Words of encouragement (a blog post in just 4 paragraphs!)

Over the past few weeks, Traci and I have been truly overwhelmed by the number of encouraging notes, emails, texts, FB messages, posts, replies to blogs, etc... that we have received from so many of you. It is seriously humbling to be supported by so many people from so many walks of life. We’ve received notes from pastors and missionaries, co-workers, parents, cousins, firemen, military veterans, teachers, brothers, youth workers, students, 2nd career moms, CEOs, unemployed husbands, stay-at-home moms, principals, sisters, business owners, in-laws, church members from our previous work, small group members, baseball coaches and more. Truly we are humbled. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping carry us thru this season of transition. Your words of encouragement bring to mind Paul’s command in Ephesians, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those hear” (4:29). Without question, we have been recipients of your grace.

We’ve printed off all the encouragement we’ve received and taped each one to the back of our door. Over the next year I want to offer the same encouragement to others, that has been offered to us, so here’s what I’m committing to: each day between now and December 31st, I’m going to write a note that “fits the occasion,” praying “that it may give grace to those that hear.” Your words have not only encouraged us, but now they will be the inspiration for words that, by God’s grace, will be an encouragement to others.

Words are so important, and I believe I understand that now, better than ever before. Who could you encourage today? Will you take a little challenge with your words? For the next (7, 14 or 30...you choose!) days, take time to write one meaningful card, email, FB message or [insert your preferred message of communicating] to a person that needs a boost. Will you do that? Let me know in comments who's on board!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Hey Married guys, want to bless your wife with powerful words of encouragement? Check out this simple idea you can do for a week, a month or a whole year! TRUST ME, it's worth it!

5 tips for better sex

Let me just say that out of the gate, this is definitely a PG-13 blog post, intended for adults. The Overboard Life is supposed to include every part of our daily walk, including work, school, family, marriage, and yes, Overboard living applies to our sex life. So without apology, but with caution, I offer you an Overboard perspective on sex and intimacy on this Valentine’s Day, 2014. -----

So how does Overboard living apply to sex? It seems easy to think of the Overboard Life as we talk about faith and maybe even work and school, but really, sex?

Overboard living means stepping out in faith, trusting God with every part of our lives, and making it our business to conform to His business. For many, the idea of inviting God into one of the most intimate acts two people can share seems appalling and offensive. But the Creator of the universe is also the creator of relationships and the creator of sex! Inviting Him into the bedroom is as natural as the longing two people have for connection!

So how do we live Overboard when it comes to sex? Here are five idea:

1. Remember that sex is about your spouse. Today’s culture turns sex into a “satisfy me” type of activity. The main purpose for many in this world is self satisfaction, pleasure, and the pursuit of other forms of sexual gratification. But the best sex isn’t found in pleasing oneself, but in creating deep and beautiful satisfaction for your spouse. And not just physical pleasure, but creating connection at an incredibly emotional and personal level. When we focus our sex on satisfying the total person of our spouse, we will find the greatest personal satisfaction, too.
2. Stop being committed. I’m sick of people committing themselves to their relationships, it just doesn’t work. What? Seriously, how many times have you seen someone post on FB, “I’m in a committed relationship” only to see their status change a week or month or year later? Being committed to a relationship only lasts as long as we feel like we’re getting what we want out of it. Maybe it’s happiness, maybe it’s security or maybe it’s status. As soon as the benefit goes away, our desire to stay committed follows close behind. Stop being in a committed relationship and start being in a covenant relationship. A covenant relationship doesn’t rest on our feelings or the response of the other person, but rather, resting in our faith in God, a covenant relationship is a decision to pursue the good of another, first. Your sex life will reach a greater level of intimacy when you stop being committed and you start being covenanted to your spouse.
3. Learn to communicate: For Traci and I, our sexual satisfaction improved significantly when we began to engage in serious conversation about the topic. Yes, we learned to talk about the physical experiences we enjoy or wanted to enjoy, but even more, we’ve learned to talk about our expectations regarding sex. During one conversation we worked-out some bedroom frustration we were both experiencing. What Traci thought was playful sexual teasing, I thought was an invitation for bedroom fireworks. She was confused as to why I was being so excited to hop in the sack, and I was confused as to why she suddenly seemed so cold! I know a lot of couples who continue to live with frustrations that could be resolved with some pretty simple, though potentially awkward, conversations. (want 4 tips on how to communicate about sex with your spouse? Click HERE!)
4. Create intimacy in other parts of your marriage. Intimacy doesn’t begin in the bedroom. You’ve maybe seen the book, Sex begins in the Kitchen? I haven’t read the book, but the title expresses the concept well: sex improves dramatically when we create intimacy in other parts of our marriage. My wife and I love being together and experiencing life as we covenant ourselves, first to God, and then to each other. Those experiences create a closeness that translates into a better sexual experience! When we open ourselves up to share in each other’s dreams, goals and hopes, as well as our hurts, heartaches and tough times, we deepen the bond that exists between us. The bond makes our sexual connection stronger and better. Traci has always loved Hawaii and yet it took me until our 10th anniversary to realize that helping her fulfill that dream, deepened our bond together. It wasn’t just a fun trip or experience for her, it was an act of intimacy building to help her fulfill a decades old dream. As a side benefit, we had some fantastic Island sex (I’m guessing Hawaii has had that benefit on a lot of marriages)!
5. Just do it…God’s way. Ultimately, sex can never create a lasting, satisfying relationship, and especially not when we experience it apart from God’s plan. Sex was meant to be enjoyed (yes, God created pleasure as a key part of sex!) in the bonds of marriage, not in casual or even “committed” relationships. In marriage sex, we see a connection that exists between two people, and it’s the picture that God used to illustrate the intimate connection He wants with His people (Ephesians 5:31-32). That picture can’t exist when we slide from relationship to relationship, or choose to live without covenant. And If I choose to enjoy sex God’s way, that means I have to say no to sex that would take me outside of my marriage. I must fight the sexual temptations that exist with coworkers, pornography, old high school flames (unless you’re married to yours like I am!) or people that live their lives in contrast to God’s clear teaching. If I party with friends who don’t embrace God’s plan for sex, it won’t be long before I find myself in compromise. The creator of sex knows how it will best be experienced, and He chose marriage as the place where the greatest benefit, pleasure and intimacy of sexual union can be shared (Genesis 2:24).

The Overboard Life can be lived out in every facet of our relationship with God. Too often we think (or we live) our faith is just one small compartment of who we are, instead of extending it to each corner of our lives. Sex is a holy act when contained in the holiness of marriage. It is a beautiful expression of love and unity, and should be a richly satisfying and pleasurable experience. And God wants to be a part of your sex life, just as He wants to share in your parenting, your church attendance, your money and the way you conduct yourself at work.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life (and sex!) is always better on the water!

The lost art of letter writing

My kids love to hear stories about when Traci and I were dating. We started dating in high school (which we highly discouraged with our students during 16 years of youth ministry!!!) and continued through college, though we both went to separate schools across the country. During our college years, the internet was just coming into its own, and email was just becoming a daily tool used by the common folk. Forget about texting…cell phones were still the size of small pianos, and everyone had a Costco calling card to make those ghastly-expensive long distance phone calls. But during that time, we also wrote letters back and forth. The arrival of a letter from Traci could radically change the course of my day. If my day was going poorly, it suddenly improved, and if it was going well, it suddenly got great. Her letters had power.

Letters in general have that effect. I still love receiving letters in the mail, and though I do the vast majority of my communication through email, texts and social media, I try to make it a habit to mail out four or five letters/postcards, every week. In fact, Traci and I still mail letters to each other, encouraging cards, or those mushy romantic notes that make me blush when I read them in my office.

After we moved to Michigan from Oregon, I’ve tried to help our kids develop a weekly letter writing habit, too. Each Sunday they sit down and write at least one friend, one cousin or a grandparent a quick note, tell them about life in Michigan and maybe send a long a picture or two. Although they often complain when initially asked, they actually end up enjoying it. Often, they write more than they intended and then of course, they are thrilled when they get a response back!

There’s something special about letters in the mail. Over the years, I’ve written CEOs of large companies, conductors of orchestras and choirs and even coaches of sports teams. I’m amazed, because I almost always get a response when I put a letter in the mail. Maybe it’s because it’s too easy to send an email, and honestly, if your inbox looks anything like mine, 197 emails are tough to sort through and make thoughtful responses.

Of course, in Bible times letters were the only way to communicate to a person, or a group of people, without having to make a trip to everybody you wanted to connect with. Even 2,000 years before Jesus was born, there are records that the Egyptians had a developed message delivery system that carried official documents, cargo and letters all over their empire. Letters have always had an important place in human culture.

I think letters can also be a huge encouragement to someone trying to live the Overboard Life. Paul wrote churches in the early first century AD, pleading with them to follow closely after Jesus. His letters were always instructional, usually encouraging and full of wisdom, grace and practical application. He thanked people personally, he offered correction gently and he shared his heart for those he loved. We know his letters had impact, because they were shared from church to church, from house to house, and then divinely preserved for the past two thousand years.

One of my favorite of Paul’s letters was the one he wrote to the church in Colosse (Colossians). He starts with such a warm welcome, and ends with an equally warm farewell:

“We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love you have for all the saints…” (Colossians 3:3-4)

“Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings. give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house…I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains. Grace be with you.” (Colossians 3:15, 18)

He starts with joy, then ends with personal greetings reflecting his heart and love for the people of Colosse. They weren’t just a church or a group of believers, they were people who loved God and loved Paul, and Paul loved them. His letters expressed what he couldn’t do face-to-face. I can only imagine the encouragement and challenge his words brought as he penned his affections to those in Colosse.

Will you write a letter this week? Surprise someone with an “old fashioned letter” in the mail, and encourage them to live the Overboard Life. Maybe you can thank them for who they are, express your love for them because of their connection to you, or show appreciation for something they did that may have gone unnoticed.

A few years back I attended one of Tati’s choir concerts at her high school. They did a beautiful performance of a song I had heard in Israel at the Holocaust memorial just outside of Jerusalem. The choir’s performance was masterful. They captured the language and the beauty of the song, in a way that was somber and honoring to those it was intended to pay tribute.

I wrote the director and thanked her, and she sent back a very touching response. We began a short dialogue about the piece she directed and the God to which the song references. I don’t know what will ever become of that contact, but I do know this: a letter gave me access I might not have had otherwise.

Send a letter this week and see if God gives you access that you might not have had otherwise. Encourage a friend, love on your spouse or kids or point some one to the great God who loves them dearly, and has spared nothing in order to bring them into fellowship with Him. What are you waiting, write that letter today!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!