on, look for the pace that will help you sustain for the long haul. I think all of us want to believe we can go full throttle for the entire event, but reality says it’s not possible! In running events, injuries occur when racers take to a speed that’s too fast, and rarely are goals achieved.

One woman was running the marathon and when she ran past us at mile 11 (she was on mile 24) I said, “Great job...you’re doing awesome!” She replied, “Not really. I led this race until mile 20...and then I lost it!” She was not happy. I was surprised to hear she had been leading (for the women) because several women had gone by us at that point, one probably a mile or two ahead of her. After the race I heard her lamenting to a supporter, “I just started out too fast.”

After you ride the momentum of a start, find your rhythm and enjoy the race. Too many people get burned out in life, burned out on pursuing their God-sized goals and objectives, in part, because they never find a rhythm. What about you? Are you in need of finding a rhythm? Are you in the rhythm right now, and struggling to enjoy it? Maybe you need to look up and encourage others who are around you, behind you and, yes, even ahead of you! Maybe you need to just see the scenery and take it all in while you keep plugging along? Find your rhythm and you’ll find your strength.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Three thoughts for the weekend

After our first full winter in northern Michigan, I’m enjoying the warm spring days that remind me that summer is really coming to Michigan, and that soon I will tan up, be enjoying late night walks in the warm summer air with my wife and be soaking up the fun at the lake we are privileged to live on. I am, without a doubt, a warm-weather kind of a guy.  

But when God opens the doors and leads you some place that experiences six months of winter, you buckle up your snow pants and follow Him!

So now that winter is officially over (it only took until May 15th for me to feel confident enough to say that), I thought I’d share three lessons I’ve learned about the weather while living with 225” of snow!

Everyone seems to complain about the weather...but I don’t have to: Have you ever noticed that anywhere you travel, people will find something about the weather that they don’t like? I remember a few years back, Traci and I were in Hawaii in January. We had just left Portland after a significant snowfall (ok...significant by NW standards; now that I live in Michigan, I would barely call anything less than ten inches in ten hours “significant!”), and landed in Salt Lake City, Utah where temps were several degrees below zero! You can probably guess at how thrilled we were to be in Maui where the skies were sunny and blue, and the temps were in the high 70s.

Imagine our shock when we heard people complaining about “the unseasonably high

temperatures” and how ready they were for some normal “cooler” temps. Seriously?! If they had just come from the West Coast, they would not be complaining about warmer temps, but because they lived locally, the temps were somehow bothersome. (As a warm weather guy, I’m still struggling with this concept overall, but I’m trying to practice being gracious...it’s not working!)

In the same way, Traci and I found ourselves laughing repeatedly at how often people here griped about the snow, really beginning after the New Year. Yes, it snowed a lot this year, but it’s NORTHERN MICHIGAN! It’s going to snow here, and some winters (like the one we just had) are going to be really bad. That’s the way it is in NORTHERN MICHIGAN! If it was snowing for days on end in Miami, you might have something to complain about (and something to be very worried about), but in NORTHERN MICHIGAN, you can anticipate the possibility of snow from October to early May.

Part way through winter I realized I was starting to develop the same whiney attitude. That’s when I made a choice -- I chose not to complain about the weather. If people in Hawaii complain about the winter warmth, if people in Oregon complain about the spring rains, people in Arizona about the oppressive summer heat wave, if people in the Midwest complain about the humidity and people in Colorado complain about the psychotic temperature changes, the reality is that there is no perfect weather system or location. No matter where you live, at some point or another, the weather will give you something to complain about. I made a choice not to gripe. I didn’t always love the weather, but I refused to gripe.

Griping about the weather affects everything else: The reason that choice was so important was because starting my day in the dull drums about the weather had significant influence on how I approached the rest of my day. You know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever rolled out of bed and heard the rain falling outside, seen the new layer of snow on your freshly plowed driveway or felt the oven-like heat already coming through the window into your non air-conditioned house, you started your day with a big bucket of “Blahhhhh!” You’re already grumpy and nothing has actually happened.

When I made the choice to accept the day’s weather as simply a backdrop to my day instead of the primary influencer on how I would start (or end!) my day, I had a much better day. Attitude is always a choice, and when I start my day chirping about the weather, I’m giving my choice away to one of life’s many facets that I can’t control!

The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to, “be joyful always.” What a statement! It’s such a simple, yet profound, command, and it implies that I actually have control over my joy. When I gripe about the weather, the rest of my day tends to follow suit. When I choose joy regardless of the weather, my day tends to follow suit. Are you sure you want the course of your day to be directed by a climate you can’t control and one which, in most cases, will never be “perfect” regardless of where you live?

Opportunities are lost when we live grumpy: The ultimate reason this attitude change is so important, is that opportunities to live the Overboard Life are lost, when we’re living grumpy! Think about it, when you’re living ticked off about the weather (or about your boss, fellow employees, debt payments, parents, children or broken down car) you are focused primarily on you. You thoughts are focused on how you’d like your day to change, on what you think you need to be happy instead of looking up at the opportunities that are all around you.

We end up being like the people riding the New York subway a few years back. You’ve probably seen the video of a world-renown concert violinist playing the most beautiful music in one of New York’s subway tunnels. He set up his instrument, opened his case as if he were a street musician asking for money, then played his entire concert for those scurrying from stop-to-stop in New York. Few people paid any attention. Hours later, that same violinist was commanding hundreds of dollars per ticket as he performed in one of New York’s famed concert halls in front of thousands of admiring fans.

The chance to enjoy the beauty of music, to hear a world-class musician, was lost because most people were too focused on their own schedules, deadlines, meetings, hunger or the day’s early frustrations to take time to notice the opportunity that was right in front of them. When we live grumpy, we miss chances that are right in front of us. We miss God’s beauty in our lives, we miss an open window to serve others or the joy of being served by others. Being grumpy drastically affects our outlook on life.

So if we get a chance to spend some time together, and you happen to catch me grumbling about the weather, remind me of this blog. Remind me that I can choose not to complain, remind me that according tot he Bible, a joyful attitude is my choice and remind me of what I’m missing when I live grumpy. You might also mention that I’m really not that fun to be around when my attitude is stinkin’ it up.

Go ahead and take the plunge, your attitude is better on the water!

Are you participating in your own life?

About seven or eight years ago, Traci and I were at a crossroads in our lives. The alphabets (AJ, BJ & CJ) had all been born and we were in the throes of parenting. We had taken on a boat load of debt due to several big medical expenses, the purchase of a family car, the total collapse of our sewer system (yes, that’s as fun as it sounds!) the loss of a furnace, and on and on. We were feeling the weight and pressure of debt, of raising small children and of trying to keep our marriage alive (not just together!).  

Traci had just finished up a third round of seminars hosted by Klemmer and Associates, and was starting to push through some of the junk in life that keeps us from growing and moving forward. As she has said in her own speaking and blogging, “I wasn’t even participating in my own life.” She had been struggling with depression brought on after child birth, and we were both struggling to just get through each day: it’s like survival was all we were after.

After Traci’s most recent seminar, we began to talk more about the future and our dreams, and both of us were becoming convinced that just surviving life wasn’t enough. My job at the church was going well, but it had become a bit stagnant; the new systems and calendar I had put in place were the new “norm” and I been taking it easy in cruise control.

That’s when it happened.

One of the elders in my church, Kent Kersey, came to me after services on Sunday and asked if I had read Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years? I was not a Donald Miller fan, which he knew, and I politely declined. He told me that it was a great book and that I really should consider reading it. In fact, he gave me a copy and said I needed to take it with me to the camp I was speaking at the next week.

I thanked him for the book, and since Kent is one of the best thinkers I know, I believed what he said about the book. I packed it away for our trip to Northern California to speak at a summer camp just outside Eureka and figured I’d at least start reading it when we got there.

On Monday morning I picked up the book and by Tuesday afternoon I had finished it. I

handed it to Traci and she read it by Thursday and then I read it again before we left on Saturday. I’ve read it a couple of times since then. Essentially, Donald Miller used this book to explain that he had been a spectator to his own life. When Christian artist/producer/singer/director Steve Taylor approached Don about making a movie of Don’s life, Miller realized he didn’t have much of a life. He had written a lot about life, he had challenged people to live a better life, but he himself was sitting an armchair, watching others live and writing about it.

Through this process of recognizing his lack of living, Don embarked on a journey to have a life worth reading about; to make a life that would be worthy of a movie. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years tells about Don’t journey from armchair critic to active participant in life.

And it struck a nerve with me and with Traci. We were at our own crossroads, trying to figure out how to make our marriage, and our parenting and our ministry and our business(es) be more about just surviving. We didn’t want to wake up each day just trying to survive, just trying to make it to the end of the day so we could sleep, wake and repeat. We wanted a life worth sharing or writing about, we wanted to have a marriage that would shine as an example for other couples struggling like us and we wanted to live for something so much bigger than ourselves.

When we got back from the camp, we were full of ideas, and slowly we began to implement them. I set up my first blog and began some semi-regular writing. Traci and I started dreaming about some service projects that our whole family could be a part of and then began to move forward, together. Traci continued her personal growth seminars, I started being coached and began reading other books that would help lay a path for our dreams.

Suddenly, it was as if we were back in the thrill of experiencing life again; we were participating in our own lives! Don’t get me wrong, our daily existence and routine didn’t instantly become easy. The path wasn’t laid with gold bricks, the skies weren’t always blue and the sun did not always shine. Instead, we began to realize that we didn’t need gold paths, blue skies and sunshine in order to experience the richness of life. Traci and I began to choose to fully embrace our lives regardless of our circumstances. We decided that life is a God-given adventure, and sitting on the sidelines to watch it pass by was no longer an option.

During that season, the words of John 10:10 became very real to me: Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” The Message translates it this way: “A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” Does that sound like the description of a life you’d want to stand by and watch? Of course not, that’s the kind of life all of us want to live -- we want to be a part of a life like that!

Are you watching your own life pass by? Are you caught up in just trying to survive each day, hoping to fall asleep at the end of it and wake up and repeat in the morning? I’ve been there, and I can tell you that there’s something better than just surviving! I can’t promise you a quick fix, better circumstances or a fuller bank account. But I can promise you a fuller life, a better reason for getting up each day and a future worth dreaming about. The life God wants to give you is “real...more...and better” than anything you could ever dream up on your own.

Will you trust Him with your life? Will you take action in faith, believing that God can guide your steps to the best life possible? We can embrace life in all of it’s goodness, struggle, tension, joy, sorrow, pain and victory and we can enjoy it’s richness by experiencing it fully through Jesus.

36 down, 4 to go!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

My second book, Project Nehemiah, is all about embracing the remarkable life God has for each of us. You can purchase a copy here if you're interested in more!

#tbt: I won a $1,000 in a box of cereal!

I know I’ve already written past the 4th grade years a week or so ago, but on #tbt (Throwback Thursday) it seemed an appropriate time to share a story from that glorious age: the day I won $1,000 out of a box of Captain Crunch cereal.  

#whatyouareabouttoreadisatruestory

There is a whole area of study in human development that believes the most important time of a person’s life is the fourth grade. There’s something about that age that cements core childhood thought habits and patterns, and where a child’s belief about themselves and the world around them begins to come into focus. These scientists (behaviorists?) see an uncanny connection between 4th grade belief systems and adult behavior.

When it comes to fourth grade, I actually don’t remember much. I remember Mr. Vanderhoff and that I really liked him as a teacher. I remember that we got to be out in the “new building” in fourth grade, so that added a new layer of coolness to getting older. I have a few other scattered memories (like playing Oregon Trail on the Apple II E’s in the library) but most remembrances are pretty hazy.

However, the memory of when I won $1,000 from a box of cereal is vivid.

It was a Saturday morning when I stumbled out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. I grew up in a cereal family, where cereal was eaten day or night, and the prize in the box was never left to the second person. When I woke up on that Saturday, I was a little surprised to see I was the first to climb in to the box of Captain Crunch because my brother Phil had been required to attend a day of school reserved for extra special students: Saturday School. So he had gotten up well before me, but had chosen not to enjoy the Cap’n that morning.

Pleasantly surprised, I opened the box, and dumped a healthy pile of the golden deliciousness into my bowl, and poured a little too much milk make sure I’d have enough for seconds. As I crunched away, I reached into the box to pull out the mystery prize, only to discover, much to my disappointment, that it wasn’t a game, but a silly poster of Cap’n Crunch himself. I turned the box around and read that there was a special contest involving these posters and the winners would receive their choice of a 5-minute Toys-R-Us shopping spree or $1,000.

I finished breakfast then removed the wrapper that protected the poster from total Cap’n Crunch dust decay. There was the Cap’n, holding on to a flag pole, with a big cheesy smile. Apparently the flag had a secret glow-in-the-dark message that I would only be able to see in our hall closet, the one room in the house without any outside windows. So I took my poster into the closet and I couldn’t believe the two words I saw:

“You Win!”

I shrieked. I woke up my mom and told her I had won $1,000. Knowing the sweet, never sarcastic, always truth-telling child that I was, she replied in her most motherly tone: “No you didn’t. Now go clean your room.” I was going gonzo because I knew I had won, but I needed my mom to verify this great moment of truth. She wasn’t ready to be duped by her fourth grade son (who was known to carry jokes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to far), so for several minutes she didn’t even think about checking the poster. Finally, whether out of true curiosity or just a desire to end this really bad joke, she took the poster and held it up to the light, revealing it’s secret message: “You Win!”

She read the box carefully and I began parading around the neighborhood boasting about my prize. I think I knew from the outset that I was taking the $1,000 because I had been wanting to buy a computer like my friends all had, a Commodore 64! Sure enough, the rules confirmed that I had indeed won the prize and we sent our poster off for verification.

During that time we talked a lot about the prize. I thought about the 5-minute shopping spree for a few minutes, but realized that computers were not included in the list of acceptable items, so I went back to the grand. The day my prize letter arrived, my parents carefully read the form and I selected my prize of $1,000. I still remember the day the check arrived and my dad took me to cash it. The banker gave me ten crisp hundred dollar bills and I had never seen so much money in my life!

$300 of it went into the bank. Out of a depth of kindness (or pity?) for my brother who passed on the prize, I think I threw a Franklin toward his future school bills. I gave my parents $150 for buying the groceries and then spent $350 on my new computer, a black and white TV (aka: monitor) and a floppy disk drive. I was in heaven!

Now some of you math geeks added up the money and said, wait, that only adds up to $900. Pat yourselves on the back for your astuteness, the rest of you go back up and check their work. My mom tells this part of the story from that corner of a mom’s heart that’s reserved for moments her children “get it,” and they are filled with so much motherly pride. I think my brothers and sisters filled most of that space in my mom’s heart, but I have at least one moment that takes up a little real-estate in that corner of her heart!

When the money came, my mom said, “Ok Joe, you have $1,000, how are you going to

spend it?” We had already been talking about groceries, bank, computer etc... but she wanted to know that I actually had a plan. I quickly corrected her: “I have $900 to spend and I will buy a....” She stopped me, “What do you mean you have $900?” I put on my best theological hat and explained that God gets the first 10%, so $100 was going to Him. That left me $900. I think she actually teared up a little.

The day I put the $100 bill in the offering plate is good for another story (something about pride and gifts given to draw attention to one’s self?) but the principle was important. My parents had taught me early on that no matter how much or how little you made, at least 10% comes off the top and goes to God’s work.

I look back at that prize money and realize that I didn’t even bat an eye at giving money to my parents, giving a consolation prize to my brother and especially about returning one hundred bucks to the Lord. It was engrained in me to give be generous and to be a willing and joyful giver, that from the outset I was readily prepared to share what I had been blessed with. I haven plenty of other moments where my generosity was lacking, but that big moment in my life, really set a standard in my life, one Traci and I still try to practice today, whatever the season of life. And the cool thing about generosity is this: it’s not just about money.

God expects His children to be generous with everything they have, because everything you and I possess has God’s fingerprint all over it. Did you work for your money? Well who gave you that capacity to work? Did you win $1,000 out of a cereal box? Who put that box in your local grocery store allowing it to fall in your cart? Did you inherit your parent’s fortune? Who gave you life and placed you in that family to begin with? God knows it all, He directs it all, and so there is nothing we can simply claim as our own. James reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes to us from God.

In 2 Corinthians Paul gives a powerful teaching about generosity and stresses three key principles:

1. Give generously according to how God has blessed you
2. Give regularly
3. Give out of love and joy, not guilt

While Paul was teaching specifically about money, these same three principles apply to all of our giving. Give of your time generously, regularly and out of love and joy, not guilt. Give of your hospitality with generosity, regularity and out of love and joy, not guilt. You pick the gift, and these three principles apply! Notice, too, that we aren’t instructed to give everything away, but simply to be generous.

The Overboard Life requires a truly generous spirit. And generosity is never in comparison to anyone else, but always in comparison to God’s abundant blessing and goodness in our lives. The reason God is the standard is because no matter how much you and I give, it’s impossible to give more than God has already given to us -- you cannot out-give the Great Gift Giver!

How can you be more generous today? Don’t let selfishness, fear, control or scarcity keep you from being generous with the gifts God has given you. Give generously to the Lord and watch how you share in a great harvest of righteousness and joy.

24 down, 16 to go.

Go ahead and take the plunge -- giving generously -- because life is always better on the water!

Three thoughts for the weekend

By Joe Castaneda I was recently doing a series of interviews for jobs at the camp. One of the questions I ask is, “What are some values your parents have passed on to you that you will try to live by?” As I reflected on that question myself, I thought I would share with you three values my parents gave to me. What about you? Did your parents pass on any values to you that you still try to live by? Share with us your thoughts in the comments here or on Facebook!

1. Keep God first in everything: My parents lived their faith by conviction, not convenience and not out of fear. They operated out of a key belief that God cared deeply for them and how they lived, and they desired to please Him first. They weren’t perfect parents (they’d be the first to admit this), but they worked hard to keep God first above all the noise of jobs, kids, bills, vacations, good days and bad days. I’m thankful for this value they passed on to all of his kids.
2. Have fun in the car: We took a lot of road trips as a family. My dads clan lived in Oakland, CA so at least once a year we took the 10-hour dive down to Oakland, always in one stretch. That was back in the day when you could crawl in and out of that small window between a truck cab and truck bed, as well as lay in the back window of a giant Ford LTD without penalty. My parents, especially my mom, worked hard to make those trips fun. We played games, we worked on spelling (I still know how to spell “hospital” because of one of those trips), we read, we listened to stories, we ate and we always sang, “For He’s the Jolly Good Fellow...” whenever we crossed state lines. That simple lesson reminds me to have fun on the journey, in or out of the car. Whatever road you’re traveling right now, look for the joy. I’m guessing if you’re doing pretty well on number one, you’ll find number two a bit easier!
3. Be hospitable: I didn’t realize it growing up, but it wasn’t normal for everyone to always have guests in their house. I thought that was just what everybody did! I can only remember a few periods of time where we didn’t have a guest living at our house. I had several “older brothers” that I found out weren’t actually my brothers when I was 18-years-old! (I always wondered about Paul Vinje, he seemed too short, too smart and too Russian to be related to me (Mexican-Dutch parents!)) but...I just assumed he was family! My mom frequently had an extra spot set at the table, where I met many pastors, missionaries, national youth workers, single moms, college students and others. What a blessing! Traci and I have had the joy of continuing that tradition of having guests, housing students and sharing whatever resources God has given us.

What about you? What are some values that your parents have passed on to you that you still try to live by? One of the great blessings of living the Overboard Life is sharing it with others, and passing on to your children great, Godly, values that can shape their future.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Three things for the weekend

Christmas is just a few days away. As we enter the final weekend leading up to December 25th, I have three thoughts for us to keep in mind. Because I still have a little Baptist (pronounced “Baaab-tist”) preacher in me, I had to aliterate them; so they all start with “r”:  

Rest: Don’t let this Christmas come and go without taking some time to rest. Our amazing creator God rested on the 7th dat of creation, not because He needed the rest, but because He was setting an example for His creation. Don’t exhaust yourself in the all the activity of Christmas presents, Christmas parties and family reunions; give yourself time to rest, and to enjoy God’s greatest gift to you: the Baby in the the manger.

Rejoice: My favorite people from the story of Jesus’ birth, are the shepherds. That Jesus chose to reveal Himself to them first, is another blog post, but these hard-working servants, low-lifes in society were the first to see the God-Man wrapped in cloths. And their response is inspiring: They rejoiced…and told everyone about what they had seen. Take some time to rejoice in Jesus this Christmas. Stop to embrace the manger, and to thank God for His precious gift. Rejoice because the redemption of our souls came in the frailty of humanity so that through His death, our sins could be atoned for.

Remember: Luke 2:11 is the Christmas story in a nutshell: “For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior who is Christ the Lord.” In all of your activity over the next 8-10 days, remember that Jesus came to bridge the gap between you and God. He came to heal hearts, restore the broken, lift up the fallen and most of all -- to save the lost. Remember Jesus this Christmas, and everything else will take it’s proper place.

Go ahead and take the plunge -- even Christmas is better on the water!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you take today to refocus your life toward gratitude. In my own life, so much more has been accomplished through the joy of thanksgiving than through any other motivation or attitude. When I am living with a heart of thanks, I’m at my creative and energetic best! Thankfulness turns pain into joy, turns disappointment into opportunity and turns failure into success.

Imagine if we created a physical token of what it means to be thankful. What if every time you and I were tempted to complain, grumble, blame, play victim or turn to our vices, we instead pulled out this reminder and lived in thanks? What if that token was a chair? Maybe our lives would look like this:

Thanksgiving Chair

Live in the Thanksgiving chair today. And then pull it out again tomorrow. “Give thanks in all circumstances…” (1 Thess 5:18).

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

My cup overflows

In Psalm 23, David says, “My cup overflows” in reference to his position under the blessing of God’s hand. There’s a popular song playing on Christian radio that talks about trying to take in the full scope of God’s blessing is like trying to hold the sea in a coffee cup. Both the Old Psalmist and his contemporary counterpart are expressing the same truth: God’s goodness and blessing in our lives cannot be contained.

Of course, that’s not just talking about the “good” times. But in all times -- God’s grace is ever present and always overwhelming. It just seems there are moments in life where we are better at seeing it.

Over the past several months, my wife and I have often sensed that we were receiving an out pouring of God’s goodness that was far too much for either of us to contain. My heart has been full to the brim, and gallons of God’s grace have fallen over as I have seen His greatness shine in ways I haven’t experienced in time’s past.

Here are just a few of those ways. Maybe as you read these, you will become more aware of God’s grace and goodness in your own life:

1. Relationships: As we have made the move from Oregon to Michigan, God has overwhelmed me with the blessing of relationships. On the one hand, I have had my heart filled by the kind words, gracious gifts and incredible outpouring of love from those we have shared life with these past 12 years. It is one of the more humbling events in life, to hear people give testimony of how God has used you in their life. Humbling because you know it had to have been God’s work through you, because you know the struggles you’ve navigated at the same time. We all know our own imperfections (too well!), yet despite them (and sometimes through them), God does His finest work. And not only have we had the blessing of past relationships, we’ve also had the joy and anticipation of future ones. The new team we are beginning to partner with here in Michigan has been welcoming, excited for our arrival and gone above and beyond the call of duty to help us make our new home. On both ends of this whole adventure, God has truly made our cups overflow!
2. Things: We know things will never fill us up, yet God shows His goodness, even in stuff. Again, we’ve seen this on both ends of our move. On the one hand, we have parted with so much of our stuff. We’ve sold or given away couches and beds and crockpots and tools and toys and shelves etc… and done so with minimal sadness. It’s hard to get rid of things, but it has been a joy to be freed from the burden stuff brings with it. On the other end, the camp has been so generous and gracious with us, providing resources for us to furnish our house. They put in amazingly soft carpet, and painted the whole interior according to my wife’s color choices. We showed up and they had all the necessities in place (plates, napkins, silverware, TP etc…) along with a table and refrigerator full of food. Our driveway was plowed and the house was warm -- a gracious welcoming that made us feel right at home. Once again, God has made our cups overflow!
3. Travel: En route to Michigan we experienced weather like you would expect in late June. Roads were dry, snow was minimal (literally, just a few flurries as we crossed the Continental Divide in Montana!) and we experienced blue skies for the majority of our road trip. While temperatures were chilly, the traveling conditions were absolutely perfect. Along the way, we were able to connect with Traci’s side of the family tree, and enjoy making some special memories. The car didn’t have a single hiccup, and we got better gas mileage than we’ve gotten in quite some time. At one hotel, the manager kept the pool open for an extra 30 minutes so my kids could swim, because he took pity on our 13-hour road trip and having arrived at pool-closing time. Even in the details of our travel, the Good Lord made our cups overflow!
4. Tears: Tears have been plentiful, on both sides of this trip. But through it all, we have drawn closer together as a family and have experienced an outpouring of love and support from so many of you! You will never know what your cards, emails, fb posts and texts have meant to us, but they have been used by God to bring tears of joy and to…make our cups overflow!

I could go on, but I think you get the point. I know that not all seasons of life are as exciting or joy filled. God gives us valleys and sorrows along the journey, too, that we might draw even closer to Him. Even in those seasons -- maybe especially -- the grace of God overflows in our lives. When we can’t sense God’s grace, it’s not usually because it’s absent, it’s because we’re looking for God to deliver it according to our terms, not trying to understand it according to His.

Right now, I’m enjoying mopping up the floor where God’s grace has run over. I’m very aware of His grace and it’s a great place to be. I hope I will continue in this space even as things return to “normal” and especially when the tougher times come. Thankfully, when I don’t see my cup overflowing I can know this one truth: God never changes. It’s not that my cup hasn’t been filled, it’s that I usually have my hand over the top!

Living the Overboard Life is always an adventure. But thankfully, it’s an adventure that gives us opportunity to see God’s grace in a new and deeper ways. What are you waiting for?

Go ahead and take the plunge…life is always better on the water!

Change isn't easy...but it doesn't have to be hard!

Living the Overboard Life is so daunting at times. I want it to be easy, even though I know that being pushed to the limit is what helps expand my limits. I know that being emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually stretched will only result in my ultimate good and God’s ultimate glory. But that knowledge alone, doesn’t make the process any more enjoyable. Then I find myself falling into another trap: believing that personal growth has to be hard. It’s not easy, for sure, but that doesn’t mean it has to be hard. In fact, even Jesus found joy in the process of buying our redemption (Hebrews 12:3), and I believe God expects us to show the same joy in our own growth. It’s not easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard!

Oscar De La Hoya, the great Mexican boxer, once said this about fighting: “Always keep smiling. Work hard and fight the best. There’s no room for ducking anybody. I always fought the best, and whether I won or lost, I always had a smile on my face. Whether it was a tough fight or an easy fight, I would smile…”

Personal growth isn’t easy, but it can be joyful. There are struggles. Some are overcome easily, some require great effort. Sometimes we lose the immediate battle, though we press on to win the war. But through it all, we can be joyful.

Here are three simple ways I’ve learned to keep my joy when I’m in the middle of a struggle to grow:

1. Share victories, even the small ones, with the people you love. Most people love to complain. We love to talk about how rough our day was, or how bad our lives are. The evening news, our online news sources and our current events news sites have programmed us to start a recall of our day with the worst events, first. Flip the switch -- share your joys and victories first, even the small ones.
2. Memorize joyful Scriptures. I have some power Scriptures that remind me to be joyful, or ones that bring joy to my heart and soul. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7) always puts a smile on my heart. After all, if God will exchange my worries for His care, I’m going to be ok!
3. Spend time intentionally being thankful. The words “Thank you” bring joy to both the giver and receiver of them. When I am thankful for the activities of my day, I receive as much joy as those I’ve thanked. Here are a few “thank you’s” I try to use frequently:
   • Thank you Traci for a great meal tonight.
   • Thank you [insert child’s name] for doing your chores without grumbling
   • Thank you officer for that ticket (yes, I actually thanked a police officer for handing me a ticket) (ok, hopefully I don’t have to use that one “frequently”!
   • Thank you Sandy (my secretary) for managing that mailing for me.
   • Thank you Danny for that timely phone call and advice.

On and on I could go, but the point is this: Every day I have something to be thankful for. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, taking a few moments to express thanks to God and to those people He has placed in my life, my perspective can change quickly.

What tools do you use to keep yourself joyful in the journey? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Happy Thanksgiving (aka: the discipline of thankfulness) (2/7)

I’ve really enjoyed the 30 day gratitude challenge so many people are doing on facebook. I’m curious if there’s a way to measure people’s overall happiness during this month, but if facebook is any indication, people are happier. After all, when you’re committed to being thankful at the end of day, no matter what happens, it forces you to see the good in life. And I think that’s the point of thankfulness -- seeing what is good all around us.  

Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5 to “be thankful always”. That seems incredibly appropriate as we celebrate Thanksgiving. But of course, “always” means our thankfulness must occur more often than the fourth Thursday or November (or the second Monday of October for our Canadian audience members).

As we focus on the disciplines that make it possible to live the Overboard Life, the discipline of thankfulness is one that must be learned, relearned and mastered. “Thank you” is powerful.

I’m currently working through Tommy Newberry’s latest book, “40 days to a joy-filled life”. I can’t say enough about Tommy and his book, and I encourage you to pick up a copy yourself. One of the key thrusts of Newberry’s book is this: you can choose what you focus on and think about. Each day, with every thought, you have choices to make about what your mind will dwell on. You can see things with a bent towards thankfulness, or you can see things through the lens of disappointment and victimhood. Each day, you get to choose.

When we develop the habit of thankfulness, I think we stop doing these three things:

1. Blaming others for our circumstances.
2. Looking for excuses as to why we aren’t where we want to be.
3. Wanting others to fail while.

And start doing these three things:

1. See our circumstances as part of journey, and find thankfulness even when the path is hard.
2. Choose to focus on the reality of opportunity in trials and tough times, finding thankfulness for opportunity to grow as we move towards the end destination.
3. Celebrate others’ successes, as much as own, finding thankfulness if the journeys of fellow travelers.

I believe the discipline of thankfulness is a game-changer. I believe this so much I’ve intentionally moved much of my life in that direction. Several years ago I actually thought about how unthankful my prayers had been so now almost all of my prayer times begin like this: “Dear God, Thank you for....” By putting thankfulness at the beginning of my prayers, I believe I radically changed my communication with God. As much as I’m speaking to God about things I’m seeking His divine help on, I’m also mindful of the things for which I’m thankful. In fact, sometimes I start my prayers, “Heavenly Father, thank you...” and I actually pause because I wasn’t mentally ready with gratitude. The pause does me wonders, and when I think about and then express my thankfulness, my prayers are transformed.

Here are a few ideas to extend your thankfulness:

1. Evaluate your prayer life like I did, and intentionally add thankfulness to your prayer times.
2. Create a “Wall of Blessings” in your house. Write out the different ways God has blessed you and keep adding to it.
3. Make a point to write five thank you cards every week (or maybe one a day).
4. Wake up each morning and as you put your feet on the floor say, “Today, I am thankful for....” Repeat at night as you crawl into bed.

Do you have some ideas for developing an attitude of gratitude? Share those with us!

Living life out of the comfort of the boat and out on the water where Jesus is building His Kingdom is hard work and requires many different disciplines. One of those disciplines, is the discipline of thankfulness.

So go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Political prediction

I already know the results of tomorrow’s election. Call it divine clarity. Call it a spiritual gift of prophetic vision. I actually don’t care what you call it, but the fact remains: I know the outcome of the election, and I know I’m right. Here it is: Wednesday morning, millions of Americans will wake up fearful, sad and even angry.

On Wednesday, feel free to come back to this blog and comment on just how right this prophetic vision is! (Unless the election outcome is still unknown, at which time I hold the right to extend the application of this prophecy to whatever time I deem appropriate.)

Of course, if you have been engaged with year’s election at all (and it’s been hard to avoid it!), you know how contentious things have been. In my 38 years of living, spanning 12 presidential elections (including seven that I remember, six that I remember moderately well) I don’t remember one being so filled with animosity. And because of that, I’m confident of this: The “losing” team will not be happy come Wednesday morning.

So what are we supposed to do Wednesday morning? Here are a few commitments each of us should make today, regardless of our party affiliations.

1. Pray for your leaders: Nothing is simpler, yet has more power to create change, than praying for leaders. For some reason we only employ this tactic when our guy doesn’t win, basically praying prayers for God to remove the other guy at the next election. Paul reminds us that prayers are to be offered for everyone in authority, all the time: “our guy” or not! On Wednesday, whatever the outcome, commit to pray. “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone -- for kings and all those in authority...” (1 Timothy 2:1).
2. Respect those in leadership: It’s Peter that reminds us to “show proper respect to everyone” (1 Peter 2:17), yet I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read something like this on facebook: “I know I’m supposed to respect the president, but....” But? There is no “but” clause in 1 Peter 2:17, or in Romans 13:7 where we are commanded to respect and honor those in authority. The point is this: Don’t “but” your way out of obedience. President Obama or President Romney, it doesn’t matter, we owe them respect and honor. You don’t have to like their politics or policies, but you don’t have permission to badmouth them to coworkers, audiences or family members. Show respect to your leaders for the position they hold, even if you didn’t vote them there. I think we have a duty to fight for the right leaders (see also: #1 above), to converse (strongly), debate (graciously) and vote our conscience in light of Scripture. We don’t have the right to tear down God-appointed leaders. You don’t have to like him (or her), but you do have to respect him.
3. Make joy your daily habit: If your party wins on Tuesday, joy will be a whole easier on Wednesday. But it shouldn’t be. Joy should be your daily habit, whether your guy is president or not. Why? Because Jesus is your king! Paul told us to “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4) Win or lose on Tuesday, make joy your response on Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday... Jesus will still be king. In the midst of the political storms, joy could be your greatest witnessing tool.

Will you make these three commitments on Wednesday morning? Will you continue them on Thursday, regardless of the outcome of this year’s election? Politics is serious business, and the election (appointment) of the president of the United Sates (or whatever country/official rules in your home land) is not to be taken lightly. But God’s commands about such things trump man’s rule.

Put your name in the comments if you will commit to prayer, respect and joy.

Go ahead, take the plunge -- life is always better on the water!

5 key phrase for remarkable living (4 of 5)

“Choose your thoughts” (Part 4 of a 5-part series on living a remarkable life. Click here to read part 1, part 2 or part 3)

I’ve read scientific estimates that suggest the average human thinks 30,000 thoughts a day after their 18th birthday! That means if you live to be 78 years old, you will think 657,000,000 thoughts in your life. “A penny for your thoughts” is suddenly a very profitable offer!

Those 30,000 daily thoughts define us. It is essential that if you and I are going to live remarkable lives, we must aggressively seek to choose the thoughts we will dwell on, as well as the thoughts we will eliminate. We must give careful attention to our thoughts.

The Apostle Paul told a group of believers that he would strive to take each one of his thoughts captive, bringing them into submission under Christ. He understood how important thoughts were, and understood that living remarkably couldn’t be done without remarkable thinking.

Here are five areas where we need to carefully choose our thoughts:

1. Forgive quickly: I’ve known too many people whose lives have been wrecked by a little seed of bitterness. At least it was a little seed at one point. But when a person chooses not to forgive hurts committed against them, that little seed soon becomes a root that penetrates every part of their lives. That root takes over and before long, life is marked more by hurts than by victories, more by the pursuit of revenge and ‘fairness’ than by the pursuit of remarkable, Overboard living. Forgiveness is a choice, and when we learn to choose it in our thoughts early and often, we can find great freedom to pursue what God has put on our hearts.
2. Joy is an option: Joy is not a byproduct of good circumstances -- it’s a byproduct of daily choices, regardless of our circumstances. The Bible commands us to choose joy in our trials (James 1:2-4), not because trials are fun, but because trials produce in us something of eternal value. Victimhood is easy and is not for those living remarkably. Joy is one of the great indicators of those who are living remarkably. We must choose joyful thoughts each day, in each circumstance.
3. Think the best of others: I’m often guilty of reading into peoples’ actions and assigning a meaning that I perceive is correct. In other words, I’m guilty of thinking I know others’ motives. In 1 Corinthians 13, the great love chapter, Paul tells us that “love always protects, trusts hopes and perseveres” (1 Cor 13:7). I’ve had someone explain to me that “always trusts” means to believe the best in others. If you are going to live remarkably, you can’t waste some of your 30,000 daily thoughts on the motives of others. Instead, start by thinking the best of others until circumstances clearly direct you to do otherwise!
4. Load up on truth: Philippians 4:8 instructs us to think thoughts that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. The more you load up on the truth, the more you’ll begin to recognize things that aren’t true, or noble or right or pure or lovely or admirable or excellent or praiseworthy. The best counterfeit agents in the world don’t waste much of their time studying counterfeits -- they study the real deal. The more they know what the real thing looks like, the more easily they recognize a fake. Load up on the truth, and you’ll start to see right through the lies this world has to offer. The Bible is the greatest source of truth that we can fill our minds with.
5. Inspire others: What thoughts do you have that are about inspiring others? My friend Danny Ray is a world-class magician who inspires others every time he takes the stage. His magic is unreal. But if you spent just one afternoon with Danny while he’s not on stage, you’d see that what he does on stage flows out of what he does as a matter of intention. He thinks of ways to inspire others through acts of kindness, words of encouragement or through living as an example of selfless service. His thoughts are constantly circling around ways to make people laugh, think, smile or be blown away. He wants people to know God as he knows Him, and he does it by inspiring others.

If you are going to live remarkably out of the comfort of the boat, following Christ onto the water even in the midst of the storm, you will have to carefully choose your thoughts. I’ve given you my “Big-5”, what thoughts or categories would you add to the list? (Feel free to leave some of your ideas in the comments for others to consider.)

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is better on the water!

Pleasure (3/3)

[Today is the 3rd part of a three-part series on joy that began earlier this summer. I took a small break between completing the series, so if you need to refresh your memory, you can revisit PART 1 and PART 2 to get caught up.] In the first two posts about pleasure, we talked about the two extremes we must avoid. The first is the belief that everything in life is ultimately about my pleasure. This is extreme expresses itself when people make every decision based on how much pleasure they will receive from it. As Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes, there is no amount of pleasure that will every satisfy our lives and this extreme must be avoided.

The second extreme is equally unsatisfying, and that is the belief that we should avoid all pleasure, or that somehow, by not taking pleasure in things, we will be more spiritual. God created things for our pleasure, for our enjoyment, and we insult our Creator’s gifts and power when we choose to be without joy over the work He has done, and is doing!

So what’s the middle ground? How can we take pleasure in this life, without letting pleasure consume us? How can we learn to say “no” to things without saying “no” to everything? How do we find balance when it comes to pleasure?

Beats me. But here are a few concepts that help me, and maybe they will help you:

1. Remember, joy and pleasure are gifts from God: James 1:17 reminds us that all our good and perfect gifts are given to us by God. God is a giver of good things. In Philippians, Paul tells us, repeatedly, to “rejoice in the Lord!” In Philippians 3:1 he says, “Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.” Then in Philippians 4:4 he says, “Rejoice in the lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Joy and pleasure are gifts from God -- He expects us to enjoy them!
2. Moderation and self-control are central to keeping pleasure in its place: Without self-control, pleasure can too easily become the drive in our life’s direction. Pleasure can consume us and ultimately, take us away from the path God has laid out for us. Did you ever see the Johnny Depp version of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”? In the movie, Willie Wonka the benevolent chocolatier, played by Depp, is going to give away his chocolate empire to one worthy child. He holds a contest and several children win the chance to come to the chocolate factory to be “tested” by Willie to determine who will be the new king/queen of chocolate. One of the winners is a rather large, chocolate-loving child from germany. In fact, he won by eating thousands of chocolate bars in order to find the winning ticket that was put inside 5 special bars. In the first part of the tour, the children are guided into a room made entirely of candy. The grass. The trees. The flowers. The soil. Everything is made of candy, centered on a flowing river made entirely of chocolate. The young boy from Germany cannot resist the temptation, and although warned by Willie to avoid it, he runs instantly to the river and plunges himself into the chocolate he so loves. The plunge costs him his chance at chocolate greatness and he is the first child eliminated from being the next heir of Willie’s empire. It’s a silly movie (that I strangely enjoyed), but it repeatedly illustrates this truth: The pursuit of pleasure will destroy a life, but self-control can bring balance. Solomon spent over 20 years of life pursuing pleasure. In Ecclesiastes 2 he says he refused himself nothing in the pursuit of pleasure. Pleasures that included entertainment, sex, money, work, fine living and more. At the end of it all, he found emptiness and not a hint of satisfaction. It’s no mistake that Peter tells us, “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control....” (2 Peter 1:5). Self-control gives us the freedom to enjoy the pleasures of life, without being consumed by them.
3. Thankfulness keeps us mindful of God’s provision of pleasure: Paul wrote in 1 Thess 5:16-18, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances...” We usually take the “give thanks” command as something we are to do in tough circumstances. But notice Paul says to do so, “in all circumstances” -- even the good ones! God’s children should be the most thankful people on the planet! When’s the last time you gave God a hearty “thank you” after you took pleasure in something He provided? We often pray before our meals, but have you ever thanked God after a meal? Have you ever had a wonderful steak, grilled to perfection, and sat back from the table and said, “Thank you God for that wonderful meal?” We should be a thankful people, and especially when pleasure is involved. I am confident, that gratitude and thankfulness are huge keys in putting pleasure in its right perspective in our lives!

Life is full of opportunities to enjoy. When you and I live in faith, grabbing the sides of the boat and taking the plunge onto the water, we will experience joy and pleasure like never before, and that’s how God intended it! However, the pursuit of pleasure can be destructive to a life, and the Overboard life must be marked by faith, not by fun. Pursuing faith first, will provide the fun; but pursuing the fun first, will destroy the faith. Let’s enjoy this wonderful life, and let’s enjoy it in a way that honors our creator God.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always more fun on the water!