Mistakes leaders make (4/10)

I’m working my way through a book, The Top 10 Mistakes Leaders Make, by Hans Finzel, and I’m really enjoying the challenge. So for the next ten Saturdays I want to work through these ten mistakes, knowing that they apply to CEOs, ministry leaders, parents, teachers, coaches, pastors and just about anyone in any kind of leadership role. I promise to keep my summaries short(ish), and I would love to interact with your thoughts as we go along. These mistakes are listed in order of how they occur in the book, not necessarily how I would arrange them. Overboard Leadership requires an honest self-evaluation of each of these shortcomings (sins?) of leaders. Looking for missed posts, click here: Mistake #1, Mistake #2, Mistake #3)

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Mistake #4: No Room for Mavericks

Mavericks are the small segment of the population that are born with a different perspective. They don’t live inside any box, and they don’t naturally conform to the cultures in which they live and work. These people often feel like they don’t “fit in” because, truth is, they don’t!

If you have more than one child, you may know exactly what I’m speaking about! You probably have a child who just sees the world differently and no matter how hard you try to explain life to them, they just don’t seem to “get it.” The problem is, most of us, inadvertently, try to squash the mavericks from family influence -- or office expression -- as we stifle their creativity in an attempt keep things “normal.”

Generally, it’s not that mavericks try to make things hard, and generally, I don’t think most people intentionally try to block the influence a maverick can have. Rather, our homes and businesses and ministries and schools and organizations become so set in their ways, that without knowing it, they push away the very help they need. I find it ironic when an organization is formed out of a cry for change (like many church plants) but then themselves become a stagnant body that rejects change in the future!

Hanz writes, “Organizations (businesses, families, schools, ministries) have nasty habit of becoming institutionalized.” He continues, “Movements become monuments. Inspiration becomes nostalgic.” In other words, every organization experiences life cycles, much like a human moves from birth to death: birth, infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, middle age, golden years, old age and death. In the human existence, there is no way to reverse the cycle, but in organizations, there is: introduce a Maverick into the group!

Instead, however, most organizations opt to stifle the mavericks and try to keep them away from influence. Finzel gives five signs that suggest an organization is afraid of mavericks and headed for demise:

1. They create as many layers of management as possible for decision making.
2. They keep looking over the shoulders of employees, micro-managing them.
3. They make the policy manual as thick as possible.
4. They send everything to committees for deliberation.
5. They make new ideas and maverick leaders wait.

Kaleo Korner

(From my Friend, Justin VanRheenen, found of Kaleo Media)

My name is Justin. Am I’m a Maverick. **Hi, Justin**

I think of the greatest Maverick in the Bible, Peter. I love this guy. In John 21, after Jesus appeared to Peter and several of the disciples who were out fishing, He joins them on the shore to have breakfast. Now this is after Peter had tried to rebuke Jesus, cut off a dude’s ear, and denied Jesus three times, within a week. Think about that. If you’re a manager or pastor and someone screwed up this many times in a week, you’re ready to have a meeting aren’t you? So was Jesus.

So on the shore Jesus is having this meeting with Peter. And Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?” There are three greek words for love. Eros (a steamy passionate love; erotic), Phileo (a sibling kind of love), Agape (a fall-on-a-grenade-for-you type of love; self-sacrificing). The word that Jesus uses for love here is the word agape. “Peter, do you agape me?” Peter responds, “Jesus, you know that I…” **now watch this** “…phileo you?” Did you see that? Jesus asks a very specific question and Peter can’t answer it. But Jesus says “Feed my lambs.” WHAT?!

Jesus asks Peter again if he loves Him. “Peter, do you agape me?” Peter again responds. “Yes, Lord; you know that I phileo you?” Does Jesus say, “DUDE!! DO YOU NOT HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?” Nope. He says, “Tend my sheep.”

It's the next statement that makes me wish I had Jesus as a boss (don’t get all spiritual on me; you know what I mean). A third time, Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him, but watch this. “Peter, do you phileo me?” Did you see that? Jesus changed the word. He met Peter where he was. But I think He asked him, “Do you really phileo me? You said you do. But do you really?”

Peter is grieved that Jesus had to actually ask him this when he replied, “Jesus, you know everything; you know that I phileo you.” and Jesus says “Feed my sheep…Follow me.”

So why tell this story? Because Mavericks can identify themselves in this story. Mavericks know they don’t fit in. They know it. Just ask them. And they will make soooooo many mistakes. So many. But if you as a manger/pastor/parent punish a maverick because of their failures and never mentor or teach them through it, they will NEVER hear the words of Jesus when He comes down to their level and says, “Feed my sheep. Follow me.” They will instead feel shame, and they will fear even stepping outside of the box they are being stuffed in every day.

But let me tell you, if you can empower a Maverick within your organization, church, or family to do extraordinary things, they will turn a stagnate status quo into a thriving machine. And.And.And. hear me with this: their loyalty will go deeper than the biggest rockstar on your team. Don’t believe me? Engage that Maverick on your team.

Of course, there are mavericks who are self-centered, and more concerned about their status than the team’s -- you must be ware of them -- but there are plenty of game-changing influencers out there who just need a little opportunity to express themselves, in order to bring about significant change. Here are five ways Hanz suggests, to release the potential of a maverick:

1. Give them a long tether -- they need space to soar!
2. Put them in charge of something they can really own.
3. Listen to their ideas, and give them time to grow.
4. Let them work on their own (if they wish).
5. Leave them alone, and give them time, [and limited direction], to blossom.

As a leader, if you are feeling stuck, if you are feeling like your organization is in a rut, it might be that the answer is sitting right in front of you; you just need to release a maverick in to the equation. It can be a risky move, but mavericks are often the last person that stands between long-term success of a ministry or business -- even a family! -- and the demise of a once-great organization.

We’ve all seen 60, 70 and 80-year-old businesses, churches or ministries that have long passed their prime. They’re still around, and they’re still active, but they are at the end of their life-cycle and effectiveness. A maverick leader could be the one person that restores life.

Go ahead and take the plunge, you leadership will be better on the water!

Mistakes leaders make, 5/10

Special thanks to Justin VanRheenen, friend and founder of Kaleo Media. If you want to increase your online presence, or improve your social media content and skills, contact Justin and learn from him!

Why my marriage will fail in two more years

Last year on our 17th anniversary, I wrote a blog entitled, “17 reasons I have a great marriage” -- to this day, it has been the most read blog post I’ve ever put up. I’m guessing today’s won’t have quite as much success. Because now, on our 18th anniversary, I’m going to show you how I could end my marriage before our 20th anniversary. It’s actually quite simple, and if you follow these five steps, you can end your marriage, too! (Don’t worry, if you’re working on a great marriage, I have a list for you, too!)

1. Make your marriage about you: This is the first and most important step in ending your marriage. Making sure your marriage centers around you is crucial in bringing it to a screeching halt. Nothing is more draining about other people than when they focus everything on themselves.
2. Make marriage about your happiness: If you’re working hard to make your marriage about you, this should be relatively easy piece to add to your marriage-ending arsenal. Make the majority of decisions about your marriage (and family!) that revolve around what makes you happy and content.
3. Keep track of everything wrong your spouse does: This is a very important list, and truly, might make the difference in whether or not your marriage ends appropriately. Keep this list current, keep it dated and keep it very private until just the right time. I can’t stress enough how  important it is to keep a VERY detailed list of wrongs your spouse has committed. (Practical tip: It’s best to have two lists. One of the obvious offenses [ie. when your spouse embarrasses you in public] and one of the unknown offenses [ie. your spouse puts their inside-out socks into the laundry hamper]. Trust me, you’ll want both lists at the end!)
4. ALWAYS assume your spouse has ulterior motives: If you actually think your spouse is doing something out of love, simply open up your secret book of lists (step #3) and review them. After just a few minutes you’ll realize that whatever acts of niceness your spouse is performing must be making up for something on one of your lists.
5. NEVER forgive, and if you accidentally do, NEVER forget: Forgiveness is weakness when it comes to ending your marriage. Once you start down the slippery slope of forgiveness, you’ll start to see the good in your spouse and experience the grace of God in your marriage. Trust me on this, if you want to end your marriage, forgiveness is a killer. Don’t do it!

Thankfully, by God’s grace, I actually have no intention of trying to end my marriage in the next two years. There are three basic reasons for this. First, (you really should read last year’s blog about this!) I’ve made a commitment to God, and to my wife, to fight for our union. That was a “death til’ us part” commitment, and since I’m blogging, I must be living, and that means I’m still holding up my end of the covenant. Second, I’m running out of words and ways to describe my wife. Next to God, she has been the most important person in my life. She has endured more than anyone, and been my greatest cheerleader and fan. Why would I want to end that? Third, and honestly, this is a bit on the practical side, but I checked the marriage market for middle-aged, slightly overweight, Mexican men with pitiful investment portfolios (thanks DK for helping me try to change this one!), twelve-year-old mini-vans, furry bodies and having three kids....things aren’t looking good for me. If my wife can love me in this condition (and I often think she’s crazy for doing so!) then I’m more than happy to keep this marriage thing going!

Truth is, however, the key to our marriage has been the grace of God in our lives. By His help we’ve been able to keep this thing afloat. Here are five not-so-secret secrets to our marriage success: (For those that need a more comprehensive list, check out this post with 17 not-so-secret secrets.)

1. Make your marriage about serving others: It’s not easy putting others first, but it’s the first part of a strong relationship. I’ve seen too many friendships, businesses and marriages end over wrong focus in the relationship. When I focus on me, I get in the way of everything. When I focus on others (my spouse), their success becomes my success, their joy, my joy and their happiness...my happiness. Truly, deeply and profoundly.
2. Make your marriage about holiness, not happiness: If I focus on becoming who God wants me to be, and less about whether or not I’m happy at any given moment, I’ll find two life-changing facts. One, I’m far more content in my place in life when I’m being changed into the man/husband/father God wants me to be, and two -- that new-found contentment will lead to a profound joy and happiness that circumstances can never provide OR take away.
3. Keep your lists short: In the Bible, Paul tells us, “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath...” In other words -- resolve your conflicts with each other. And while he wasn’t specifically writing about marriage, it works there to! Clean up your list, every day, with your spouse. Resolve what needs to be resolved (or at least start the process) and forgive what needs to be forgiven. (Make sure you clear out your garbage, too!)
4. ALWAYS assume the best in your spouse: If you start the day by assuming the best in your spouse’s actions and motives, you’ll go a long way in keeping your lists short. I’m not talking about ignoring obvious problems or excusing away abusive or sinful behavior, I’m talking about assuming flowers were given because of love (not to cover a wrong), that sex was offered out of desire (not out of conflict resolution) etc...
5. NEVER hold on to wrong once it has been forgiven: If you’re keeping your lists short (step #3), make sure you don’t keep the completed pages in the back of your notebook. Again, I’m not talking about ignoring patterns of sin or unfaithfulness, I’m talking about truly forgiving your spouse and releasing them from the wrong they’ve committed.

I hope you’ll choose the second list of five, over the first! Marriage is hard work, but I can tell you that after 18 years of hard work, you couldn’t offer me enough money, power or status to make me want to end mine. God has given me such a great gift in my wife Traci, and because we’re both working through our imperfections with Him, and with each other, we’re making a pretty good go at this marriage. And it’s worth it. You are worth it, and so is your marriage!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life -- and  marriage! -- is always better on the water!