Two 12-year-old [almost] murderers

Sometimes the news is so disturbing. This week has been one of those weeks.  

Last night I came across the story of 2, 12-year-old Wisconsin girls who plotted the murder of one of their friends. These girls had, for some time, been working up the courage to kill another girl by stabbing her to death in order to, according to several media reports, fulfill some self-created connection to the fictional horror character Slenderman.

Everyone is shocked by the vicious attack that took place. It is sick enough that it involves two 12-year-old girls, but multiplied by the malicious intent, the months of planning, the sickening debate that occurred over how/when/who to attack along with the unfathomable connection to a fictional online character. (The girls believed that after killing their victim, they would live with this character in his castle in the woods.)

Miraculously, despite 17-19 stab wounds, the victim was able to crawl to a public place where a passing cyclist saw her, called police and the child did not pass away. She is in stable condition, physically, but I’m guessing the horrors of what just happened will terrorize her dreams for many nights to come. As a parent of an 11-year-old, I cannot imagine the heartache, pain, suffering, fear, anger, hurt, and loss of innocence that everyone is feeling right now. My heart is truly broken.

Over the past 15 years, since the first egregious act of violence that has defined my years of youth ministry (the Columbine high school massacre), the culture of violence has left us wondering what has gone wrong with our students. Why do 16-year-old boys plot the demise of their entire school? Why do 14-year-old girls bully a fellow cheerleader until violence erupts and families are destroyed by murder? Why do 17-year-old boys go on murder sprees? Why do 12-year-old girls plot the death of a friend?

I’ve worked with students for over 20 years now and I’ve tried to stay pretty current with youth culture. I’ve spent a lot of time staying in tune with the cultural norms of our youth and paid attention to trends and cultural shifts; I’ve seen waves of change happen during that time. No, I don’t think that there was some magical golden era of teenagers where everything was better, where teens were magically more obedient, kinder with their words and more loving of their siblings.

Yes, I do believe that in the past, there were social norms around interactions, respect and family dynamics that were different, but that doesn’t mean the heart of the child was any different. Just because someone says, “Yes ‘ma’am” or “Yes sir” when you give instructions, doesn’t mean the heart of the person shows the same respect. Haven’t we all been guilty of playing nice on the outside, while standing up in rebellion on the inside?

Tweet: That is inherently the biggest problem: Outward obedience does not equal inward change.

If you have ever followed some of the stories around high school shootings, cyber bullying, gang violence or any of the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching ways in which students act out in vicious attacks on others, you’ve seen some similar patterns. Once in a while you will find the kid who committed the crime was the kid that everyone suspected; the child that somehow showed psychotic behavior for many years.

That is not, however, the norm. Over and over in the papers, in the online blogs and forums, you find this statement: “They seemed so normal...” The story involving these two young girls was replete with testimonies of how these two perpetrators seemed so nice, so regular. I’m sure in weeks to come, as the investigation grows, some things will emerge that reveal a darker side, but like so many of these tragic events, there is a outward normalcy to the murderers.

Sure, some may be the loner types, introverts to the extreme, but many are not. Many are outgoing and friendly, good students who get good grades, and even show some leadership aptitude. And that’s what scares us as parents; that’s what makes these stories hit so close to home. It could have been our kids that were the victims. Right now, our own children could have friends that look so good on the outside, but are full of evil intentions on the inside.

For years, now, I’ve urged parents to remember this one truth: having “good kids” isn’t the goal of parenting. If we believe that raising good boys and girls, who do well in school, are respectful of others and generally don’t get into too much trouble and are positive contributors in society, that we have succeeded as parents, we’ve missed the mark! Great parenting involves helping our children be changed from the inside-out, so that their good behavior is a reflection of a changed heart; not just compliance to social norms, parenting pressure or as a response to a generally good disposition.

Deuteronomy 6:1-9 shows us the pathway to this change when Moses tells parents: “...These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up...” (6:6-7). You see? God’s Word is to be the chief influencer on our hearts, so that the good behavior that follows submission to God and His Word is rooted in heart-change!

I slept horribly last night, thinking about the families of this incident in Wisconsin. I prayed for the young lady’s recovery, I prayed for the family’s future and I prayed for the friends and students at the girls’ school, as they all learn to process the events that just transpired. But most of all, I prayed that the need for radical heart-change would be experienced by many. I prayed that we as a culture wouldn’t just push for social reform, weapon-control or sensitivity training. I prayed the impossible dream: That somehow we would turn back to the source of heart-change and find true healing for today, and true hope for the future, in the power of God’s Word.

I am as passionate about helping students today as I was when I first began working with them 20 years ago (that’s been over half of my life!). One of the reasons I love working with teens is that they are willing to embrace something new, they’re open to radical changes and their hearts can be set aflame for God and His Word. I see it here at the camp every week of the summer as hundreds of campers in 4th-12th grade make life-changing decisions that set a different course for their lives.

Today, I am praying that the next tragic child headliner is going to be changed because a heart will be altered. I am praying that someone living the Overboard Life will show love to a child who has never experienced unconditional care, and a heart bent on evil will be eternally changed by the grace and glory of the Gospel. I am praying that we will -- not go back to some other era of perceived civility -- move forward into an era of radical life change brought on by a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I’m taking the plunge today, because the world will be better when we boldly live Overboard. Will you join me?

Newtown on my heart

Not many hours have gone by in the last five days, where my wife and I haven’t thought about and talked about the events that transpired in Newtown Connecticut last Friday.  

There are few words to offer when I really reflect on this tragedy. The murderous act is heinous, and delves into the deepest pit of humanity’s ugliness. The outpouring of a nation’s love is enormous and shows a small, but strong, gleaming hope for those in the darkness of suffering. But that hope seems like a small token in light of the heavy loss of such precious lives. What are we to do?

While the social and political debates will rage on about guns, mental illness and government intervention I have spent some time searching my own heart and mind for lessons. Why it takes events like this to shake me up I will never fully understand, but in light of this tragedy, here are four take-a-ways for Overboard Living.

1. Life is a gift from God -- use it because you will lose it. The sickness that permeates this world isn’t mental illness or gun abuse (and both of those are tragedies in their own rights). The sickness that runs in this world is caused by sin -- humanity’s desire to live apart from God’s design. As a result, all of us will come face to face with our own mortality; death is inevitable. When tragedy strikes such young lives, we ache at the life that wasn’t allowed to be lived out. This horrific event is a reminder that we only have one life to live before we meet our Creator and Maker. There are no guarantees of longevity or safety, only the reality that your life on earth will come to an end. Are you living in a way that maximizes your time?
2. The world needs people to step in the gap. While the president’s visit was touching and hope-giving in the moment, I promise you that the people of Newtown will most remember those who came when the pain began. They will remember the first responders who walked through the crime scene, and wept over the life-less bodies of little children and honorable men and women, while performing their duties as employees of the city. They will remember the pastors who came to pray, the neighbors who brought food, the friends who sat in silence and shed tears along with them. They will remember the people who delivered much needed groceries, who helped pick up and drop off the other kids, and they will remember the ones who just came and held hands, saying nothing. There is a lot of hurt and brokenness in this world, and people need others to stand in the gap when tragedy strikes.
3. Character develops day by day, but emerges in key moments. The stories of teachers who hid their kids, died protecting their students and who tried to stop their assailant are amazing. They are reminders that our character develops day by day, with each decision we make, and with each choice. There are no shortcuts to having strong character -- it builds every time we make the right choice in the small stuff. If you want to be the right person in the right place at the right time, you must develop that character today. Character will not be created in the moment of need, it will simply be revealed that it already resided in you.
4. A broken world needs a Savior: The brokenness of our world will not be healed by lawmakers, Presidents or strong communities. The only healing that can come will begin when people hand their hearts over to God and allow Him to change them from the inside out. Are you telling others about Jesus? Is the message of hope being shared from your lips?

I will continue to pray for the families, school and community in Newtown. I’m sure I will continue to be sickened by the pain of loss those families have experienced. I can’t imagine how much ache I’d feel if my seven year old Celina was the body being covered on national TV. But as I move forward, as we move forward as a nation, I hope we will reflect on the frailty of life, the need for people to stand in the gap and show their true character, and for a broken world to turn to a healing Savior.

The Overboard Life demands an eternal perspective, one that often miss in the day-to-day grind of making ends meet, and hustling for deadlines. I know life is better on the water, but taking the plunge is rarely easy.

May God’s peace come to Newtown. May we all embrace His perspective each and every day.