A sappy birthday blog for my wife

Today, my beloved wife turns 43 years old. We have celebrated 19 of those years married, and 8 before that while we were dating. So 27 times I’ve Happy Birthdayed her, as a boyfriend, fiancé or husband. 43 isn’t one of those “milestone” birthdays, so it seems easy to sweep 43 under the carpet. I decided to make it a bigger deal by celebrating her birthday all week, and by writing this post to give you 43 reasons why I’m still crazy in love with my wife. Prepare to gag over the mushiness of this. Feel free to steal any of these words that you can use (however, do change the name “Traci” to the appropriate name in your situation) in your own relationships and of course, remember to bless the people in your life that have such meaning to you!

1. She experiences pure joy in Jesus. Traci knows her center for life is not me, not the kids and not her work...it’s in her relationship with Christ. And she always goes back to that place in the craziness of life.
2. She is fiercely loyal. Loyalty and commitment are deeply ingrained in Traci, and as a friend, lover, business owner and mom, she is loyal with those to whom she connects deeply.
3. She is full of laughter. My wife laughs a lot, and she brings a lot of laughter into our lives.

4. 

   She is a tad crazy. Traci has this fun and spontaneous side to her, and it creates great moments in our lives.

5. She understands our daughters. Cute little girls grow up to be teenage daughters who have complicated emotional lives, that complicate significantly around age 12. Traci gets it. (hallelujah...standing ovation...cheers...applaud...relief!)
6. She understands our son. Not only does she mom our daughters, but she has an amazing relationship with our son, too. He turns to her for advice and inspiration, and I know she’s modeled for him the type of wife he should look for some day.
7. She is athletic. One of the first qualities that attracted me to Traci back in high school, was her ability to participate in youth group games and be better than about 1/2 the boys.
8. She inspires others: Many of you reading this blog have been inspired by Traci and her writings, by her honest struggles with life, and by her victories. People look to her as someone to imitate.
9. She inspires me: I’ve lived with her for almost 19 years and she still, regularly, pushes me to new heights and into new challenges.
10. She is full of tears: I love that my wife is free with her emotions, and ok to cry with her own pain, share tears as she feels the pain and hurt of others and as she expresses worship and praise to God.
11. She is stunningly hot: When I think back to that first glance at her, in the late 80’s, with big hair and 90’s bangs, I remember how stunned I was by her looks. 27 years later, I’m more dazzled than ever, as I’ve come to understand that her outer hotness is matched only by her inner beauty. Inside and out, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.
12. While we’re talking about hot, let’s just assume that numbers 12-15 would not be appropriate to share publicly. So wink-wink, nod-nod, snicker-snicker...she is the inspiration behind one of my more popular blogs, “5 ways to improve your sex life.” (go ahead and click the link...no judgment here!)
13. PG-13
14. PG-13
15. R
16. She works hard. You could never use the word “lazy” to describe my wife. Ever.
17. She dreams BIG! Our life and family dreams are significantly broader and deeper than they would be if it was just me dreaming them! Traci sees the greatness of God and believes deeply in HIS ability to lead His children into great things.
18. She rarely holds anything back. My wife will step into uncomfortable situations, and is willing to give it her all, regardless of the cost or the outcome.
19. She is unwilling to not grow. My wife is always reaching out for growth, always learning from God’s Word and is eager to become more of who God made her to be. She never stops growing and learning.

    

20. She knows how to rest. I love that my wife knows how to work hard, and I love that she knows how to rest and take care of herself.
21. She loves vacation. Traci takes a B+ vacation and makes it an A+. She takes a C- vacation...and makes it an A+. She loves taking our family time and making it better. And she’s very, very, good at it.
22. She loves being surprised. My wife loves being surprised by others. I pity my friends who have a spouse that HATES surprises, and actually, if they feel surprised by a weekend away, a special gift etc... are usually more upset (at least initially) than happy at the gift. I love surprising Traci with little and big things -- it doesn’t matter! -- because she loves being surprised and makes them extra special.
23. She cooks. If you and I are ever trapped in a building, and our survival depends on my culinary skills, we are both going to die of hunger. I’m grateful for my wife’s skills in the kitchen.
24. She manages our family well. Traci is the family organizer. She keeps us running smoothly, she manages appointments, she keeps a great calendar and even in the last season of life where we were homeless and out of schedule/routine, she managed us with excellence.
25. She has an unshakeable faith. No matter how dire things can get, Traci believes in the hand of God and in His ability to bring change to any situation.
26. She runs hard. Last October we ran our first 1/2 marathon, together. It was a metaphor for our lives then (and now), and one of my take aways was seeing the relentless nature of my wife emerge. She runs hard and she refuses to give up. I love her tenacity toward goals and dreams.
27. She listens well. I love that my wife listens. Not passively, but she actively listens to people. She cares about her relationships and she listens without the need to interrupt, offer unsolicited advice or cast judgment without knowledge.
28. She is wise. My wife will frequently tell me, “I wish I knew what to say when...” Truth is, she does know what to say, and knows when to say it. She knows how to process life experiences and how to give wise advice, not just what-you-want-to-hear isms.
29. She thinks I’m funny. Seriously, she still laughs at my jokes. She still smiles when someone in our house says “wrap” and I start rapping like MC Hammer.
30. She can, on occasion, be a tad clumsy. It’s a cute clumsy and it’s hilarious when it shows up.

31. 

    She can laugh at herself. #30 has led to a number of tear-enducing moments in our marriage..the laughter kind of tears.

32. She enjoys a simple life: My wife has a simplicity about the way she lives, and I absolutely love it.
33. She is a great communicator. Traci connects with people when she speaks in a public platform. It’s not just that what she says is good (which it is!), it’s that she says it in such a way that people connect with her and her message. She makes friends in her public ministry, just because people feel like they know her after she’s done sharing. When we teach together, I always marvel at the number of people who walk away feeling like Traci is their friend because of how she communicates.
34. She looks great in anything she wears: I love that she looks great in sweat pants and a baggy sweatshirt, as well as in her little black dress or business casual outfit. She can wear jogging shorts that always make me do a double take, or she can go full tilt for a night at the Magic Castle and wow me when she walks into the room.
35. She’s not afraid of trouble. Life is full of trouble and hardship. Traci doesn’t run from any of them and she isn’t afraid to face down whatever is right in front of us.
36. She knows me, and still loves me. No human knows me better than my wife, and even with that full knowledge, she loves me fully and blesses me beyond reason.
37. She sees things from a different angle. We can read the same Bible story, we can look at the same picture, and Traci sees things that I miss. Ok, I miss a lot, so that may not be that impressive, but she sees things that almost everyone misses. She has a great perspective on life.
38. She is my biggest fan. It doesn’t matter what I’m throwing myself into, my wife believes that I will find success. No matter what the odds, no matter how many frustrating walls I’ve smacked my head against, she believes that I will find a breakthrough.

    

39. She is passionate. While this certainly would include things back up in 12-15, it also includes life outside the bedroom. Traci is passionate about what she does, who our kids are and how God is working in and through our family. She approaches life, the highs and lows, with passion. Her passion is contagious.
40. She is humble. I’ve learned a lot from Traci’s humility in life. Her humility magnifies her beauty.
41. She is talented. She’s a great public speaker. She’s a talented pianist. She’s a great cook. She’s an excellent athletic, life and business coach. I could go on, just know that she’s incredibly talented.
42. She promotes our kids. Traci promotes our kids, challenges them to grow, knows when to push and knows when to pull them in close. She is an amazing mother.
43. She invests heavily in our marriage. My wife guards our marriage, protects her own heart and emotions and happily celebrates with me, the journey we’re on.

I feel like I’m just warming up, so I guess she’ll just have to keep having birthdays so that I can keep adding to this list.

I am a blessed man, more than these words could ever express. I’m sure many of you feel the same about your families, your marriages, your friendships or about some other relationship in your life. Celebrate those people in your life, be sure to tell them how much they mean to you and my God fill you with an overflowing joy through the people closest to you.

Go ahead and take the plunge, your relationships will always be better on the water!

Finally 4!

You probably noticed that we’re starting to wear our big-boy pants. You know, the ones that have a zipper and a button, not just an elastic waistband? Sure, they still have the adjustable stretchy thing on the inside, but all pants should have those, right? We’re also sleeping through the night, using silverware somewhat effectively at most of our meals, we know how to count to 25, can use an iPad better than most 50-year-olds and, honestly, I don’t think we’ve had an accident in almost a year -- we’re sooo past that phase. That’s right, Overboard Ministries just turned four.

Now that we’ve grown up so much, it’s already time for us to get out on our own. Wow, feels like just yesterday we were birthed and now we’re being kicked out...er...overboard. (Feels kinda like Megamind: “8 days old and I’m still living with my parents...how embarrassing.”)

Thank you for following us on this exciting/terrifying, exhilarating/sobering, gargantuan/humbling and faith building journey. As we look back over the past four years, we are truly blown away by what God has done, and by the path He has given us to travel. We started Overboard with the idea of publishing one book (Project Joseph), and building a small ministry of encouragement to couples, pastors and youth pastors, and maybe one day expanding into ministry mentorship/coaching for those going into full-time youth ministry.

Today we’ve published 9 titles, we have 2 more that will be released in the next month, and 6 more that are in the editing process. Today we are building a partnership with Starwood Ranch where we are praying about building the first Overboard Ministry Center, a place to invest in pastors and youth pastors and their wives, as well as marriages and families. Already a team of people are gathering around that endeavor and we’ve been in talks with several others about expanding Overboard Ministries’ reach into other areas and fields. A mentorship program for youth ministry majors is being developed and we’re having conversations with others about some pretty big, out-of-the-boat, concepts.

While we didn’t get to this place the way we intended, we have clearly been directed by God to be in this place at this time. (Check out this post about unexpected stop signs, or this one about God’s plans for our lives). And we know that as we move forward, our partnerships, with friends like you, will continue to grow. You are the people who read the blog, send the encouraging notes, share our crazy ideas, buy our books, offer helpful criticism, and pray with us believing that God is behind all of this.

Thank you.

We are excited to keep moving toward the big dreams God has placed in our hearts, and as we do, we humbly depend on support from an army of great people. If you would like to join our monthly financial support team, please click here. We are well on our way to finding 100 monthly supporters (So far, gifts have ranged from $10-$125/mo, -- the average has been $50. You can join at any level and share in the work of Overboard thru your giving!), and if you’d like to join that team we would be incredibly humbled and eternally grateful.

Likewise, we truly want to build a prayer team that is informed (weekly) and active in their prayer support for this ministry. Click here to be added to that prayer list and to be updated with current requests each week. If you sign up for our financial team, you will automatically be added to our prayer team.

Stay-tuned, God’s work in and thru Overboard is just beginning, and we are grateful to celebrate our 4th year with you.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life -- including birthday parties -- is always better on the water!

I'm half-way dead...what now?

It has finally happened...I’m turning 40. I remember when I used to think 40 was old, now it definitely seems less old than I used to think. I remember when my oldest brother turned 40, nine years ago, and I was thinking, “Wow...my brother’s getting old!” Sorry about that Dan, I no longer think 40 is old. Of course, you’re approaching 50 and that is...

Time has a funny way of putting everything into perspective. According to statistics, today I’m officially half-way dead. The life expectancy of American males is just a smudge over 80 (depending on who you ask) and at 40, I have used up half of my shelf life. There are twinkles being made today that will still be here, and still be a tasty treat, long after I’m gone.

Over the past 40 days I’ve written about where my life has come from, the lessons I’ve learned over the past 4 decades, and ultimately, I’ve revealed what I believe God wants for my life in the future: an Overboard Life that is lived by faith, out of the comfort of the boat, and out on the water where Jesus is building His Kingdom.

Tonight I’ve been reading over 50 different birthday cards that were sneakily sent to my wife the past month. I’ve been torn between hilarious and sentimental all evening, but have been blown away by the kind words and gracious comments by so many dear friends. One card in particular was on the sentimental side but hits the nail on the head for what I’m feeling about 40. It’s from our friend Gail in Olympia, WA:

“You’ve got your bearings, and you’re right where you should be --

at 40 and at your best, right smack between

experience and possibility and perfectly

positioned for a great new decade...”

I definitely feel like I’m in the sweet spot of life. I am confident that the best days of life are ahead and not behind, and that the story God is going to write over the second half of my life will be worth sticking around for! I can’t wait to embrace the race that is set for me, the highs and lows, the obstacles and the downhills, and through it all my prayer will remain the same: God, please use me to do your work, with your help, for your glory.

Friends, I hope you’ll join me in living the Overboard Life. I know that I can’t live this life without the help of great friends who love the Lord and want to live Overboard, too. I’m confident in the next few days, weeks and months I’ll need some encouragement to hold the course. And I give you permission to call me on it -- if you see me living lazy in the comfort of the boat, call me out! Remind me that I want my life to count, and little counts when you’re living in the boat!

Thanks for following this 40-day blog, and for joining me on this Overboard journey. On Monday I have a couple of really special announcements and an opportunity for you to join me in helping to create an Overboard movement. I can’t wait to share some details with you and to see where this will take us all!

Here’s to “Life: Part 2” and to all that God has for each us as live outside the boat for Him.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Birth and other messy things

At 3am on May 24th, 1974, I started making my wishes for an appearance, known. While they didn’t often do ultrasounds in those days to determine a child’s gender, my mom had that motherly instinct that assured her I was a chunky boy. And a few hours after I started plotting an escape from my maternal holding tank, a doctor facilitated my release and all 8+ pounds of me emerged.  

My next oldest sibling had tortured my mom for 33 hour of labor, so despite my size -- “the biggest of the brood” -- the time reduction was welcomed by my mom. And as they played the birthing song in the hospital lobby (dad’s didn’t often join their wives in the birthing room in those days), my father knew he had a third son and the name had already been chosen: Joseph Aaron Castañeda.

Birth is messy. If you’ve ever had the experience of seeing new life enter in this world, you know the mess of which I speak. Sitting bed-side while my wife gave birth to all three of our children, I had a front row seat to the natural carnage. I’ll spare you the details, but there is nothing glamorous about birth.

And yet, birth is incredibly beautiful. After my wife had labored for over 15 hours, our firstborn emerged reluctantly. In an instant, the pain of child bearing disappeared, tears of joy replaced tears of pain and in the majesty of the moment, both Traci and I turned our attention to the baby boy nestled in a blanket, resting on her chest. There are few things more beautiful than watching a mom hold her new born baby after enduring labor.

I don’t think it’s an accident that birth is messy and beautiful -- it’s a metaphor for the life that will be experienced by the new child. Life is messy. Read the paper, watch the news or follow the top online headlines for a week and you’ll know just how messy it can be. Since Adam and Eve chose to disobey God in Genesis 3, the messiness of life has followed humanity like a haunting shadow.

Messiness is the reality of a busted up world. Yet intersecting with the reality of messiness is the fact that beauty is emerging all around us. Just as Adam and Eve experienced God’s grace and forgiveness following their moral failure, that same grace and goodness shows up in the greatest darknesses of this life.

Just as the pain and mess of childbirth fades when the mom holds her new baby, the messiness of life pales when God’s grace shines through. Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians 4: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” The big-picture of God’s grace makes the messiness of this life worth it!

Have you experienced the messiness of this life? Maybe you are enjoying a break, or maybe you are living in the muck right now! Let me assure you that life starts messy, and stays messy until it ends. What makes it worth living is the grace that God provides -- the hope that only He can give as we follow Him.

I’m glad my parents brought me into this messy world. I’m thankful for how they raised me and taught me to live in the mess but not be overcome by it (more on that in the blog posts to follow). But more than anything, I’m thankful for a God who knows the big-picture, and provides grace sufficient for every moment of every day so that I can enjoy the beauty that this life offers.

2 down, 38 to go.

Go ahead and take the plunge, the beauty of life is seen clearest out on the water!