Joshua Duggar should rot

The recent story of Joshua Duggar, and his 12-year-old sexual misconduct conviction, has ripped through the news. Now 27, Joshua admitted to unspecified inappropriate sexual behavior involving girls when he was 15, and this seems to coincide with an Arkansas State Police report from the same time (approximately 2006) involving “forcible molestation.” However, the police report, in order to protect the minors involved, has been heavily redacted, and now expunged, so names and details don’t show on the report.

As news of this reached TLC, they quickly pulled the plug on their hit show, 19 Kids and Counting, a reality program about the Duggar family, their faith in God and how they’ve raised 19 children. Because Christian culture is in the limelight, the fallout from this type of move is significant. There are some who feel TLC is persecuting this family because of their faith, even though TLC did something similar to the family show, Honey Boo Boo, when one of its main stars was allegedly dating a pedophile. Others are outraged by Joshua’s behavior, teenager or not, and think the punishment was fitting, even though Joshua already faced civil prosecution according to Arkansas law, sought counseling and offered help to his victims.

Let’s face it, there are no acceptable excuses for perpetrators of sexual abuse. Sex crimes carry with them severe long-term pain for the victims, and the monsters behind those crimes deserve severe punishment.

Personally, I think Joshua Duggar should rot for his crimes. And while I’m at it, so should you.

Maybe you’re not a confessed sexual abuser, but I’m sure you have a list of crimes (illegal or otherwise) that you should rot for, too. Let me know if any of these would register on your record:

Gossiping: I think there are few crimes more devastating, yet more acceptable, in our culture than Gossip. Gossip fuels rivalries, breaks up relationships, stirs distrust, ruins the workplace and splits churches faster than almost any other type of crime. We all hate it, yet most of us participate in it at some level.

Lying: A close cousin of Gossip, but far more deadly and deliberate. In gossip, I might spread an untruth but genuinely not know. “I heard it from so and so...” and spread it like bubonic. With a lie, I know what I’m saying isn’t true, and yet I share it anyway. Lies drove a young teenage cheerleader in Florida to take her own life last year. Lies have corrupted presidencies, destroyed pastors, landed people in jail, ruined marriages, split up families and started wars. Lying might be the most sinister crime of all (it was the first crime ever committed).

Power abuse: Have you ever abused your position of authority? Have you ever taken your frustration out on a child or spouse, a co-worker, employee or sub-contractor? In the Christian world, I’ve seen far too many pastors, elders, counselors, camp directors, association leaders, deacons, choir directors and ministry leaders who have misused their authority for their own gain. In the church, it’s usually veiled in a “I’m doing what’s best for the [insert cause/organizaiton/church here]” but most often reeks of personal gain. Outside the church walls, power abuse is a daily headline, from politicians to corrupt CEOs, from sports organizations to non-profit fundraising groups, where ever there is power and authority, there is the possibility that abuse is happening.

Lust: Here’s a crime that likes to sneak under the radar. Unlike the other three listed above, lust hides primarily in your thought life. Lust can camouflage itself in any environment, and can slowly release its venom for years. Decades. Sometimes called “Window shopping” or excused for “I look but I don’t touch,” lust corrupts the beauty of sex and turns it into a self-focused, self-pleasing experience. Lust turns other humans into objects, and fuels an industry for trafficked people around the world. Lust is not a victimless crime, yet we’re sold its virtues everyday online, on billboards and newspaper ads and television commercials.

I could go on, but I suspect that if you’re anything like me, I’ve already struck at something connected to you.

I don’t know the extent of Josh Duggar’s crimes, and neither do most of you. Right now, after reading hours of online stories and documents, the details of his offense are protected. His victims are, at this point, silent, and to the best of my knowledge, the legal, civil and spiritual consequences have been met. His crime is inexcusable, and his victims will live with his actions for the rest of their lives (as a pastor for almost 20 years, I’ve seen the devastating impact of this kind of personal violation), and he will bear the guilt, shame and, now, public disgrace as a result. What else should happen to him? I’m not sure I can answer that objectively.

Yet I wonder what would happen to you or me if our crimes were brought to light? What if your texts were broadcast to everyone, your browser history exposed on Facebook or your private conversations made public? What if your secret thoughts were televised nationally or your past indiscretions exposed on the evening news? What would we think about you? What would you think about me?

As I’ve read about the Duggar case I have come to at least three conclusions:

1. All of us are guilty, it’s just that not all of us are exposed for our guilt. Romans 3:23 makes it plain that everyone commits crimes (legal or otherwise, the Bible calls these crimes, “sin”), and every crime is worthy of punishment. Josh’s “forced molestation” is heinous, just as your gossip, my lying, your power abuse and my lust are the vilest of offenses. Don’t down play your crimes because they are unknown or socially acceptable, own the fact that you are guilty, too.
2. Admitting guilt is the hardest step, but it puts us on the best path. When news broke of Joshua Duggar’s crime, I admired this about his response: He owned it out of the gate (as far as I can tell), and accepted responsibility without a “but” (“I did it...but it wasn’t my fault...”). When’s the last time you looked at your list of crimes and owned them? When’s the last time you confessed them, even publicly (when appropriate), and began the process of restoration (when appropriate)? (Quick soap box: Restoration does not mean that a human relationship can be restored to its prior place. Restoration means that sin has been acknowledged, forgiveness has been granted, and offender and victim are restored to their right place with God. Consequences may continue, and the relationship may be forever changed, but restoration can still be a reality.) [end of soap box] You and I are only as sick as the secrets we keep, so admit your own crimes and begin the process toward health!
3. God’s justice and mercy are compatible, and His grace surrounds both. It seems that many responses to this Duggar scandal have been either justice (“I hope he rots in prison!”) or mercy (“He did the right thing, we should all forgive him!”). The truth is, God is the ultimate example of both, and neither His mercy or justice trumps the other, and both are filtered through His grace. God perfectly gives us what we deserve (justice), yet because of His mercy (not giving us what we do deserve) we’re not all dead. Holy justice means God can’t look away from our sin, it must be punished, and that punishment is death here, and eternal separation in the next life. In the same vein however, God withholds the full brunt of His judgement (mercy), giving us what we need (grace) in order to be changed into the likeness of His Son. When I cry out for God’s full justice to be unloaded on anyone (the sex abuser, the gossip, the power abuser, the liar or the pervert), I should ask God to do the same to me; and falling headlong into the full wrath of God’s full justice is a horrible place to be.

At the end of the day I realize I want mercy and grace in my life. I mess up and I know I deserve God’s unshielded, unbiased judgement, and I sit here today thankful that He provides mercy and grace. No matter what I feel about Joshua Duggar’s crimes, I want the same for Him, too. Because if there’s no mercy for Josh, there’s no mercy for me. That doesn’t excuse his sin, and it doesn’t require the removal of legal, social or public punishment that may come with it, any more than it excuses my sin or removes the punishment due me. His story just brings to light that all of us are guilty, all of us are in God’s justice system, and all of us are doomed without God’s grace and mercy.

I hope the reports I’ve read about Joshua Duggar’s confession and restoration are correct. I hope his victims have found help and healing through counselors who point them to Christ, and true hope through God who loves and restores the brokenhearted. I pray that you, too, will find healing for the crimes that have been forged against you, and that you and I will be reminded of the crimes we’ve committed against others, and do our part to undo the harm we’ve perpetrated.

May we all live aware of God's justice, be thankful for His mercy and be distributors of His grace.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

Choosing the right path

It’s hard to believe that four weeks have passed since I was released from my job at Lake Ann Camp. It feels like months and months have passed, yet the reality of an uncertain future continues to loom right in front of us, and the emotional cycle of loss continues to play out throughout each member of our family. Last night, my son AJ was really wrestling with justice and fairness, and the distortion of both in this life. Hard questions for a 13-year-old to process. Hard questions for a 13-year-old’s parents to process. Part of the challenge we’re working thru is unpacking the heartache, while living under a pressing deadline to find a new home, a new job and a place where we can heal. Emotionally we’re pretty drained, yet we have to press thru this season in order to finish the immediate tasks in front of us (work...home...job...). In one sense, there is no rest when we need rest the most. Have you ever felt like that?

On top of that, we’re trying desperately to find the path that God would have for us next. Neither Traci or I want to simply take a job because it has been offered, or to interview for some ministry just to make sure we have something ready to go. That’s the safe option, but we’re both very eager to be on the best path for our lives, for our family and for our future (short term AND long term).

But finding the right path can often be a challenge.

I don’t believe the idea that there is just one right path for everyone to take, and if you mess it up, you throw off the whole cosmos. Sometimes I’ll hear high school or young college students talking about finding the right spouse, as if there is only one correct choice. Think about that for a second. If there is only one right choice and you marry the “wrong” the person, you pretty much screwed up marriage for everyone. After all, if you married the wrong person, then your spouse married the wrong person, which means the person they were supposed to marry, will now marry the wrong person, and the person you were supposed to marry, will marry the wrong person, which mostly likely mean the wrong kids will be born and will marry other wrong kids and just a few generations later, no one can marry the right person. Nice work.

The same is true for most of our choices: there isn’t just one right answer, but God gives us opportunities and freedom to make choices. Some options are certainly better than others, and God promises to help us find those options. Choosing a “less-good” option isn’t a sin, and certainly doesn’t mean that God has abandoned us, or is somehow punishing us. Lets face it, all of us have made poor choices in our lives that we’d love to take back or have another chancer to do over.

Let me be clear that I’m not talking about freedom to sin. Of course we have freedom to sin, but sinful choices are always wrong choices. If I suddenly decide to follow the path of a contract killer, you have my permission to call me out (though I’d be careful with that according to my vocation...) and tell me it’s a wrong choice. If Traci and I decide divorce because the strain of this season has become too difficult, you have my permission to call me out. If I choose to make friends at the local bar and become a drunk in order to deal with the embarrassment of being fired, you have my permission to slap me silly. Those are all wrong choices (that are also very bad options for my life!).

No, I’m talking about the choices that pertain to a particular path, where the road forks left and right, and you have to pick a direction. Traci and I are at a major fork in the road, and there are, literally, dozens of options. I honestly believe that any one of them is available for us to pursue and see where it leads, but we desire to pick the path that will play to our strengths, the path that will ultimately take our experiences and use them for the greatest good. Have you ever been there? Have you ever asked yourself, which path is right?

The answer, in one very non-comforting sense, is that they are all right. Truly, God gives us options all the time, every day, and you and I have freedom to take either the left or right fork. My pastor was preaching on Micah 6:8 yesterday, and said it this way: If your choices fit the criteria of Micah 6:8, then you have freedom to make any of those choices. Micah 6:8 is the holy triad of God’s expectations for His children:

“But He’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,

what God is looking for in men and women.

It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,

be compassionate and loyal in your love,

and don’t take yourself too seriously -- take God seriously.” (The Message)

Do justice. Act mercifully. Follow God. If the paths before you allow you to do those three things, then I believe you can follow any of those paths! In one very real sense, that brings such a relief and freedom to our choices and our futures.

Fine-tuning that search, though, requires a deepening faith in God. Rather than throwing a dart at the target to see which right option it hits, we want to pick the best option for who we are, and for who God ultimately wants us to be. After four weeks of evaluating my time here, I’m fully convinced it was a right choice to come here, AND that it was the best choice God had given us. The outcome wasn’t what Traci and I had imagined, but we still believe it was the best choice at the time we made it. That’s a hard pill to swallow: That God actually wanted us to experience this part of the journey, in order to prepare us best for the next part. But it’s a good pill to swallow!

That’s why Psalm 143:8 continues to be such an encouragement to us: “...make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” God will help us find, not just a right path, but the very best path for our lives. Notice I didn’t say “easiest” path or “funnest” path, instead, Traci and I are eager to find the path that will most stretch our faith in making us more and more the people God wants us to be.

And so we are glad to be where we are, even in the tears, frustration, anger, sadness and doubt. Wrestling with the past, while trying to tackle the current array of options, is precisely where we are supposed to be. Trusting the hand of God as He leads us forward is so much better than trying to figure out all the answers to the past, and in doing so, we’re finding ourselves in the sweet spot of our Savior’s leading.

“Walking on water”, in faith, isn’t easy, or all 12 disciples would have gotten out of the boat in Matthew 14. But trust me, you’ll never be the same once you do. By God’s grace, we’ll stay out of the boat and on the waves with Jesus and when we do, we’ll be on -- not just the right path, but -- the very best path for our lives!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Ferguson on my mind.

A week has passed since the Grand Jury reached its decision in the city of Ferguson, and things haven’t quieted down much. While Ferguson was ablaze in anger, shock and outrage, other cities have had little riots and protest marches as people everywhere responded to the outcry for justice that many perceive has not occurred. Then another group of people are appalled by the behavior of those who are rioting, flipping cars over and smashing windows of local businesses. Some even feel like the justice system worked, and that regardless, civil chaos isn’t a proper response.

I’ve seen whites and blacks, men and women, on both sides of the debate. I’ve read tweets from a black rapper who said she might start killing “crackers in their sleep” (she tweeted later that it was a joke) and that she “hates straight white men” in response to the judicial system’s lack of justice. I’ve read post from a white guy who said, “I hope every rioter gets their head bashed in with a club...”, and a white woman who said, “...Officer Wilson did his job that August day...” I also saw this from a white man who wrote, “Cops have come a long way since Rodney King...it’s getting worse!” and a black man who wrote, “...the black people of Ferguson are a disgrace to other blacks. They asked for justice and the courts ruled...” I too have felt a lot of emotion about these events.

Black or white, male or female, the issues in Ferguson have hit a nerve.

People are sighting interviews with family members and police officers to “prove” their point. Videos of police violence and honorable police conduct have been filling up my social media feeds (even squeezing out the dog jumping on a trampoline video!) and heartache, anger, revenge and compassion are spilling over from everywhere. Friends are being dropped because of different view points, new friendships are being formed over agreeing opinions and comments are flying back and forth between total strangers.

No matter what side of the ruling you are on, Ferguson has captured our attention. It has certainly captured mine.

As I’ve reflected on what’s happened since the Grand Jury verdict was read, I’ve come up with three thoughts that seem to withstand the barrage of conflicting emotions and counter opinions flying around them. Here they are, and I would love to know what you think.

First, to me, the biggest travesty here isn’t the sense of injustice some feel, or the fear of law enforcement that many are talking about, it’s the tragic loss of life for an 18-year-old boy, and the pain and suffering that tears through a family, a school and a community when a young person’s life is ended. As a youth pastor for almost 17 years, and having worked with students for over 20 years, I can assure you that every time a young person is killed or tragically ends their own life, the heartache is deep.

Parents and family achingly ask “why?” as no parent ever wants to bury their child -- it’s not how it’s supposed to be. Having walked with several families through the loss of a child, I’ve seen the heartache and pain up-close and personal. In fact, I’m not sure there is a greater type of personal suffering than that experienced with the loss of a child. A child whose future is wide open before him. A child who was anticipating the next stage of her life. A child who had dreams and plans, who touched the lives of others, who had a special place in mom’s memory and who was celebrated joyously the day they entered this world.

And as the family suffers, so do the peers of the Michael brown. I’m certain many of his classmates, fellow employees and friends faced their own sense of mortality after hearing of his death. Having a friend in school or work one day, only to have him gone the next, leaves a gaping hole in a peer’s life, one that doesn’t just fill up overnight. Some respond in anger, some with a healthy dose of tears, others with silent, painful, contemplation and still others turn to substances for rescue. No matter the cause, the loss of life is painful.

Whatever you may think, feel, believe or know about the events of Ferguson, don’t forget that an 18-year-old child lost his life. Death hurts us all.

Second, the troubles in the Ferguson shooting didn’t begin on August 9th, 2014. While  some of the facts of this case may never be fully revealed (was Michael attacking Officer Wilson? Did Officer Wilson fire in self-defense or did he take aim at a man surrendering to his authority? Was this racially motivated? Was it excessive force or well within the guidelines of an officers parameters while in the line of duty?) one fact is evident: the events that ended with Michael’s death on August 9th, certainly didn’t start on Aug 9th.

Tragically, the shooting of August 9th began with a robbery involving Michael. According to a store’s video recording, Michael and a friend attacked a convenience store clerk and stole a box of cigars. But that wasn’t the start of the story either. It goes back further, because at some point in time Michael believed he had the right to take what wasn’t his. At some point in time he was taught a value that if you want it, take it. If someone else has it, over power them. Maybe it was a friend at school. Maybe it was a parent or family member. But somewhere along the line it became ok to steal.

It may well be that officer Wilson’s actions were out of line with standard conduct of a police officer. Maybe his shots were fired in response to racial profiling or in gross prejudice toward the conduct of people of color. I don’t know officer Wilson, and I can’t wade through enough of the details to determine what’s true or not. However, racism is a sickening reality in our world (all over our world!) and if it was in play in Ferguson, it came into play long before August 9th!

The story begins -- not with theft or racism -- when we face the reality of our sin, the reality of our own personal corruption, and choose to do nothing about it. You see, when we break God’s laws and standards, we come face to face with the fact that our lives are thoroughly influenced by sin’s power. We were born with sin woven into our spiritual DNA, and nothing in us naturally longs to do what’s right. At some point in our lives, we become consciously aware of sin’s influence, and when we reject God’s plan of salvation over and over and over again, we reject the one power that can give us freedom from sin’s control.

Theft and racism and rioting have the same root, it’s called sin, and it’s ugly in all of its forms.

Third, the madness that unfolded in the aftermath of the Grand Jury’s decision should make us all look inward at our own lives. While you may point a finger at Officer Wilson or Michael Brown, or whether you blame a community or a police force, whatever side of the issue you fall on, we have the same personal responsibility: how will we keep ourselves from our own Ferguson?

What sin in your life could lead to an explosive response like the one in Ferguson? Are you angry, ready to lash out at the next person who cuts you off in traffic or hangs up on you at work? Are you hiding secrets of lust from your spouse allowing guilty pleasures to create a wedge in your marriage? Are you taking out your work frustrations on your children, spouse or ex-spouse? Do you hope for bad things to happen to other people, are you plotting revenge on someone who has wronged you or are you harboring a bitter, unforgiving spirit to your parents, husband or boss? Do you have a penchant for lying? Is it easy for you to justify stealing something from someone you believe “doesn’t deserve it?” Do you gossip and speak ill of others, and then flip-flop when you’re with a different set of friends?

If you and I will turn to the One who can help us with our own sin, we can avoid another Ferguson by never walking down that road ourselves! If we will deal with our own junk, then our own junk can’t be at the heart of tragedy like the one in Ferguson. Imagine if Michael Brown had put theft away from his life long before August 9th! He never would have assaulted a clerk and stolen cigars, Officer Wilson never would have been called and this last Thanksgiving in the Brown house would not have included an empty seat at the table. If Officer Wilson is guilty of gross misconduct or racism, imagine how different August 9th would have been had those things been dealt with years before he ever put on the uniform. Imagine how different the long-term outcome might have been for Michael had he been given an opportunity to change his life path. How different would the Thanksgiving table had been at the Wilson’s house if the death of an 18-year-old boy wasn’t the main topic on everyone’s mind?

I ache for the loss Michael’s family is still feeling. Ferguson lost one of her sons and the community heartache is real. Thankfully, thousands of protesters have raised their voices in peaceful ways as law-abiding citizens of every ethnicity. May their voices be heard over the noise of broken glass, angry shouts and burning cars. But I also ache for what officer Wilson’s family is experiencing. Having known several police officers as friends, I can’t imagine what it’s like to take a person’s life in the line of duty. If it was racially motivated, I can’t fathom the hatred that is destroying him. If it was in accordance with proper conduct as ruled by the Grand Jury, I can’t imagine the pain in his conscience, the constant “what ifs” he is playing out and the reality that  his actions have stirred a community in so many ways. Neither family “won” in this tragedy.

Most of all, I pray that the Browns and the Wilsons will experience genuine healing. Nothing will ever replace the loss they’ve experienced, but healing can soften pain’s edge. I pray that the the community of Ferguson will find common ground in hope, not anger, in resolutions and not rioting. I pray that a nation will solve this, not strictly at a legal level, but at a personal individual level. And for each of those to happen, I pray that God changes hearts as only God can, beginning with mine.

And I really believe God can bring peace to all of this. God is a God who loves to step into the brokenness, heartache and suffering that we’ve created, and perform life-changing, peace-giving miracles. God loves to reconcile the defendant and plaintiff and to build a bridge of peace between the victim and perpetrator. As much as God’s heart is broken by everything that has happened in Ferguson, His power to bring change and healing is even greater. I believe the love, peace, mercy and grace of God could show up mightily in Ferguson, and that the Browns and Wilsons can both be freed from the losses they’ve each experienced.

In fact, imagine if next November, the Browns and Wilsons shared the Thanksgiving meal together! Imagine if the emptiness at the table this year, was replaced by powerful new relationships forged in the Gospel of reconciliation. Imagine if hate could be replaced by compassion, if loss could be replaced by hope and if inner turmoil could be replaced by peace. Sound impossible? It is...unless the people of Ferguson find the power of the Gospel in all of this. Ultimately, my prayer is for God’s power to show up in life-changing ways that brings people together.

And if I believe God can bring peace to the Wilson’s and Browns, am I accepting His peace in my life? Am I embracing hope for my losses? Am I allowing peace to calm my turmoil? Am I expressing compassion where hatred reigns? We all have a little Ferguson in our hearts, and we all need the Gospel of reconciliation to start it’s work in us, first.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

Two 12-year-old [almost] murderers

Sometimes the news is so disturbing. This week has been one of those weeks.  

Last night I came across the story of 2, 12-year-old Wisconsin girls who plotted the murder of one of their friends. These girls had, for some time, been working up the courage to kill another girl by stabbing her to death in order to, according to several media reports, fulfill some self-created connection to the fictional horror character Slenderman.

Everyone is shocked by the vicious attack that took place. It is sick enough that it involves two 12-year-old girls, but multiplied by the malicious intent, the months of planning, the sickening debate that occurred over how/when/who to attack along with the unfathomable connection to a fictional online character. (The girls believed that after killing their victim, they would live with this character in his castle in the woods.)

Miraculously, despite 17-19 stab wounds, the victim was able to crawl to a public place where a passing cyclist saw her, called police and the child did not pass away. She is in stable condition, physically, but I’m guessing the horrors of what just happened will terrorize her dreams for many nights to come. As a parent of an 11-year-old, I cannot imagine the heartache, pain, suffering, fear, anger, hurt, and loss of innocence that everyone is feeling right now. My heart is truly broken.

Over the past 15 years, since the first egregious act of violence that has defined my years of youth ministry (the Columbine high school massacre), the culture of violence has left us wondering what has gone wrong with our students. Why do 16-year-old boys plot the demise of their entire school? Why do 14-year-old girls bully a fellow cheerleader until violence erupts and families are destroyed by murder? Why do 17-year-old boys go on murder sprees? Why do 12-year-old girls plot the death of a friend?

I’ve worked with students for over 20 years now and I’ve tried to stay pretty current with youth culture. I’ve spent a lot of time staying in tune with the cultural norms of our youth and paid attention to trends and cultural shifts; I’ve seen waves of change happen during that time. No, I don’t think that there was some magical golden era of teenagers where everything was better, where teens were magically more obedient, kinder with their words and more loving of their siblings.

Yes, I do believe that in the past, there were social norms around interactions, respect and family dynamics that were different, but that doesn’t mean the heart of the child was any different. Just because someone says, “Yes ‘ma’am” or “Yes sir” when you give instructions, doesn’t mean the heart of the person shows the same respect. Haven’t we all been guilty of playing nice on the outside, while standing up in rebellion on the inside?

Tweet: That is inherently the biggest problem: Outward obedience does not equal inward change.

If you have ever followed some of the stories around high school shootings, cyber bullying, gang violence or any of the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching ways in which students act out in vicious attacks on others, you’ve seen some similar patterns. Once in a while you will find the kid who committed the crime was the kid that everyone suspected; the child that somehow showed psychotic behavior for many years.

That is not, however, the norm. Over and over in the papers, in the online blogs and forums, you find this statement: “They seemed so normal...” The story involving these two young girls was replete with testimonies of how these two perpetrators seemed so nice, so regular. I’m sure in weeks to come, as the investigation grows, some things will emerge that reveal a darker side, but like so many of these tragic events, there is a outward normalcy to the murderers.

Sure, some may be the loner types, introverts to the extreme, but many are not. Many are outgoing and friendly, good students who get good grades, and even show some leadership aptitude. And that’s what scares us as parents; that’s what makes these stories hit so close to home. It could have been our kids that were the victims. Right now, our own children could have friends that look so good on the outside, but are full of evil intentions on the inside.

For years, now, I’ve urged parents to remember this one truth: having “good kids” isn’t the goal of parenting. If we believe that raising good boys and girls, who do well in school, are respectful of others and generally don’t get into too much trouble and are positive contributors in society, that we have succeeded as parents, we’ve missed the mark! Great parenting involves helping our children be changed from the inside-out, so that their good behavior is a reflection of a changed heart; not just compliance to social norms, parenting pressure or as a response to a generally good disposition.

Deuteronomy 6:1-9 shows us the pathway to this change when Moses tells parents: “...These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...” (6:6-7). You see? God’s Word is to be the chief influencer on our hearts, so that the good behavior that follows submission to God and His Word is rooted in heart-change!

I slept horribly last night, thinking about the families of this incident in Wisconsin. I prayed for the young lady’s recovery, I prayed for the family’s future and I prayed for the friends and students at the girls’ school, as they all learn to process the events that just transpired. But most of all, I prayed that the need for radical heart-change would be experienced by many. I prayed that we as a culture wouldn’t just push for social reform, weapon-control or sensitivity training. I prayed the impossible dream: That somehow we would turn back to the source of heart-change and find true healing for today, and true hope for the future, in the power of God’s Word.

I am as passionate about helping students today as I was when I first began working with them 20 years ago (that’s been over half of my life!). One of the reasons I love working with teens is that they are willing to embrace something new, they’re open to radical changes and their hearts can be set aflame for God and His Word. I see it here at the camp every week of the summer as hundreds of campers in 4th-12th grade make life-changing decisions that set a different course for their lives.

Today, I am praying that the next tragic child headliner is going to be changed because a heart will be altered. I am praying that someone living the Overboard Life will show love to a child who has never experienced unconditional care, and a heart bent on evil will be eternally changed by the grace and glory of the Gospel. I am praying that we will -- not go back to some other era of perceived civility -- move forward into an era of radical life change brought on by a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I’m taking the plunge today, because the world will be better when we boldly live Overboard. Will you join me?

New cars, mayhem and sex: lessons from Superbowl commercials

Yesterday’s Superbowl was a fun game to watch as a football fan. It had a lot of sports drama, some great action on the field, the officials called a consistent game and the winner was unknown until the clock hit 00:00.

As usual, I also found myself enjoying most of the commercials. In fact, this morning I though I’d offer up a few reflections about Overboard living from the Superbowl, based on what I saw during the commercial breaks.

1.  We love our stuff. Why are companies willing to pay $4,000,000 for a :30 second TV spot? Because they know we love our stuff. Cowboys, bikers and showgirls all racing to a Coke mirage is worth $16,000,000 in advertising because Coke knows we love our drinks! Cute babies in space, families having an awesome play date and a boy stealing a kiss at the prom is worth $12,000,000 because Kia, Audi and Hyundai know we love our stuff! (It worked on me. My wife and I will need a new vehicle in the next year or two and now we’re seriously looking at the new 7 passenger Santa Fe!)

The thing is, stuff is fine, but if we want to live the Overboard Life, we must be willing to live with stuff in its proper place in our lives. It’s so easy to let stuff take over, for stuff to become what matters most and to lose sight of the remarkable life God has for us. As we are packing for our move to Michigan, we are realizing just how much stuff we have and just how much we love our stuff. Selling, donating and throwing stuff away has already proved to be invaluable for our family, and we have a long way to go. But it’s good to have a season of making stuff less important, so that what is important can center stage.

2.  Someone at Allstate Insurance is a theologian! Did you see the Mayhem commercial? Wow! The Mayhem character has been interesting over the past couple of years, but during the Superbowl, Allstate gave us a theological lesson in Mayhem’s origin. Starting in the Garden of Eden, Allstate showed us that Mayhem’s origin (Adam and Eve’s original sin) has reeked havoc throughout history. Wars, natural disasters and political conflicts (including a humorous bit about a gift horse!) all the way down to car accidents, home disasters and replacement refs (ha ha) is a result of sin. (Or in this case, Mayhem).

[youtube=http://youtu.be/zjh2izUb0L8]

They nailed it. The consequences of sin are felt every day in this world. When we live Overboard, we are choosing to live remarkably, by God’s power, overcoming sin’s power. We don’t have it in us alone to live apart from our own flesh’s desire to sin, but with God’s help we can be victorious over sin and Mayhem!

3.  Sex still sells products. There were a couple of commercials that continue to prove that sex is still a great weapon in the arsenal of advertisers. It’s a sad reflection on our culture, though. Consider this: the Superbowl has become the largest sex trafficking event in the U.S. I read one story about a woman who was kidnapped (here in the U.S.!) and forced into the sex trade. She said on Superbowl weekend she would be asked to sleep with 20-25 men a night or face severe torture from her pimp. Often she was beaten, usually she was raped repeatedly for her “failure” to deliver. She said the worst punishment was having to watch the other women be tortured when they failed.

Sex is a beautiful gift from God, a true treasure given to mankind, that when used for the wrong purposes, has a powerful corrupting element to it. When you live the Overboard Life, you must choose virtuous living that opposes immorality and advocates for those who are oppressed by it. We cannot live Overboard and ignore the plight of those in need of justice and mercy. And of course, the greatest mercy we offer is sharing the love of Jesus Christ who shed His blood for our sins, that we might get to live eternally with Him in a perfect and Just future home.

I’m getting rid of more stuff. I’m trying hard to trust God for victory over sin. And I want to be used by God to bring justice where there is none, and to share the light of Jesus in the deepest places of darkness. I know I have a lot of growing to do, but I'm in process. What about you?

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is better on the water!