Joshua Duggar should rot

The recent story of Joshua Duggar, and his 12-year-old sexual misconduct conviction, has ripped through the news. Now 27, Joshua admitted to unspecified inappropriate sexual behavior involving girls when he was 15, and this seems to coincide with an Arkansas State Police report from the same time (approximately 2006) involving “forcible molestation.” However, the police report, in order to protect the minors involved, has been heavily redacted, and now expunged, so names and details don’t show on the report.

As news of this reached TLC, they quickly pulled the plug on their hit show, 19 Kids and Counting, a reality program about the Duggar family, their faith in God and how they’ve raised 19 children. Because Christian culture is in the limelight, the fallout from this type of move is significant. There are some who feel TLC is persecuting this family because of their faith, even though TLC did something similar to the family show, Honey Boo Boo, when one of its main stars was allegedly dating a pedophile. Others are outraged by Joshua’s behavior, teenager or not, and think the punishment was fitting, even though Joshua already faced civil prosecution according to Arkansas law, sought counseling and offered help to his victims.

Let’s face it, there are no acceptable excuses for perpetrators of sexual abuse. Sex crimes carry with them severe long-term pain for the victims, and the monsters behind those crimes deserve severe punishment.

Personally, I think Joshua Duggar should rot for his crimes. And while I’m at it, so should you.

Maybe you’re not a confessed sexual abuser, but I’m sure you have a list of crimes (illegal or otherwise) that you should rot for, too. Let me know if any of these would register on your record:

Gossiping: I think there are few crimes more devastating, yet more acceptable, in our culture than Gossip. Gossip fuels rivalries, breaks up relationships, stirs distrust, ruins the workplace and splits churches faster than almost any other type of crime. We all hate it, yet most of us participate in it at some level.

Lying: A close cousin of Gossip, but far more deadly and deliberate. In gossip, I might spread an untruth but genuinely not know. “I heard it from so and so...” and spread it like bubonic. With a lie, I know what I’m saying isn’t true, and yet I share it anyway. Lies drove a young teenage cheerleader in Florida to take her own life last year. Lies have corrupted presidencies, destroyed pastors, landed people in jail, ruined marriages, split up families and started wars. Lying might be the most sinister crime of all (it was the first crime ever committed).

Power abuse: Have you ever abused your position of authority? Have you ever taken your frustration out on a child or spouse, a co-worker, employee or sub-contractor? In the Christian world, I’ve seen far too many pastors, elders, counselors, camp directors, association leaders, deacons, choir directors and ministry leaders who have misused their authority for their own gain. In the church, it’s usually veiled in a “I’m doing what’s best for the [insert cause/organizaiton/church here]” but most often reeks of personal gain. Outside the church walls, power abuse is a daily headline, from politicians to corrupt CEOs, from sports organizations to non-profit fundraising groups, where ever there is power and authority, there is the possibility that abuse is happening.

Lust: Here’s a crime that likes to sneak under the radar. Unlike the other three listed above, lust hides primarily in your thought life. Lust can camouflage itself in any environment, and can slowly release its venom for years. Decades. Sometimes called “Window shopping” or excused for “I look but I don’t touch,” lust corrupts the beauty of sex and turns it into a self-focused, self-pleasing experience. Lust turns other humans into objects, and fuels an industry for trafficked people around the world. Lust is not a victimless crime, yet we’re sold its virtues everyday online, on billboards and newspaper ads and television commercials.

I could go on, but I suspect that if you’re anything like me, I’ve already struck at something connected to you.

I don’t know the extent of Josh Duggar’s crimes, and neither do most of you. Right now, after reading hours of online stories and documents, the details of his offense are protected. His victims are, at this point, silent, and to the best of my knowledge, the legal, civil and spiritual consequences have been met. His crime is inexcusable, and his victims will live with his actions for the rest of their lives (as a pastor for almost 20 years, I’ve seen the devastating impact of this kind of personal violation), and he will bear the guilt, shame and, now, public disgrace as a result. What else should happen to him? I’m not sure I can answer that objectively.

Yet I wonder what would happen to you or me if our crimes were brought to light? What if your texts were broadcast to everyone, your browser history exposed on Facebook or your private conversations made public? What if your secret thoughts were televised nationally or your past indiscretions exposed on the evening news? What would we think about you? What would you think about me?

As I’ve read about the Duggar case I have come to at least three conclusions:

1. All of us are guilty, it’s just that not all of us are exposed for our guilt. Romans 3:23 makes it plain that everyone commits crimes (legal or otherwise, the Bible calls these crimes, “sin”), and every crime is worthy of punishment. Josh’s “forced molestation” is heinous, just as your gossip, my lying, your power abuse and my lust are the vilest of offenses. Don’t down play your crimes because they are unknown or socially acceptable, own the fact that you are guilty, too.
2. Admitting guilt is the hardest step, but it puts us on the best path. When news broke of Joshua Duggar’s crime, I admired this about his response: He owned it out of the gate (as far as I can tell), and accepted responsibility without a “but” (“I did it...but it wasn’t my fault...”). When’s the last time you looked at your list of crimes and owned them? When’s the last time you confessed them, even publicly (when appropriate), and began the process of restoration (when appropriate)? (Quick soap box: Restoration does not mean that a human relationship can be restored to its prior place. Restoration means that sin has been acknowledged, forgiveness has been granted, and offender and victim are restored to their right place with God. Consequences may continue, and the relationship may be forever changed, but restoration can still be a reality.) [end of soap box] You and I are only as sick as the secrets we keep, so admit your own crimes and begin the process toward health!
3. God’s justice and mercy are compatible, and His grace surrounds both. It seems that many responses to this Duggar scandal have been either justice (“I hope he rots in prison!”) or mercy (“He did the right thing, we should all forgive him!”). The truth is, God is the ultimate example of both, and neither His mercy or justice trumps the other, and both are filtered through His grace. God perfectly gives us what we deserve (justice), yet because of His mercy (not giving us what we do deserve) we’re not all dead. Holy justice means God can’t look away from our sin, it must be punished, and that punishment is death here, and eternal separation in the next life. In the same vein however, God withholds the full brunt of His judgement (mercy), giving us what we need (grace) in order to be changed into the likeness of His Son. When I cry out for God’s full justice to be unloaded on anyone (the sex abuser, the gossip, the power abuser, the liar or the pervert), I should ask God to do the same to me; and falling headlong into the full wrath of God’s full justice is a horrible place to be.

At the end of the day I realize I want mercy and grace in my life. I mess up and I know I deserve God’s unshielded, unbiased judgement, and I sit here today thankful that He provides mercy and grace. No matter what I feel about Joshua Duggar’s crimes, I want the same for Him, too. Because if there’s no mercy for Josh, there’s no mercy for me. That doesn’t excuse his sin, and it doesn’t require the removal of legal, social or public punishment that may come with it, any more than it excuses my sin or removes the punishment due me. His story just brings to light that all of us are guilty, all of us are in God’s justice system, and all of us are doomed without God’s grace and mercy.

I hope the reports I’ve read about Joshua Duggar’s confession and restoration are correct. I hope his victims have found help and healing through counselors who point them to Christ, and true hope through God who loves and restores the brokenhearted. I pray that you, too, will find healing for the crimes that have been forged against you, and that you and I will be reminded of the crimes we’ve committed against others, and do our part to undo the harm we’ve perpetrated.

May we all live aware of God's justice, be thankful for His mercy and be distributors of His grace.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water.

I'm a liar.

Just over one year ago, Lance Armstrong admitted, on national television, that he had been doping his blood and using illegal drugs to enhance his ability as a world-class cyclist. Winner of 7 Tour de France races after he conquered cancer, Lance was an icon to millions of cancer patients and he gave hope to everyone who had great odds to overcome. And he was a liar.  

He lied to people for over a decade. He denied using drugs. He swore that he never doped. He threw teammates under the bus who were calling him out and he looked people right in the eye and said, “I’m the real deal.” I believed him, and I was one of the many who defended him when the evidence was mounting. (Read my post, “I Believed Lance”)

Today, Lance is a man who has been humbled. Over half of his assets have been lost in law suits, and there is more legal action pending. Some forecasters estimate that by losing all of his endorsements, he’s given away $150 million in future income. He’s banned from races, even charity events, and no one is calling or asking for interviews. Because he lied, Lance is at rock bottom.

As I thought about Lance last year, and now again today as a reporter gave me the latest update on Lance’s life, I realize that he and I have a lot in common. Like Lance, I’m a liar. In fact, I’m willing to be that most of the people who were mad at him, most of the people who cursed him out on social media, who made jokes with him as the punch line, who looked down their noses at his incredible gall are in the same boat; they’re liars, too.

I was in college when I realized how big of a liar I was. After my freshman year of school, I ran into my old principal during a visit to the high school where I graduated. We talked for a while and then he asked if I would come back in September and talk to the students at a special event he was trying to put on. He didn’t think he had any money to fly me back (since I would be back in school for the fall semester) but he’d check on it. I told him I’d love to speak, and left it at that.

Traci and I were dating at the time, so I told her I had been invited back to speak, and since she was going to be in Salem going to school, we could celebrate her September birthday together. Well, mid-way through the summer I found out that there was, as my principal had suggested, no money available for me to fly back. As a result, the speaking gig was cancelled.

I was determined, however, to be back for Traci’s birthday, so I continue to tell people I was speaking. At the time, I was just learning how to speak publicly and I loved the idea that someone would fly me somewhere to speak. So on a personal credit card, I booked a flight home, and to cover up my true motives (spending time with Traci and making her birthday extra special), insisted that I was speaking at this event at my high school.

For some reason, the idea of me coming back to speak at my high school caught fire with my friends and even a few family members. Suddenly people were getting excited for me and many were asking about the dates etc... My little lie was gaining traction and I was finding myself having to tell more lies, to cover up my first lie. I think it was Abraham Lincoln who said, “If you’re going to be a liar, you’re going to need a very good memory” (or something like that) and he was right! I was having a hard time keeping my lies straight.

About three weeks after my semester started, my youth pastor called me at school and exposed my bluff. I played coy at first, pretending like everything was a go as he gave me a chance to come clean on my own, but then he laid his trap and I was caught. He had run into one of the school counselors and mentioned to him how excited he was that I was a keynote speaker for the upcoming event, and the counselor returned a puzzled look. The two men talked and it turned out the event had never been scheduled -- it was just an idea that my principal dropped on me that I ran with. I wasn’t even smart enough to see if the event was still going when I started my lies!

After an hour-long call with my youth pastor, I called my dad and told him the truth. As a wise man, he knew things weren’t quite adding up and he actually went to my youth pastor to see if he knew anything. The two of them knew I was lying and my youth pastor wanted the chance to help me learn from this. I was humbled to talk to my dad, and then my mom and then to call a bunch of other friends and family to whom I’d lied. It was one of those low points in life that you hope you never have to experience again.

I know people were mad at Lance because he used his lies to profit. While he did raise hundreds of millions for charity, he also gained such fame and popularity that he became a super valuable spokesman. But the result of his lies don’t make his lies “worse”. The reality is that a lie is bad because it’s a lie, not because of the degree to which we lie. The consequences for various lies may be more severe than for others, but that does’t make a lie any more evil.

It’s hard work telling the truth all the time. One of my children loves to answer questions as precisely as possible, so that she doesn’t have to reveal all the facts. If you ask, “Have you finished all your homework?” she is likely to respond with a “Yes.” After a few more question we learn that she has to study for a test, but since we didn’t ask about studying, she didn’t feel obliged to reveal that answer. We’ve worked hard with her to help her understand that withholding truth is just like lying, though she wants to insist she is a young woman of integrity. For her, the problem is that telling the truth means more studying, more time doing what she doesn’t want to do. Telling the truth will require more work.

I’d love to tell you that the last lie I told was in college. But that too, would be a lie. Maybe I withheld the truth. Maybe I didn’t keep a commitment I promised to keep. Maybe I let someone down so I lied to cover up my shortcoming or absentmindedness. The fact is, I’m a liar. As much as I wanted to be indignant with Lance, he and I share the same heritage of integrity (or lack thereof).

In Ephesians 4, Paul writes this plain instruction for us: “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor...” In other words, “quit lying!” Living the Overboard Life demands an integrity that comes from working hard to be a person of honesty. Lying is easy, but speaking the truth in every situation is hard work and often requires humility (when we’ve been wrong), grace (when we’ve been wronged) and effort (when the truth will require more work from us). But the truth is always worth it.

Just this morning I was reading about Lance’s life. He has hit rock bottom, but in his words, “I’ve never been better.” Life is hard for him, as everything that once defined his life has been stripped away. But he has his family, and he is moving forward with this new challenge. The interviewer, a man who followed Lance’s career for a long time, and who frequently defended the man and was personally hurt by Lance’s admission, said Lance had never looked so good as he did the day they met for the interview. The burden of the lie was lifted, and Lance has discovered that the hard work of integrity is an easier weight to carry.

Are you carrying around some lies you need to release? Are you trusting the truth to set you free? Dishonesty is a prison. Live with integrity and with truth, and you’ll find walking on water is easier without the extra weight!

go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

I believed Lance

Probably most of us have heard what happened to cycling legend, Lance Armstrong. After winning 7 Tour de France titles, he has lost everything from his prized yellow jackets (given to the winner of the tour), to his million dollar sponsors, to his national platform for speaking out on behalf of cancer survivors. All of it has been taken away because Lance took drugs, and then lied.  

And he lied, a lot.

Up until it became clear that he was going to confess, on national TV, that he had been lying about drug use, I was one of those guys who believed Lance was telling the truth when he denied his drug use previously. I have followed his career with some mild obsession and watched how many times he looked reporters, cameras, cancer patients and children, right in the eyes, and said plainly, “I have not used drugs.”

A lot of pro athletes use drugs, and when confronted you get “I’ve never tested positive” which is code for, “I’m still getting away with it.” Or they’ll say, “I’ve never used drugs” but the massive changes in their bodies betray their words. And the, “No comment” is a legally protective away of saying, “Of course I used drugs and their is no way I’m about it admit to you!”

But Lance stared us down and didn’t flinch. His story never changed. He destroyed a lot of people to keep his reputation in tact. He lost friendships. he threw a lot of people under the bus and because of his tenacity for defending himself, and the high price he was paying, I believed he was telling us the truth.

As I evaluate the situation with Lance, I realize I believed him because I so desperately want to believe that greatness doesn’t demand personal or moral compromise. I want to see a person like Lance Armstrong make it because I want to see the good guy win. I want to see the hard working, personal sacrificing athlete prove that you can be the very best, and not give up on who you really are. You can win without cheating.

Thankfully, even though Lance wasn’t one of those guys, there are still others. There are other athletes who were/are great, and didn’t cheat. People who are great in what they do, and who don’t compromise to get there. Guys like Ken Griffy Jr, Larry Bird, Cal Ripken Jr, Phil Mickelson & Bo Jackson were all top-tier athletes -- heroes of their sports -- and all of them did it right. They played hard, became the best, and didn’t compromise their own character or morality to get there. While I so desperately wanted Lance to be one of those guys, I’m thankful that we still have others to look to.

But even more importantly, each of us has a chance to live our lives with integrity. In fact, you can’t truly live the Overboard Life without it. I think the problem Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, Roger Clements and others have faced has been simple: They chose “greatness” over character, not realizing that true greatness emerges from great character. When the day comes and we leave this earth, people will best remember who we were, not what we did. If you compromise to achieve perceived greatness, you will buried with an asterisk by your name -- your “greatness” will always be devalued.

I don’t just want to “Live Strong”, I want to finish strong. Like the Apostle Paul, I hope to get to the end of my race and be able to say, “I fought the good fight, I finished the race.” And because I don’t know when my race will end, I have to live with integrity every day.

Jumping out of the comfort of the boat, and walking on the water where Jesus is, takes courage. It takes a special kind of character. A great life can be made when you follow after Christ, and that can only happen when you live with integrity. I don’t want to take any more short cuts. I don’t want to compromise any of my values. May God help us all finish strong!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is better on the water!