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Filtering by Tag: choices
My son AJ and I were talking about the million dollar give-a-way at McDonalds and he was a little incensed that McD's would give away one million dollars without paying the taxes for the winner. After all, a multi-billion dollar organization could probably afford to pay the taxes, too, right? His perspective made me look inward about how I view gifts given to me. Would you scoff at a million dollars?
Read MoreIt’s hard to believe that four weeks have passed since I was released from my job at Lake Ann Camp. It feels like months and months have passed, yet the reality of an uncertain future continues to loom right in front of us, and the emotional cycle of loss continues to play out throughout each member of our family. Last night, my son AJ was really wrestling with justice and fairness, and the distortion of both in this life. Hard questions for a 13-year-old to process. Hard questions for a 13-year-old’s parents to process. Part of the challenge we’re working thru is unpacking the heartache, while living under a pressing deadline to find a new home, a new job and a place where we can heal. Emotionally we’re pretty drained, yet we have to press thru this season in order to finish the immediate tasks in front of us (work...home...job...). In one sense, there is no rest when we need rest the most. Have you ever felt like that?
On top of that, we’re trying desperately to find the path that God would have for us next. Neither Traci or I want to simply take a job because it has been offered, or to interview for some ministry just to make sure we have something ready to go. That’s the safe option, but we’re both very eager to be on the best path for our lives, for our family and for our future (short term AND long term).
But finding the right path can often be a challenge.
I don’t believe the idea that there is just one right path for everyone to take, and if you mess it up, you throw off the whole cosmos. Sometimes I’ll hear high school or young college students talking about finding the right spouse, as if there is only one correct choice. Think about that for a second. If there is only one right choice and you marry the “wrong” the person, you pretty much screwed up marriage for everyone. After all, if you married the wrong person, then your spouse married the wrong person, which means the person they were supposed to marry, will now marry the wrong person, and the person you were supposed to marry, will marry the wrong person, which mostly likely mean the wrong kids will be born and will marry other wrong kids and just a few generations later, no one can marry the right person. Nice work.
The same is true for most of our choices: there isn’t just one right answer, but God gives us opportunities and freedom to make choices. Some options are certainly better than others, and God promises to help us find those options. Choosing a “less-good” option isn’t a sin, and certainly doesn’t mean that God has abandoned us, or is somehow punishing us. Lets face it, all of us have made poor choices in our lives that we’d love to take back or have another chancer to do over.
Let me be clear that I’m not talking about freedom to sin. Of course we have freedom to sin, but sinful choices are always wrong choices. If I suddenly decide to follow the path of a contract killer, you have my permission to call me out (though I’d be careful with that according to my vocation...) and tell me it’s a wrong choice. If Traci and I decide divorce because the strain of this season has become too difficult, you have my permission to call me out. If I choose to make friends at the local bar and become a drunk in order to deal with the embarrassment of being fired, you have my permission to slap me silly. Those are all wrong choices (that are also very bad options for my life!).
No, I’m talking about the choices that pertain to a particular path, where the road forks left and right, and you have to pick a direction. Traci and I are at a major fork in the road, and there are, literally, dozens of options. I honestly believe that any one of them is available for us to pursue and see where it leads, but we desire to pick the path that will play to our strengths, the path that will ultimately take our experiences and use them for the greatest good. Have you ever been there? Have you ever asked yourself, which path is right?
The answer, in one very non-comforting sense, is that they are all right. Truly, God gives us options all the time, every day, and you and I have freedom to take either the left or right fork. My pastor was preaching on Micah 6:8 yesterday, and said it this way: If your choices fit the criteria of Micah 6:8, then you have freedom to make any of those choices. Micah 6:8 is the holy triad of God’s expectations for His children:
“But He’s already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
and don’t take yourself too seriously -- take God seriously.” (The Message)
Do justice. Act mercifully. Follow God. If the paths before you allow you to do those three things, then I believe you can follow any of those paths! In one very real sense, that brings such a relief and freedom to our choices and our futures.
Fine-tuning that search, though, requires a deepening faith in God. Rather than throwing a dart at the target to see which right option it hits, we want to pick the best option for who we are, and for who God ultimately wants us to be. After four weeks of evaluating my time here, I’m fully convinced it was a right choice to come here, AND that it was the best choice God had given us. The outcome wasn’t what Traci and I had imagined, but we still believe it was the best choice at the time we made it. That’s a hard pill to swallow: That God actually wanted us to experience this part of the journey, in order to prepare us best for the next part. But it’s a good pill to swallow!
That’s why Psalm 143:8 continues to be such an encouragement to us: “...make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” God will help us find, not just a right path, but the very best path for our lives. Notice I didn’t say “easiest” path or “funnest” path, instead, Traci and I are eager to find the path that will most stretch our faith in making us more and more the people God wants us to be.
And so we are glad to be where we are, even in the tears, frustration, anger, sadness and doubt. Wrestling with the past, while trying to tackle the current array of options, is precisely where we are supposed to be. Trusting the hand of God as He leads us forward is so much better than trying to figure out all the answers to the past, and in doing so, we’re finding ourselves in the sweet spot of our Savior’s leading.
“Walking on water”, in faith, isn’t easy, or all 12 disciples would have gotten out of the boat in Matthew 14. But trust me, you’ll never be the same once you do. By God’s grace, we’ll stay out of the boat and on the waves with Jesus and when we do, we’ll be on -- not just the right path, but -- the very best path for our lives!
Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!
Ultimately, every change you want tot make in your life, no matter how “big” or “small,” boils down to every individual choice you make. My wife loves this saying: “How you do anything, is how you do every thing.” In other words, the way you approach the little things in life is how you will approach the big things in life. And this is never more true than when it comes to how we create change.
In 2014 I’m eager to shed a few pounds and get back in shape. My new job is pretty stationary and I’ve reclaimed some bad habits around eating too much, working out too little, and generally not taking very good care of myself. The result has been some weight gain, a loss of energy and even my sleep has been affected. For all the great events and changes of 2013, my overall health has taken a hit.
I’d love to drop 15-20 pounds tomorrow, but barring a horrific accident involving my rear-end falling off, I’m not losing that weight in a day. That shouldn’t be too surprising, since it took a lot longer than a day to put the weight on. The weight came on little by little, choice by choice. My overall health experienced decline over the last 12 months because of hundreds choices that I’ve made along the way. Choices to sit instead of get up and exercise. Choices to go back for seconds…then thirds. While none of those choices were individually responsible for a turn in my health, all of them collectively contributed to the problem.
In the same way, all of the choices I make in 2014 can contribute to changes that will improve my health. In one sense, each individual choice won’t make the difference; I won’t lose 20 pounds, reclaim my energy and sleep better with one good choice. However, in another very real sense, each individual choice will make all the difference -- If I put a bunch of good individual choices together, the results I’m after can be a reality.
So I need to start seeing every choice as a crucial cog in the mechanism to reach my goals. I can sit here and wish all day for good health to come back to me, but if I don’t make the little choices to bring about some change, all my wishes and good intentions will result in 2014 looking a lot like 2013.
What about you and your goals? What little choices do you need to start making to see your dreams and goals for 2014 take shape? If you know what changes you want to see in your life, what daily decisions do you need to make to see them become a reality? Take some time to review your goals and dreams and then next to each one think through the choices you will want to make in order to see those dreams take shape. Next to those choices, list the actions that those choices will require.
Here’s an example based on my health goals for 2014:
Now it’s your turn. Lay out your goals (ie. “Improve my health”). List some choices for each goal (ie. “Return to the habit of taking great supplements twice a day”). Then write down the action steps you need to take to make those choices, and ultimately your goals, a reality.
The Overboard Life is based on the reality that by the grace of God, you and I have the capacity to make big changes in our lives. Left to ourselves, we’re in trouble, limited to our own strength, ideas and knowledge of the future. But in God’s hands we have His limitless resources and can find ourselves secure in Him, knowing He knows the future. That freedom makes it possible for us to be changed into who He wants us to be, so we can do what He wants us to do. Change is possible because God makes it possible! Goals and dreams can become reality, because God has given us the freedom (in Him) to make them a reality!
So what are you after in 2014? Ready to start working on becoming the parent God wants you to be? Ready, with God’s help, to make your marriage work? Ready to start obeying God’s Word to “honor your father and mother” in 2014? Do you have health goals? Business goals?
Go ahead and take the plunge -- life is always better on the water!
This is part 3 of a 4-part blog about the New Year. My wife and I are tag-teaming to create these special blogs, so be sure to read part 4, tomorrow, at www.tracicast.wordpress.com. If you missed parts 1 and/or 2, just click here to read them: Part 1 // Part 2
What do you know about Alfred Nobel? During the mid-1800s Alfred Nobel was a boomologist*. He is widely believed to have been the man responsible for creating TNT and he invented technologies with significant military application. He was a wealthy, scientific man with a good reputation and an engaging career. And above all, he was a man of peace. In fact, Alfred's core belief about dynamite was that it would “create peace faster than [our] congress.” He believed that if both armies could annihilate each other instantly (through the use of massive explosives), armies and militaries would become obsolete.
One morning he read something that few people ever have the opportunity to read: he read his own obituary. You see, his brother had passed away, but French news outlets (apparently news outlets struggled for reliability even in the late 1800’s!) reported that it was Alfred that had passed away. The obituary was fairly customary but it described Alfred with these words: “[he was the] Merchant of Death.”
Those words haunted him. Would that really be his legacy? Would all of his research and development end with his life being known for the number of lives he had been responsible for taking?
Determined to created a different story, Alfred became an even greater peace activist. He dedicated his resources (time and money) to peacetime activities and his voice carried some weight. You may not know much about Alfred Nobel and his work from the 1800s, but I’m sure you’ve heard about him. After all, the Nobel Peace prize was named after him.
If you woke up tomorrow and read your obituary, what would you be remembered for?
Would your kids call you a “Loving Father?” Would your husband say you were a “Gracious Wife?” Would you be remembered as a “Gospel-centric Preacher?” Would your neighbors refer to you as a “Loving and Caring Soul?” Would your co-workers think of you as a “Hard-working, but Gentle Person?” Would your parents fondly recall you as an “Obedient and Godly Daughter?” Would your friends reflect on you as a, “Generous and Compassionate Individual?”
How would people describe your life? What would your obituary say about you?
As you enter 2014, I challenge you to think about the future, and to think about what your life will be marked by. It doesn’t matter what 2013 says about you, or what your life to this point has amounted to. What matters is the choices you will make now, in 2014. You can amend for past choices, and you can correct mistakes; you can keep the momentum you’ve already generated or you can wallow in self-pity and victimhood. 2014 is another year that God has graciously granted you, and it’s another year for you to start with a mindset to choose something new, better and different.
What will you be remembered for? Let 2014 be a year that represents the future you want to create with God’s help.
Go ahead and take the plunge…2014 will be better out on the water!
This is part 1 of a 4-part blog about the New Year. My wife and I are tag-teaming to create these special blogs, so be sure to read part 2, tomorrow, at www.tracicast.wordpress.com. Part 3 will be back here on Thursday, and part 4 will be on her site on Friday.
*"Boom-ahhhh-L-ohhhhh-jist": Often used to describe those who excel in the use and creation of "things that go boom". The term boomologist has its roots in the sound heard after the lighting of said creations. Following the "Boom" there is an "ahhhhhh" (sometimes interpreted as "alllll" by those with less than 20/20 hearing) from the onlookers, immediately followed by an "ohhhhhhh" if said boom also distributes explosive and colorful sparkles or flames. However, the term "Boom-all-oh" was used derogatorily in the early-mid 2013s, so in 2014 the added "gist" at the end of the word created technical-sounding expertise, giving honor to those who have become proficient in such matters.
As most of you know, I enjoy sports. I enjoy playing sports of all kinds, I enjoying inventing sports (made up a few competitive games in my day) and I enjoy watching sports. If the competition is good, I’ll watch just about anything. I remember the night I realized how sick I was when I was watching a highly competitive dart throwing match on ESPN 2...at 3am after getting up with one of the kids.
A few weekends back the Players Championship was held by the PGA. Tiger Woods won the match on the fourth day of the tournament, following a verbal sparring match he had with fellow golfer, Sergio Garcia. A day before Tiger’s win, Sergio had questioned some of Tiger’s field etiquette, and Tiger basically called Sergio a whiner. Probably both guys were right!
But what interested me most was Sergio’s interview after the event. And in particular, this one line when Garcia was asked if there was anything he would change about his banter with Tiger:
“It sounds like I was the bad guy here. I was the victim.”
Let me begin by being particularly clear: I am not, nor ever have been, a professional golfer. Some who have golfed with me would be shocked by such a statement, but it’s true. I have never had my “Q Card” and have never been invited to one of the four Majors. So I don’t know what that kind of golfing pressure is like.
However, I think I’m highly qualified to speaking on the issue of victimhood. Playing the victim card doesn’t require any professional certification. In fact, some of the best victims have achieved nothing in life precisely because of how well they play that card. I have played that card myself on numerous occasions in my life.
Whether Tiger purposefully tried to hinder Sergio’s success in the Players Championship or not, will never full be resolved. From Sergio’s perspective, Tiger used the crowd to get into Sergio’s head. From Tiger’s perspective, he couldn’t even see Sergio’s play and therefore he did nothing to intentionally distract his opponent. But this one fact remains: Sergio is a victim.
But he was not a victim to Tiger’s alleged actions, he was a victim to his own mindset. He lost that tournament a few weekends back because he chose the path of least resistance -- he took the easy way out the moment he blamed Tiger. And worse? He will learn nothing from this event that will help him overcome a similar circumstance in the future.
Oddly, Sergio has never contacted me for life-coaching, but we can all learn from his choice to play victim. Just like you cannot win a pressure driven round of championship level golf while playing the victim, you cannot live the Overboard Life when you sit back and blame your failures and lack of progress on the actions of others. You can’t parent from faith while playing victim. You can’t forgive, love, give grace, offer truth or even get along with your spouse when you play victim. God didn’t give you a spirit of fear or weakness, but rather He offers His children one of tenacity and strength -- one that is able to overcome in every circumstance because God’s power rests behind it! (2 Timothy 1:7)
When victims are looking to be offended, Overboard-ers* are looking to provide mercy and grace. When victims blame others, Overboard-ers are accepting responsibility and rising up to the challenge. When victims are staying put in the boat because circumstances aren’t quite right, Overboard-ers are already on the water, striving to reach where Jesus is working. When victims can’t forgive because the hurt is too deep, Overboard-ers remember how much God forgave them, and they are eager to forgive and move forward. And when victims wallow in self-pity, Overboard-ers are moving forward in a God-given confidence that even the worst of circumstances can be used by an Almighty God to make priceless art from the most horrendous trash. You can’t live Overboard and play victim.
Imagine how much different Sergio’s interview could have been if he had rejected the victim card:
Reporter: Sergio, how much did the crowd, responding to Tiger’s play, affect your shot.
Sergio: Great question. I think I let it get to me more than I should have.
Reporter: Do you think Tiger was trying to mess with your mind?
Sergio: Wow, I hadn’t thought of it like that. If he was, that means he saw me as a threat to have won the tournament, and next time I’ll have to live up to that perspective. Whether he was, or wasn’t, the fact is -- I let it get to me and that’s why he won, and I didn’t.
Reporter: That is such a cheesy response.
Sergio: My life coach, Joe Castañeda, is helping me work on the mental side of my game, including my responses. Thank you for your brutal honesty, I’ll work on that too….
(I can dream, can’t I?)
These three things are true of everyone living as a victim:
Rise above being a victim. Play at a high level in whatever ‘game’ God has called you to, and as you do, watch God do amazing work in and through you.
Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!
*An “Overboard-er” [plural: Overboard-ers] is the term given to one choosing to live Overboard. Can be personalized, as in, “I am an Overboard-er”. Often used to describe someone who is perpetually grabbing the side of the proverbially boat and jumping sea-ward. For example, “That [insert name here] sure loves being an Overboard-er.