Drinking poison

I recently read about an interesting “experiment” by the U.S. government, executed during the prohibition era. While it was illegal to buy, sell or manufacture drinking alcohol, the bootlegger’s black market made sure that massive quantities of beer and liquor continued to flow without much hinderance. Law enforcement just couldn’t keep up with the back-alley alcohol consumption and production.

While all sorts of tactics were used by the feds to stop alcohol production, one lesser-known experiment had catastrophic effects. Known as the “Chemist’s war of prohibition,” the U.S. government ordered the poisoning of industrial alcohols sold throughout the country. These products were frequently stolen by bootleggers and used in the production of their illegal spirits. The belief was that poisoning the alcohol would scare people into sobriety.

The belief was wrong, and the results were disastrous. By one record, when prohibition ended in 1933, over 10,000 deaths were directly linked to the poison strategy. Yet despite all these deaths, alcohol consumption didn’t slow down.

Would you have risked death over a swig of alcohol during that era? Seriously, if you knew that alcohol was being poisoned, and possibly even by the government itself, would have risked a drink knowing it could cost you, your life? For millions of people, the answer was yes and for at least 10,000 people the poison was deadly.

Last week I was reading in Genesis and I came across the story of Jacob and Esau. These guys were brothers, sons of Isaac, who lived life through two different lenses. Jacob was a momma’s boy, while Esau was a man’s man. Jacob was manipulator, Esau was a bully.

One day, when Isaac was getting to the end of his life, he told Esau, the first born, to prepare a meal and to be ready to receive the blessing Isaac had reserved for his oldest child. Rebekah, Isaac’s wife, helped Jacob totally deceive his dad and steal the blessing that actually belonged to his brother. When Esau figured out what had happened, there was nothing left for him but frustration and anger.

And poison. Lots of poison.

To protect her son, Rebekah sent him away to find a wife in another country instead of marrying a Canaanite woman. Isaac agreed with the idea and sent Jacob back to the land of their family in order for him to find a proper woman to marry. In this part of the story, we find Esau drinking the poison:

“Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; so he went to Ishmael [a city] and married Mahalath...in addition to the wives he already had” (Genesis 28:8-9).

Esau was so angry about having his blessing stolen by his brother. Esau had been cheated by his brother and betrayed by his own mother! There is nothing you can find in the text that would justify Jacob or Rebekah’s actions, and humanly speaking, Esau had every right to be angry and seek revenge. He took action and ultimately, he suffered.

That’s the strange conundrum that many of us find ourselves in: when we’re wronged, when we have a right to strike back, we find that revenge becomes a poison that wounds us! As Nelson Mandela put it, “Resentment [Revenge] is a poison we drink, while waiting for our enemies to die.”

Esau took another wife, a foreigner, in order to spite his parents. But who suffered from that? Certainly Esau did as he introduced this woman into his family. Certainly his new wife did. Certainly his other wives did. As all married men know, when your wife is unhappy or struggling, you’re unhappy and struggling (the same is true for women with their husbands!). Nobody in Esau’s family won with this decision, but Esau drank the poison anyway.

You and I drink from the same poison every time we hold a grudge, harbor hatred, seek revenge or wish evil on others. I’m not talking about seeking true justice, I’m talking about pursuing punishment or revenge based on our feelings of right and wrong. Every time we chase after those things, it’s as if we’ve taken our beer mug, held it under a keg of government tainted alcohol, and decided to take a chance with a little drink. Like Esau, the only person being poisoned is the one drinking.

Contrast this with Easu’s nephew, Joseph. He was hated by his brothers. Then, they sold him into slavery and told his dad that he had been killed by a wild animal. After that, he was imprisoned for NOT having sex with his boss’s wife. He was forgotten in prison, even after he miraculously revealed God’s divine plan for two other prisoners. For a total of 13 years, he was a slave and prisoner and when he finally met with his brothers again, with a chance to “get even” he says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, Don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children” (Genesis 50:20-21).

Joseph chose to NOT drink the poison, and the outcome of his life was radically different.

Are you drinking the poison of bitterness, anger, revenge or resentment? Here are a few ideas about how to put down the cup and release the need for revenge.

1. Remember Colossians 3:13 and forgive others, as the Lord has forgiven you. It’s not easy when the pain is deep, but we must recall that what Jesus forgave in you and me, is exponentially deeper than what you and I will ever forgive in someone else. Your sin -- my sin -- cost Jesus His life, and yet He willingly paid that price in order to cover our sin. If He forgave us with His life, with His help, we can forgive others, too.
2. Remember Genesis 50:20, and the truth that God can use your worst pain and darkest circumstances, to accomplish His great plan. Did Joseph know God’s plan while he was a slave or prisoner? I doubt it. But when God’s plan became clear, he was in a position to receive it.
3. Remember Hebrews 12:3 that tells us that Jesus endured opposition at the hands of sinful men in order to see God’s work finished. Take courage, the writer of Hebrews says, “...so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Learning to take poison out of your diet can be a painful experience, but like most healthy changes, you will be glad you did when the change is finished. Don’t let anger, bitterness, resentment or revenge ruin another day. Choose the path of Joseph and find real freedom in Christ.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Joe Castaneda

Why my marriage will fail in two more years

Last year on our 17th anniversary, I wrote a blog entitled, “17 reasons I have a great marriage” -- to this day, it has been the most read blog post I’ve ever put up. I’m guessing today’s won’t have quite as much success. Because now, on our 18th anniversary, I’m going to show you how I could end my marriage before our 20th anniversary. It’s actually quite simple, and if you follow these five steps, you can end your marriage, too! (Don’t worry, if you’re working on a great marriage, I have a list for you, too!)

1. Make your marriage about you: This is the first and most important step in ending your marriage. Making sure your marriage centers around you is crucial in bringing it to a screeching halt. Nothing is more draining about other people than when they focus everything on themselves.
2. Make marriage about your happiness: If you’re working hard to make your marriage about you, this should be relatively easy piece to add to your marriage-ending arsenal. Make the majority of decisions about your marriage (and family!) that revolve around what makes you happy and content.
3. Keep track of everything wrong your spouse does: This is a very important list, and truly, might make the difference in whether or not your marriage ends appropriately. Keep this list current, keep it dated and keep it very private until just the right time. I can’t stress enough how  important it is to keep a VERY detailed list of wrongs your spouse has committed. (Practical tip: It’s best to have two lists. One of the obvious offenses [ie. when your spouse embarrasses you in public] and one of the unknown offenses [ie. your spouse puts their inside-out socks into the laundry hamper]. Trust me, you’ll want both lists at the end!)
4. ALWAYS assume your spouse has ulterior motives: If you actually think your spouse is doing something out of love, simply open up your secret book of lists (step #3) and review them. After just a few minutes you’ll realize that whatever acts of niceness your spouse is performing must be making up for something on one of your lists.
5. NEVER forgive, and if you accidentally do, NEVER forget: Forgiveness is weakness when it comes to ending your marriage. Once you start down the slippery slope of forgiveness, you’ll start to see the good in your spouse and experience the grace of God in your marriage. Trust me on this, if you want to end your marriage, forgiveness is a killer. Don’t do it!

Thankfully, by God’s grace, I actually have no intention of trying to end my marriage in the next two years. There are three basic reasons for this. First, (you really should read last year’s blog about this!) I’ve made a commitment to God, and to my wife, to fight for our union. That was a “death til’ us part” commitment, and since I’m blogging, I must be living, and that means I’m still holding up my end of the covenant. Second, I’m running out of words and ways to describe my wife. Next to God, she has been the most important person in my life. She has endured more than anyone, and been my greatest cheerleader and fan. Why would I want to end that? Third, and honestly, this is a bit on the practical side, but I checked the marriage market for middle-aged, slightly overweight, Mexican men with pitiful investment portfolios (thanks DK for helping me try to change this one!), twelve-year-old mini-vans, furry bodies and having three kids....things aren’t looking good for me. If my wife can love me in this condition (and I often think she’s crazy for doing so!) then I’m more than happy to keep this marriage thing going!

Truth is, however, the key to our marriage has been the grace of God in our lives. By His help we’ve been able to keep this thing afloat. Here are five not-so-secret secrets to our marriage success: (For those that need a more comprehensive list, check out this post with 17 not-so-secret secrets.)

1. Make your marriage about serving others: It’s not easy putting others first, but it’s the first part of a strong relationship. I’ve seen too many friendships, businesses and marriages end over wrong focus in the relationship. When I focus on me, I get in the way of everything. When I focus on others (my spouse), their success becomes my success, their joy, my joy and their happiness...my happiness. Truly, deeply and profoundly.
2. Make your marriage about holiness, not happiness: If I focus on becoming who God wants me to be, and less about whether or not I’m happy at any given moment, I’ll find two life-changing facts. One, I’m far more content in my place in life when I’m being changed into the man/husband/father God wants me to be, and two -- that new-found contentment will lead to a profound joy and happiness that circumstances can never provide OR take away.
3. Keep your lists short: In the Bible, Paul tells us, “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath...” In other words -- resolve your conflicts with each other. And while he wasn’t specifically writing about marriage, it works there to! Clean up your list, every day, with your spouse. Resolve what needs to be resolved (or at least start the process) and forgive what needs to be forgiven. (Make sure you clear out your garbage, too!)
4. ALWAYS assume the best in your spouse: If you start the day by assuming the best in your spouse’s actions and motives, you’ll go a long way in keeping your lists short. I’m not talking about ignoring obvious problems or excusing away abusive or sinful behavior, I’m talking about assuming flowers were given because of love (not to cover a wrong), that sex was offered out of desire (not out of conflict resolution) etc...
5. NEVER hold on to wrong once it has been forgiven: If you’re keeping your lists short (step #3), make sure you don’t keep the completed pages in the back of your notebook. Again, I’m not talking about ignoring patterns of sin or unfaithfulness, I’m talking about truly forgiving your spouse and releasing them from the wrong they’ve committed.

I hope you’ll choose the second list of five, over the first! Marriage is hard work, but I can tell you that after 18 years of hard work, you couldn’t offer me enough money, power or status to make me want to end mine. God has given me such a great gift in my wife Traci, and because we’re both working through our imperfections with Him, and with each other, we’re making a pretty good go at this marriage. And it’s worth it. You are worth it, and so is your marriage!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life -- and  marriage! -- is always better on the water!

The 3 P's of parenting: Poop, pee and puke. All in one night.

Before you have children, you are fairly grossed out by most bodily expulsions. For example, the thought of taking a damp cloth and wiping someone’s nasty little rear end is mostly disgusting. The thought of doing that five or six times a day is positively repulsive. What about pants that were peed on through the diaper that was advertised as being able to hold the entire contents of a whale’s bladder? Yeah, you touch those too, and yeah, no matter how careful you are, you touch a wet spot or two. Or three. And finally, the puked on shirt. It’s a miracle when the puke is only on the baby’s shirt! That’s almost reason to rejoice, mainly because that never happens. Babies are actually genetically engineered by God, to puke only when in close proximity to your cleanest garments.  

Ahhhhhh, parenthood.

If you’ve been blessed with children, you know you wouldn’t give your child back for all the money in the world! No amount of disgusting clean up could ever change how much you love your child. In fact, to the contrary, your capacity to take care of your child in their mess speaks volumes of your love.

When AJ was less than a year old, he was sleeping in his “big-boy” bed, and doing pretty well. One night, Traci and I tucked him into bed, and a couple of hours after we went to sleep, I was awakened by his cries for mommy and daddy. I told Traci that I’d take this one, so I got up and headed into his room. I was not prepared for the ambush that awaited me.

My little 12-month-old boy was sitting up, having just thrown up his latest meal. The room reeked of vomit...and what was that other sweet odor? Oh yes, he had clearly pooped in his pajamas, too. He did not look good, he was crying out and holding up his hands, begging for someone to pick him up. I just laughed. I told him when he got himself all cleaned up, I’d be glad to hold him, and then I went back to bed. “That little baby can take care of himself” I said to Traci as I lulled myself back to sleep.

Not really.

Instead, I called for backup and then I moved in and picked up my sweet little sprinkler head. He began to projectile vomit all over the room as I held him and tried to comfort him. Traci came in and almost dry heaved (she was pregnant) at the smell, but she didn’t have the joy of feeling the warm sensation I was feeling on my arm as AJ was emptying his bowels and bladder onto my shirt. The little flu bug he had was hitting our city hard, and later we learned that children were experiencing “severe reactions including diarrhea, violent vomiting” and, apparently, “total loss of bladder control.” I felt like AJ’s personal toilet.

We finally confined his projections to a blanket, he stopped firing, and ultimately calmed down. We washed him up in the bathroom, dried him off and like most traumatic events in a child’s life, he went to sleep and forgot all about it, while Traci and I spent the next hour cleaning up his room. We used an entire spray bottle of F’breeze, excessive amounts of carpet cleaner and went through five or six towels getting everything soaked up out of the carpet. I started the nastiest load of laundry I’ve ever done in my life. It was well past the middle-of-the-night when we finished cleaning up.

When we were done, Traci headed back to bed and I went in and checked on AJ one more time. As I sat there thinking about him holding out his hands, begging for me to pick him up -- I kid you not -- I began to tear up. It wasn’t just the foul odor that still filled my nostrils (I should have shot a spray of F’breeze up there!) it was the reality of the moment, the clarity of what had just happened.

In the moment of distress, it didn’t even cross my mind, but as I sat there afterward it seemed so obvious. My poor son, desperate for help, crying out for someone to hold him while sitting in his personal filth, was me. In fact, it is you and it is anyone who has ever walked on the face of the earth, except One. We are born with a condition that makes it impossible for us to know God on our own. We’re like AJ, we have no capacity to clean ourselves up, but just like my son, when we cry out for help, God comes to us.

And here’s the thing -- God doesn’t wait for you and I to clean up before He steps in. He doesn’t say, “You’ve lived a bad life, Joe. I’d like to have a relationship with you, but you’re going to have to do more to make me happy; you’re going to have to clean up your messy life and then I’ll hang out with you.” Instead He comes to me in my spiritual filth and offers a clean slate. He offers to do the cleaning, He just asks me to trust and follow Him.

I don’t know where you’ve come from or where you’re living right now, but I do know this: God is eager to help you clean up. He sees you for what you are, He knows all you’ve done, He’s been watching you puke, poop and pee your spiritual pants for years, and He’s ready to take you, just as you are. And once you enter into that relationship with Him, you become a son or daughter to Him, and the relationship never ends. Just as you could never do anything to begin the relationship, there is nothing you could do to end it, either.

I’m so glad God came into my life and cleaned me up. And I don’t know where I’d be today if He had abandoned me in those moments where I chose to return to my filth. But that’s the greatness of God, and truly one of the mysteries of His ways: He doesn’t leave us. We don’t deserve Him, we could never do enough to keep Him happy and pleased with us on our own, but He still comes to us. He still chooses to live with us, to take us in and always, always, offers forgiveness, hope and healing when we need it most. Somehow, in the craziness of the ups and does of life, He delights in us and loves to call us His children. Even though we never stop messing up our pants (hopefully we just mess them up less and less as we get older!), He never stops loving us.

Do you know His love? Have you come to Him and asked for a clean shirt? You can’t clean yourself up, so quit trying. You will never impress God with your own righteousness, so quit trying religion over a relationship. Instead, turn to Him in faith. Believe that He has opened a door for you through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and all you have to do is believe: Believe you’re stuck without Him. Believe you can’t save yourself. Believe that Jesus paid the price you couldn’t. Believe that God offers it freely to you.

You can’t live the Overboard Life without Jesus. He makes life on the water possible and remarkable!

30 down, 10 to go.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

I talked my way out of a ticket

There are few feelings worse than that sinking feeling you get when you’re driving, you look up, and you see the lights of a police car flashing behind you. When you pull to the right and the car zooms around you, you have this total sense of relief, but when he follows you to the side of the road, you have that sickening sense of doom; you’ve been caught.  

I generally try not to speed (much) and I’m not an angry driver weaving in and out of traffic, texting and screaming at people who don’t know I’m suddenly psychotic when I sit behind the wheel of a car. However, I have broken a few motor vehicle laws over the past 23 years of driving and on four occasions (three of them in 18 months) I was pulled over for said violations; and thankfully only had a ticket stick on one of those.

The first time I was pulled over occurred at 11:45 at night. I was taking my friend, Luree, home when I rolled through a stop sign at 5mph. It was 11:45 at night, there was no one at the 4-way stop, in fact the police officer was still 1/4 mile from the stop, but the truth was -- I never made a complete stop. Suddenly the lights were on, my adrenaline was pumping and I found myself on the receiving end of a $145 ticket. Even worse, I knew my parents would not be pleased because I was still on their insurance.

Two weeks later I had a court appearance on S. Lancaster Dr and I arrived plenty early for my hearing. I joined a rather large group of like-minded criminals and sat in the courtroom while people tried to weasel their way out of tickets. The judge was not easily moved, nor was he overly compassionate that day. He denied any mercy to the first five or six future convicts that made their cases before him.

Right before it was my turn, a young man in his early twenties tried to pull off the biggest sob story. He told the judge he was speeding but it wasn’t his fault. He was late to class (which also wasn’t his fault) and was trying to be a good college student (although the judge pointed out that his 3-f report card contradicted his statement). He blamed the weather, his friends and even his mom for the reason he was speeding. The judge didn’t budge. He lectured him on his poor driving, informed him that this third speeding ticket would probably revoke his insurance and assured him that one more violation in the next six months would also revoke his license.

The judge was not happy and now it was my turn.

After watching everyone before me try to convince the judge of their innocence and fail, I decided my best move was to simply to own my blunder. I stepped up to the bench as the judge looked over my rap sheet. He didn’t even look at me when he said, “It looks like you failed to stop at a stop sign.” I replied, “Yes sir.” He looked at my profile and said, “When I was a young man, they called that a California stop” to which I said, “They still do, sir.” He continued to study his papers, then said, “It looks like you just had a birthday...” (It was one week past my birthday) to which I quickly fired back, “Yes sir, and I was very disappointed you didn’t make the party.”

At this point, I wasn’t sure how much of a sense of humor our judge had, and was somewhat uncertain, even worried, that I was about to be thrown in jail for 15-20 years for trying schmooze a traffic judge. Instead, he looked up at me with a smirk. He then said, “I don’t remember receiving an invitation.” I laughed and said, “It must have gotten lost in all your paperwork.”

He shook his head, stamped something, scribbled his signature and handed me a form. “If you give this to the lady in back, and if you will attend a day of traffic school, I will wipe the ticket from your record like it never happened.” I happily received my reduced sentence, thanked the judge, and headed to the back table. There, the guy who had been up right before me was still arguing with the lady about how the polar vortex created a suction that made his car travel faster than the speed limit. I just smiled, paid my $15 court processing and fee and gladly accepted the exchange the judge had offered me.

While I was in back paying my fee and signing up for traffic school, the next person up was an 18-year-old girl who had received a moving violation for hitting a car (or mailbox...I can’t remember) while trying to paint her nails and drive. Like the others from earlier in the morning, she tried to use several excuses as to why she wasn’t guilty. Even before I was done, and while speed racer was still blaming global warming for his speeding issue, the judge tagged her hard with a hefty fine and a stern warning.

I thought it odd that no one just owned their guilt. In fact, had I not sat through several attempted sob story escapes, I’m certain I would have argued, too: “It was 11:30pm and no one was on the road...it was only 5mph...I didn’t hurt anyone...everyone does it....” And had I taken that approach, I’m sure I would have paid the full fine and would have been helping my parents pay the new insurance premiums.

In a strange way, that’s how so many of us approach our relationship with God. We don’t own our sin, and instead blame others. In a recent gallop poll, 74% of respondents who believed in heaven, said they were confident they would be going there when they died. An astounding 80% said they would get there because the good in their lives outweighed the bad. Now get this: Of those 80% that said the good would outweigh the bad, 75% of them based that on the “fact” that they lived by the 10 commandments, but only 2 in 10 could name more than 5 of the 10 commandments! So they agreed the standard for living was established by God, they were confident they were living by that standard, but they had no idea what the standard actually said!

God’s standard is impossible to live by perfectly -- you and I will always fall short. If we had to appear before Him and make a case for why He should allow us into Heaven, we would never make it, our rap sheet would be too long and the violations would be too many. In fact, just one violation of God’s law is too many, for His law demands perfection.

That’s the beauty of knowing God. He is a fair judge and knows that we have and will break His law. And while every violation must be punished with separation from Him, He accepts Jesus’ sacrifice as a sufficient payment for my violation. Jesus did what I couldn’t do, when He lived the perfect life, never breaking one of God’s laws. In doing this, He made Himself eligible to take my punishment, to be my traffic school, in order that I might have a right standing with God.

What do I have to do? I just have to own my sin, and accept Jesus’ free gift. I have to believe, in faith, that “Jesus died for my sins according to the Scriptures, and that He rose again, on the third day, according to the Scriptures” (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). If I admit my sin before God, acknowledging that there is nothing I can do to make up for my sin, and then accept Jesus’ act of sacrifice as payment for my wrong doing, then I can live in freedom despite a really long criminal history! Jesus mediates between me and the Judge.

And that is how the Overboard Life begins. It’s not a matter of sheer will power, or me trying to keep all the commandments perfectly. It’s about the fact that Jesus did what I couldn’t do, paying the price I couldn’t pay. He will advocate for me before the Righteous Judge, I just have to own my part and accept His help.

I hope you’ve done that in your life and have started the Overboard journey with Jesus. If not, thankfully, it’s never to late with God. There is nothing you’ve done, or could ever do, that would make it impossible for you to accept His mercy given through His Son. Embrace the forgiveness God offers you and then start living today for Him.

Go ahead and take the plunge into the sea of God’s mercy and love...life is definitely better on the water with Him!

Little sisters and other dangers of family

On August 1st, 1975, my chances of being the baby of the family ended abruptly. In a rather dramatic and quite rapid birth, my sister made an appearance as, not only the baby of the family, but as the only girl among three boys -- the proverbial “rose amongst the thorns.” Thus I was relegated to cheerful third born, and not spoiled last sibling.

While my sister may disagree that she was spoiled (the opinions of her three older brothers would stand in stark contrast to her own!), she was a blessed addition to our family. Yes, she may have been tortured by her older siblings. Yes, we may have shared a few laughs at her expense. Ok, ok, ok, I wasn’t always the kindest to my sister, but that too, was part of God’s work in my life.

In high school, Naomi and I couldn’t share the single bathroom in my parents house. (We disagreed strongly over usage times, and to this day, even after 17 years of being married to a woman, I still can’t figure out what takes girls so long in the bathroom!) The bathroom was just the battlefield where our disagreements emerged. I know I would antagonize her, and I think there was a time or two she might admit she was just arguing for the sake of a fight, too. My relationship to her was not pretty through the high school years.

It was during college, however, that I started to realize the problem wasn’t my sister -- the problem was me. As much as I wanted to blame her for taking up too much morning time in the bathroom, or be mad at her different perspective on promptness, the reality was that I was impatient, often unfair and frequently unkind. My sarcasm was sharp and hurtful. I still remember the day I sat down at my roommates word processor (any one remember those?) and wrote an apology letter to my sister. While I certainly hadn’t showed it, I actually longed to have a better relationship with her.

At the time, I was attending school in Iowa and when I got home for the summer, my sister and I did something we hadn’t done in years: we hung out together. We drove the hour drive from Salem to Portland and visited the zoo. We had a great time. I found out that my sister was absolutely hilarious and afterward, I met her boyfriend (future husband) for the first time. I’m thankful my sister was so gracious.

To this day, I’ve never forgotten what I learned from the frustration I used to feel toward my sister. Up until I wrote that letter in college, I always blamed her for the angst I felt; I never once thought that the source of the problem could rest with me.

Yet, that’s how most of us live. When conflict comes, we tend to blame those we’re in conflict with and rarely look to our own involvement. When we do look inward, it’s usually followed with a big “but” (I know I was mean, but....) I’m glad my sister and I were able to begin working on our brother/sister relationship. We still don’t always see eye-to-eye, but I love her and her family, and am so thankful that we enjoy spending time together and having our kids hang out together. She is an amazing mom and wife, and she is an awesome sister.

From the first day God put humans on the planet He did something amazing -- He connected them to each other. Adam wasn’t supposed to live alone, and even after Eve came on the seen, the two of them weren’t left alone for very long, either! We were created to be in relationships, first with God and then with one another.

And the reality of those relationships is this: they will experience hardship and brokenness because we live in a fallen world. None of us are perfect, and we bring our imperfections into every relationship we have. And when two imperfect people get connected (husbands/wives, brothers/sisters, neighbors) the possibility for struggle rises exponentially. So when I run into conflict with another human being, I have to remember that my imperfections are part of the problem, too, not just theirs!

I’m confident that’s why in the New Testament there are at least 32 different “One another” commands. Those “One Another” commands remind us to look through the imperfections of others, to try and acknowledge and work on our own, and to put the love and grace of God into practice. Here are a few of those commands, any of them resonate with you?

Love one another

Forgive one another

Be kind to one another

Build one another up [with your words]

Encourage one another

Pray for each other

Spur one another on to love and good deeds

Be compassionate with one another

Submit to one another

Bear each others burdens

Family is a great place to practice living out the one another commands of Scripture. I’m sorry it took me so long to learn that with my sister, but I’m thankful the last 20 years has been much better than the first 20 that I knew her. If you want to live an Overboard Life, you’ll have to come to the same realization I did -- relationship problems are a two-way street, and if you’re on the street, you’re part of the problem. We can’t fix others, (No, this isn’t an excuse to let others be cruel or unkind, and it’s not an excuse to be some one else’s doormat!) but we can resolve to live how Jesus wants us to, regardless of the response of others. As we say to our own children all the time, “Your response, is your responsibility.”

Is there a relationship you can work on today? Is there someone that you've cut off because you weren't willing to see your part in the problem? What "one another" command could you put into practice today? We were made for relationships, so let's work to make them the best they can be!

4 down, 36 to go.

Go ahead and take the plunge, relationships are always better on the water!

Why you need to have that tough talk!

By Joe Castaneda I think most people know that life is fullest when we live, and experience it with people we love. It’s not that we don’t love our down-time, and our solo journeys, but even those times are enjoyed more when we return and share them with other people. I have several friends who love solo-adventures in hiking, touring and even in their world travel. But they always post their pics on facebook, they send shout-outs to friends on Instagram and Twitter and they are engaging friends in their journey, because life is fullest when we share it with others.

The problem with sharing life’s journeys is that people can be a pain! Nothing can disrupt your life, ruin your morning or suck the joy from your soul more than people! So while we love sharing life with others, we also know that others can bring the biggest challenges in our lives.

There are two responses to the conflicts we have with others. The first generally involves blaming, occasionally some name-calling, a lack of grace and/or personal understanding (although this response is can often be masked in martyrdom, making it appear like a healthy does of grace!), often encourages avoidance, the holding of grudges and is almost always rooted in fear, hurt, reactionism and a lack of forgiveness. This is the response of victimhood.

The other response involves owning ones part, never name-calling and is filled with grace out of the recognition that we all make mistakes. This second response encourages engagement, quick forgiveness and is rooted in faith, love and pro-action*. This is the path of personal responsibility, and the path for anyone wanting to live the Overboard Life.

Nobody likes confrontation, but if you’ve been avoiding that hard conversation with someone, you’ve been living in victimhood! In Matthew 18 Jesus gave some incredibly clear teaching about personal conflict, and His teaching requires us to embrace our responsibility in a matter, and to have hard conversations. In the passage Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone...” Notice the responsibility for engaging in the tough conversation rests with the one who has been offended, the one who has been hurt.

Victims love to sit back and wait for the resolution to come to them, but Jesus says the one who has been sinned against, is the one who should initiate the restoration process. Why? I think it’s because when we don’t take care of those issues, they turn from little things, into big things. Marriages don’t usually end because of just one event. Marriages that end in divorce usually end because a bunch of little things turn into some big things, and soon, what maybe could have been mended through a couple of meetings with a counselor or pastor, now can’t be mended with years of outside help. Friendships don’t usually end with one offense. Instead, years of friendship can be brought to a halt after a pattern has developed of responding in victimhood (silence, martyrdom, lies “Oh, it’s fine, that didn’t bother me...”) to those interpersonal conflicts.

Obedience to Jesus’ words can bring healing today, so that the hurts of the future will require stitches and a bandaid, and not relational amputation! Is it easy? Not usually! Is it best? Always!

Here are few other nuggets that will help you have those difficult conversations:

1. Make sure you check your own heart and actions in the matter: Jesus once told a group of people to “Take the plank out of your own eye, so that you can see the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye.” In other words, make sure you’ve taken care of your own business before you try to help someone else with theirs. What a visual picture! Can you imagine some guy walking around with a six foot long, 2x4 sticking out of his eye? Then he clumsily comes walking up to you and says, “Whoa bro, you’ve got some sawdust in your eye hole, let me help you get that out.” That’s ridiculous. Make sure you’re not plank guy, trying to help sawdust guy. Sawdust guy needs help, but first, get that plank taken care of! 2. Be ready to forgive. When we approach someone with a hard conversation, be ready to forgive them on the spot! Peter reminds us, “that love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Jesus told His disciples that if someone comes and asks you to forgive them, then do it. Paul said in Colossians that we need to forgive as Christ forgives us. And how does Jesus forgive? Every time you ask, He freely forgives. Now forgiveness isn’t an excuse to be someone’s doormat (don’t confuse forgiveness with martyrdom), but rather, forgiveness is the power you and I have to release someone else from a debt so that restoration is possible. 3. If you are constantly in conflict with others, check the mirror before you head out the door. I have a friend who is always at odds with people in their life. This person can’t go to the grocery store without getting into an argument with a worker, another shopper or with someone in the parking lot. It’s unreal. I’ve known them for years, and they are always in conflict. If you’re ready to have a tough talk with some one, just check and make sure you know who’s at fault. I’ve often found that when I’m ready to pounce on someone who has hurt me, the reality is, that I’m the one that is in the wrong. Instead of going to confront, I need to go and confess and ask for forgiveness.

Is there someone in your life that you need to have that tough talk with? If you want to live the Overboard Life, you can’t go through your days ignoring the problems that arise in the relationships you have. Sure, the tough talks don’t always go like we want, but I know when I follow God’s plan for relationships -- when I check my own heart, make sure I’m ready to forgive and make certain that I’m ready to confess my own faults -- things go a whole lot better than when I live as a victim, and do nothing.

So go ahead and take the plunge, even your tough talks will be better on the water!

Working through some heartache in your life? My first book, Project Joseph, was written to help people navigate the pain of relationships and the struggles that we all face in life. Check it out, and see if it might help you better become who God wants you to be!

4 Things to do every day

On of my favorite books in the Bible is 1 Peter. I think I find myself relating most to him in Scripture, so I have a special affinity for his writings. Peter was impulsive, often spoke before he thought, was willing to step out, was often wrong and occasionally made things worse with the best of intentions. That’s my kinda guy!

Years ago I memorized 1 Peter 4:7-11, and it has become a passage that has guided my life. In part, because it’s so stinkin’ simple and practical. In part, it resonates with the kind of person I want to be. In many ways, it’s the heart of what an Overboard Life should look like. I would even go so far as to say that if you obeyed these four commands every day, you would truly be living life Overboard!

1 Peter 4:7-11: Four things to do every day

“The end of all things is near, therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray” (1 Peter 4:7)

Take time each day to connect with God in prayer. Pray for your family, your friends, your church and your pastor. Pray for God to help you see the God-moments of each day and pray for the grace to give to others in need. Pray and thank God for who He is, praise Him for His past goodness in your life, and praise Him for what He will do in the future. Make sure you’ve confessed your sin to Him and found His forgiveness and then work to keep the phone line between you and Him open -- pray throughout your day!

“And above all, love each other deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

I always marvel that when Jesus was leaving His disciples He told them this basic truth: the way people will know you belong to me is by how you love each other. Of all the traits God could have picked, he chose the issue of our brotherly love to be the marker that declares our allegiance to Him. Not our evangelism. Not our acts of service to the poor. Not the way we provide for our families, take care of our kids or parents, not the way we feed the needy, volunteer at the hospital or visit prisoners (all of which God has commanded us to do). No, the one mark that He said should distinguish us from others is our love. Love allows us to be a kind and forgiving to people, eager and ready to serve. Take time to intentionally show love to the people in your life. Choose forgiveness when it would be easier to be hurt or hold a grudge. Lavish love on someone every day and watch how you are affected by it.

“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9)

While the New Testament understanding of hospitality might be vastly different than ours today, the principle remains the same: be generous with the resources you have. Resources that could include food, money, clothing, shelter, transportation, time etc… In New Testament times, it wasn’t uncommon for a member of one church to come visit a town unannounced. That visitor may or may not know anyone in the town, but they could quickly find the Christians that gathered there, and they would have an immediate need for hospitality. Peter was reminding believers that sharing our resources is not only “nice”, it’s commanded and so is the spirit in which we are to do it -- “without grumbling.” In other words, happily share what you have! Take time each day to joyfully share your resources with others. What would it look like if you intentionally sought out opportunities to bless others with your time, or money, or house, or food or…??

“Each one should use whatever gifts he has to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10)

God has blessed each of us with talents, abilities and gifts that are to be used, not primarily for ourselves. He has gifted us that we might use those gifts in service to others. This flies in the face of mainstream culture which speaks so much about advancing yourself for your sake, or for getting everything you can out of what you have to offer. No, there’s nothing inherently wrong advancing in work or politics or society and there’s nothing wrong from benefitting financially (or in other ways) from your gifts. Peter is talking about a base motivation -- serving for gain vs serving for the benefit of others. I have a good friend who has a number of very profitable businesses. He has grown them by using his gifts, and he has been a very faithful administrator of God’s grace serving others. He has kept the service of others as the priority of his business, while still practicing good business. What would it look like for you to seek out ways to serve others, using your God-given gifts and abilities? What if, every day, you looked for at least one opportunity to bless someone else with a self-less act of service?

Living the Overboard Life is ultimately choosing to live in obedience with God’s Word. Peter gives us four practical ways to live Overboard every day. Will you seek to apply these four commands in your life today? Tomorrow?

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Check out the Overboard resources available to help you live the Overboard Life. Visit our online store at www.bookstore.overboardministries.com!

Take 3

Have you ever thought of the benefits of knowing God? I know, seems almost disrespectful to say there are “benefits” to being a child of God, like it’s wrong that we should get anything out of it. After all, we sinned, we broke the rules, Jesus had to die for us…why should we gain anything else out of that deal? We shouldn’t, but that’s part of what makes God’s love so amazing.

As you get going into your day today, take these three simple thoughts with you, all from Psalm 103:

David writes, “Praise the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not all his benefits:

[God] forgives all your sins (103:3): (spiritual healing)

Do I need to say anything else to this? Nothing you have done, or will do, could ever put you in a position to be unforgiven by God. He forgives murderers, rapists, drunks, crack heads, angry fathers, abusive mothers, rebellious children, road ragers, thieves, liars, adulterers and sex addicts. He forgives the humble and the arrogant, He forgives the heart breaker and vengeful. Anyone who calls out for forgiveness, will be forgiven by God. It is an awesome benefit of being one of His children.

[God] heals all of your diseases (103:3): (physical healing)

Not only is God able to meet all of our spiritual needs, He is able to meet all of our physical needs as well. In the Western world, we are so blessed by accessible medicine and medical advancements, but often we forget that the Great Healer needs neither. I’m all for medical breakthroughs and the appropriate use of medicine in the treatment of disease and physical illness. But even more, I’m grateful for a God who is able to heal completely. He doesn’t do partial healings. While He may choose to allow an illness to continue -- for reasons greater than I could ever fathom -- He isn’t limited any way, by any sickness. Even when I seek medical attention, I still call out to Him for divine intervention because it is a great benefit of knowing God!

[God] redeems my life from the pit (103:4): (emotional healing)

God meets my spiritual needs. God can meet my physical needs. But the benefit of knowing God goes another step -- He can redeem me from the emotional mess I often find myself in. God can lift the spirits of the depressed, mend the wound of a broken heart, bring peace where there is anxiety, strengthen faith where there is fear and He can rescue the lost wanderer. God loves His children and loves to reach into the mire of our heartache in order to bring healing and restoration.

Do you need to be forgiven today? Is your body in need of the Great Healer? Are you living in the pit right now, desperate for a way out? Go to the Lord today, and trust that He is able to come to your aid. Trust that He has not abandoned you, nor will He ever. Be encouraged, if you are a child of God, there are great benefits to knowing Him, you just have to step out in faith and trust His provision for your life.

Go ahead and take that plunge, life is always better on the water!

The 5-Phrase Challenge

We all know our words have a profound impact on the people and circumstances around us. My wife loves to say, “Change your language, change your life.” Last week she wrote an awesome blog on the power of changing how you say, what you say.

Today, I want to challenge you to bring some change to your language in a way that could profoundly alter your day, and the day of those you interact with. Take some time to thoughtfully use each of the following five phrases in the next 24-hours, and see what happens as you do.

1. “I forgive you.” That’s right, today, intentionally release someone who has wronged you. That crazy woman talking on her cell, drinking a cup of coffee while putting on her make up….and oh….trying to drive! Instead of screaming a profanity at the way she just cut you off, offer a word of forgiveness. Literally, out loud, say, “I forgive you.” Or maybe a coworker, boss, roommate or spouse has offended you? Today, release them of the debt they owe and tell them they are forgiven.
2. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” This verse is one of the most profound in Scripture, reminding us that God will give us all we need for the challenges He brings our way. When you are feeling lost, overwhelmed or under equipped, speak these sweet words of promise today!
3. “Everything works for my good, because my God is so big!” This isn’t cliche, it’s truth. God promises to take everything in your life and mine, and to use it for our very best if we’ll but trust Him. When you are faced with a hardship or difficulty, remind yourself verbally to trust God to make good work with your situation.
4. “I love you.” Don’t assume the people around you know you love them. Remind them with your words (and actions!) that you care deeply for them and their well-being!
5. “How can I serve you?” If you’re up for a real challenge, use this phrase with someone you wouldn’t ordinarily serve. You know, that employer who demands too much, and offers little thanks? Surprise them with “How can I serve you?” What about your kids? Your parents? your annoying neighbor? Dig deep and offer to serve.

Will you take up the challenge to use these five phrases today?

While living the Overboard Life is relatively simple, it is rarely easy. Every day you and I have opportunities to use our words and conversations to live Overboard, but just don’t think of how to do that ‘in the moment.’ By taking on today’s challenge, you are choosing to live Overboard, one conversation at a time!

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

Blast from the past!

While our pastor was preaching this past sunday, I was reflecting on some issues in my own life. I hate when a good preacher makes you do that. As a result, I wanted to write a blog that sounded a lot like a blog I had written almost exactly two years ago. After failing to rewrite my previously written thoughts, I'm reposting this post from September of 2011, but viewing it with fresh eyes. I hope you will, too.

It’s amazing how often illustrations for living the Overboard life are found in the most unexpected and unusual places. When I read the Bible, I love seeing how Jesus used water, bread, poor widows, fish, birds, money, boats, naked women caught in adultery and just about anything else to teach His disciples to live life out of the boat. A while back, I discovered lesson about the Overboard life from my back yard and a little skirmish I had with some Blackberry bushes. I wrote this a while ago and now seemed like a good time to share it with you.

[zoom in on author’s forehead as he enters trancelike state...he turns to the window and stares at a pile of cut-up and stomped-on brush...he clutches a bandaged finger...]

I spent the better part of two hours one morning last week, digging up some black berry bushes that have crossed over a barrier of which we had made a verbal agreement. I promised not to cut them down or poison them and they promised not to come past the fence line. Well wouldn’t you know it? apparently black berry bushes aren’t very good at keeping their word! During the fall and early spring, they moved into the SW corner of our yard so the battle was on.

After two hours of cutting away and digging, I learned some very important lessons about removing black berry bushes.  #1, don’t try to cut or dig them out while wearing shorts. #2, don’t forget to wear THICK gloves. #3, along with #2, don’t grab the roots bare handed, they have nasty little hook shaped thorns down there, too. #4, when you forget rules #2 and #3, your kids will think it’s hilarious when you place your hand between your knees, start jumping up and down while screaming something about black berry bushes, the devil and the fires of hell. #5, chasing your kids with the pruners after said incident is not advisable when your neighbor is a police officer. It was a very educational morning.

I also, interestingly enough, learned something about how to remove black berry bushes (bbbs). In this corner where the bbbs had taken over, the plants probably covered close to 100 square feet of land (a little 10’x 10’ area on the back 40). Although this is a lot of space, there were only 10-12 actual bbb stalks to be found. The plants grow horizontally as much as they grow vertically. In fact, one of the stalks had popped up on my neighbors side of the fence so I hopped over in order to remove the offending beast. This is when I found the deepest, darkest secret of all.

All 10-12 stalks where attached to the same “runner” root. About a 1/2” below the surface of the ground, this little demon root snaked it’s way all over the place and every one of the 10-12 stalks was some how connected to this evil creature. As I uprooted part of the stalk from my neighbors yard, I pulled up a portion of the beast and saw it went to a little 3-4 stalk out cropping on my side of the fence. I pulled it up there only to find that it zigged and zagged itself to another 4-5 stalk out cropping and then finally to the last 3-4 stalk outcropping. Of course, it originated from the other side of our previously agreed upon boundary, so this demon root was cut down and poisoned (it was the only humane way to deal with him). That was one week ago.

Today, I go back out there and found out the demon root had spawned a few lesser demons who were venturing even further from the

mason-dixon line. They too have been exterminated (in my best Arnold Schwartzeneggar voice)

Sneaky devils.

As I sipped an ice cold coca cola (the preferred drink of bbb killers everywhere!) after a couple more hours of smiting creepy crawlers, I reflected on something rather fitting. Those stinkin’ bbbs are a lot like sin that we leave unconfessed in our lives. You know, those “little” sins that we just ignore or pretend that some how God doesn’t see or won’t care about, those ones that we like to put into our closet and leave for a later time? The problem is, like the pesky bbbs in my yard, those sins don’t stay hidden, they don’t remain in the closet and we certainly can’t control them. Soon, a sin that only pops up once-in-a-while, takes root underground and before we know it, our heart is covered and being choked out.

Getting rid of sin isn’t an easy task, either, but like my bbbs, we have to do it at the root. We have to go after the sin, digging it out with the diligence that only comes from intimacy with God, poisoning it with the power of the Word and then persist in keeping a watchful eye so that it’s evil cousins don’t try to take back soil we’ve cleared. And like my bbbs, we must be wary of seasons in which the sin hibernates as it strengthens it’s roots and spreads itself in subtlety.

Some of my favorite words of Scripture are found in Psalm 119:9-11. Those familiar words of David have helped me fight sin on more than one occasion: “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your Word. I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” David knew about subtle sins that take root and then take over.  When he strolled across the rooftops of his palace in 2 Samuel 12, he knew he’d see some “sites”. That habit became a demon root that eventually led David to adultery, murder, cover up and horrible deceit. If the man after God’s own heart can lose ground, I better make sure I’m taking a double shot of God’s Word in my life and applying it’s truth to every root of sin that crops up.

Victory over sin is a lot like victory over bbbs. You’ve got to attack it aggressively and dig it out by the roots. Along the way, you’re going to get stung and you might even bleed. But after a little dance and a chasing of the kids around the back of the house, the yard looks a lot better and it’s a clean look that goes well below the surface.

Indeed.

[return to author...he returns his glance to the paper before him...he smiles]

God is calling all of us out of the boat and out to the water where Jesus is building His Kingdom. He even uses devilishly annoying blackberry bushes to make His call heard. How has God taught you about the Overboard life using the world around you? If you feel brave enough, share your thoughts with us in the comments -- I’d love to hear your insights!

Go ahead, take the plunge -- life is better on the water!

Whiners, victims and other people I emulate.

As most of you know, I enjoy sports. I enjoy playing sports of all kinds, I enjoying inventing sports (made up a few competitive games in my day) and I enjoy watching sports. If the competition is good, I’ll watch just about anything. I remember the night I realized how sick I was when I was watching a highly competitive dart throwing match on ESPN 2...at 3am after getting up with one of the kids.

A few weekends back the Players Championship was held by the PGA. Tiger Woods won the match on the fourth day of the tournament, following a verbal sparring match he had with fellow golfer, Sergio Garcia. A day before Tiger’s win, Sergio had questioned some of Tiger’s field etiquette, and Tiger basically called Sergio a whiner. Probably both guys were right!

But what interested me most was Sergio’s interview after the event. And in particular, this one line when Garcia was asked if there was anything he would change about his banter with Tiger:

“It sounds like I was the bad guy here. I was the victim.”

Let me begin by being particularly clear: I am not, nor ever have been, a professional golfer. Some who have golfed with me would be shocked by such a statement, but it’s true. I have never had my “Q Card” and have never been invited to one of the four Majors. So I don’t know what that kind of golfing pressure is like.

However, I think I’m highly qualified to speaking on the issue of victimhood. Playing the victim card doesn’t require any professional certification. In fact, some of the best victims have achieved nothing in life precisely because of how well they play that card. I have played that card myself on numerous occasions in my life.

Whether Tiger purposefully tried to hinder Sergio’s success in the Players Championship or not, will never full be resolved. From Sergio’s perspective, Tiger used the crowd to get into Sergio’s head. From Tiger’s perspective, he couldn’t even see Sergio’s play and therefore he did nothing to intentionally distract his opponent. But this one fact remains: Sergio is a victim.

But he was not a victim to Tiger’s alleged actions, he was a victim to his own mindset. He lost that tournament a few weekends back because he chose the path of least resistance -- he took the easy way out the moment he blamed Tiger. And worse? He will learn nothing from this event that will help him overcome a similar circumstance in the future.

Oddly, Sergio has never contacted me for life-coaching, but we can all learn from his choice to play victim. Just like you cannot win a pressure driven round of championship level golf while playing the victim, you cannot live the Overboard Life when you sit back and blame your failures and lack of progress on the actions of others. You can’t parent from faith while playing victim. You can’t forgive, love, give grace, offer truth or even get along with your spouse when you play victim. God didn’t give you a spirit of fear or weakness, but rather He offers His children one of tenacity and strength -- one that is able to overcome in every circumstance because God’s power rests behind it! (2 Timothy 1:7)

When victims are looking to be offended, Overboard-ers* are looking to provide mercy and grace. When victims blame others, Overboard-ers are accepting responsibility and rising up to the challenge. When victims are staying put in the boat because circumstances aren’t quite right, Overboard-ers are already on the water, striving to reach where Jesus is working. When victims can’t forgive because the hurt is too deep, Overboard-ers remember how much God forgave them, and they are eager to forgive and move forward. And when victims wallow in self-pity, Overboard-ers are moving forward in a God-given confidence that even the worst of circumstances can be used by an Almighty God to make priceless art from the most horrendous trash. You can’t live Overboard and play victim.

Imagine how much different Sergio’s interview could have been if he had rejected the victim card:

Reporter: Sergio, how much did the crowd, responding to Tiger’s play, affect your shot.

Sergio: Great question. I think I let it get to me more than I should have.

Reporter: Do you think Tiger was trying to mess with your mind?

Sergio: Wow, I hadn’t thought of it like that. If he was, that means he saw me as a threat to have won the tournament, and next time I’ll have to live up to that perspective. Whether he was, or wasn’t, the fact is -- I let it get to me and that’s why he won, and I didn’t.

Reporter: That is such a cheesy response.

Sergio: My life coach, Joe Castañeda, is helping me work on the mental side of my game, including my responses. Thank you for your brutal honesty, I’ll work on that too….

(I can dream, can’t I?)

These three things are true of everyone living as a victim:

1. Decision are based on fear, not faith.
2. You must find ways to blame others, instead of moving forward with personal responsibility.
3. More time is spent regretting, than rejoicing.

Rise above being a victim. Play at a high level in whatever ‘game’ God has called you to, and as you do, watch God do amazing work in and through you.

Go ahead and take the plunge, life is always better on the water!

*An “Overboard-er” [plural: Overboard-ers] is the term given to one choosing to live Overboard. Can be personalized, as in, “I am an Overboard-er”. Often used to describe someone who is perpetually grabbing the side of the proverbially boat and jumping sea-ward. For example, “That [insert name here] sure loves being an Overboard-er.

Friday Morning Fights

I just read an interesting study about self-destructive behavior. One of the items that caught my attention was this statement: “Humans have more self-destructive behaviors than any other creature.” It’s not that animals don’t have some behaviors that ultimately do more damage than good, to themselves, it’s just that they aren’t aware of the damage being done. A dog may not realize the long-term impact of chewing on his rear-end because of a battle with fleas, so even though it’s considered “self-destructive” (the dog is doing the damage to himself), it’s explainable.  

Humans, however, unlike animals, have a capacity to grasp the severity (or potential severity) of a behavior, yet continue to self-destruct. We’ve seen the long-term impact of drug use and abuse on others, yet hundreds of thousands of people hit the streets every day looking for another fix. They choose to destroy themselves, knowing that they are destroying themselves, unlike the dog who doesn’t know the negative impact of his actions.

Here is a top-list ten from the online article (not necessarily listed in any order):

1. Lying
2. Craving violence
3. Stealing
4. Cheating
5. Clinging to bad habits
6. Bullying
7. Body abuse (nip, tuck, tattoos, piercings etc...)
8. Stressing out
9. Gambling
10. Gossip

If you’re going to live the Overboard Life, you’ve got to call sin, “sin” -- not just “destructive behavior.” When we look at that top-10 list we see a huge list of sins. What jumps off this list to me is how subtle some of these sins are. Gossip is one of those behaviors we tend to accept because it’s has become a part of all of our conversations. Lying is ok as long as we only tell, “little white lies” and it’s only cheating if you get caught, right?

The article wasn’t written from a biblical stand point, so the author isn’t trying to bring a spiritual tone to the issue. However, he still points out that there is a scientific connection between self-destructive behavior and happiness. Those who make the top-10 bad-behaviors (sins!) habits, are less happy people.

This shouldn’t be a surprise to those wishing to please God by living the Overboard Life. It is impossible to please God while willfully choosing to live in sin. My daughter gave me a perfect example of my own shortcomings a few weeks ago. We had one of those mornings in getting ready for school for one day. My middle child was experiencing frustration with everything I said that morning. Then when I reminded it her to empty the dishwasher (her chore for the week), she told me “No!” When I asked her to pick up her room, she said, “No!” We battled, she experienced some consequences to her behavior and when we left, she was mad, I was made, and there wasn’t a whole lot of conversation between us on the way to school.

But it was Friday, and on Fridays, Traci and I volunteer in the kids’ classrooms to grade all the homework from the week. My first stop is BJ’s classroom, so I popped in to grab the big homework pile and jump into my work. What happened? As soon as I walked into class, BJ jumps up, runs to the door, says, “Daaaaaaaaaddddeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy!” and proceeds to give me a big hug and several kisses. It was like the last 75 minutes hadn’t happened.

When I left, she gave me two more kisses and another hug, and was suddenly as sweet as sunshine. I was actually ticked, and when she came home that day, we had a little chit-chat about what happened. I was trying to be genuinely thankful for her display of affection at school, but that’s hard to do when we had the tough morning we had. You see, in regards to her relationship to me, she had been living in disobedience all morning , then suddenly she wants to cover me with hugs and kisses at school. We had yet to resolve the issues pertaining to her morning actions, so her affection seems shallow and empty. And it was.

But how often do we do the same thing with God? We stay up late Saturday night, maybe watching something full of moral filth, or hanging out with friends in a context that is less-than-pleasing to God, or like me and Traci before we were married, spending time with a boyfriend or girlfriend in a way that dishonors God’s plans for relationships -- but then go to church on Sunday and want to worship God! We sing the right words, we greet the right people, we listen to the sermon and we even talk about it on the way home from church. But the problem is  -- we haven’t taken care of the behavior(s) before Sunday to make Sunday a true worship experience.

When you and I intentionally choose a path of sin, living out the the top-10, self-destructive habits (or creating our own top-10!) we have no business going back to God to engage in conversation or worship, or to claim we are living the Overboard life. We must regularly clean the slate with God before we try to worship Him in our living. And it’s not that God demands perfection, but when we are aware of our sin, we must confess it to Him and receive His forgiveness. This will make our worship, worthwhile.

I love my kids, and am so thankful for the days I see a behavior in them that is a reflection of my own relationship to God. Often it’s a humbling, but necessary, part of my own growth as I keep trying to grab the sides of the boat, to leave the comfort of the boat, and live out on the water where Jesus is building His Kingdom.

Go ahead and take the plunge -- life is better on the water!

Evil blackberry bushes

It’s amazing how often illustrations for living the Overboard life are found in the most unexpected and unusual places. When I read the Bible, I love seeing how Jesus used water, bread, poor widows, fish, birds, money, boats, naked women caught in adultery and just about anything else to teach His disciples to live life out of the boat. A while back, I discovered lesson about the Overboard life from my back yard and a little skirmish I had with some Blackberry bushes. I wrote this a while ago and now seemed like a good time to share it with you.

[zoom in on author’s forehead as he enters trancelike state...he turns to the window and stares at a pile of cut-up and stomped-on brush...he clutches a bandaged finger...]

I spent the better part of two hours one morning last week, digging up some black berry bushes that have crossed over a barrier of which we had made a verbal agreement. I promised not to cut them down or poison them and they promised not to come past the fence line. Well wouldn’t you know it? apparently black berry bushes aren’t very good at keeping their word! During the fall and early spring, they moved into the SW corner of our yard so the battle was on.

After two hours of cutting away and digging, I learned some very important lessons about removing black berry bushes.  #1, don’t try to cut or dig them out while wearing shorts. #2, don’t forget to wear THICK gloves. #3, along with #2, don’t grab the roots bare handed, they have nasty little hook shaped thorns down there, too. #4, when you forget rules #2 and #3, your kids will think it’s hilarious when you place your hand between your knees, start jumping up and down while screaming something about black berry bushes, the devil and the fires of hell. #5, chasing your kids with the pruners after said incident is not advisable when your neighbor is a police officer. It was a very educational morning.

I also, interestingly enough, learned something about how to remove black berry bushes (bbbs). In this corner where the bbbs had taken over, the plants probably covered close to 100 square feet of land (a little 10’x 10’ area on the back 40). Although this is a lot of space, there were only 10-12 actual bbb stalks to be found. The plants grow horizontally as much as they grow vertically. In fact, one of the stalks had popped up on my neighbors side of the fence so I hopped over in order to remove the offending beast. This is when I found the deepest, darkest secret of all.

All 10-12 stalks where attached to the same “runner” root. About a 1/2” below the surface of the ground, this little demon root snaked it’s way all over the place and every one of the 10-12 stalks was some how connected to this evil creature. As I uprooted part of the stalk from my neighbors yard, I pulled up a portion of the beast and saw it went to a little 3-4 stalk out cropping on my side of the fence. I pulled it up there only to find that it zigged and zagged itself to another 4-5 stalk out cropping and then finally to the last 3-4 stalk outcropping. Of course, it originated from the other side of our previously agreed upon boundary, so this demon root was cut down and poisoned (it was the only humane way to deal with him). That was one week ago.

Today, I go back out there and found out the demon root had spawned a few lesser demons who were venturing even further from the

mason-dixon line. They too have been exterminated (in my best Arnold Schwartzeneggar voice)

Sneaky devils.

As I sipped an ice cold coca cola (the preferred drink of bbb killers everywhere!) after a couple more hours of smiting creepy crawlers, I reflected on something rather fitting. Those stinkin’ bbbs are a lot like sin that we leave unconfessed in our lives. You know, those “little” sins that we just ignore or pretend that some how God doesn’t see or won’t care about, those ones that we like to put into our closet and leave for a later time? The problem is, like the pesky bbbs in my yard, those sins don’t stay hidden, they don’t remain in the closet and we certainly can’t control them. Soon, a sin that only pops up once-in-a-while, takes root underground and before we know it, our heart is covered and being choked out.

Getting rid of sin isn’t an easy task, either, but like my bbbs, we have to do it at the root. We have to go after the sin, digging it out with the diligence that only comes from intimacy with God, poisoning it with the power of the Word and then persist in keeping a watchful eye so that it’s evil cousins don’t try to take back soil we’ve cleared. And like my bbbs, we must be wary of seasons in which the sin hibernates as it strengthens it’s roots and spreads itself in subtlety.

Some of my favorite words of Scripture are found in Psalm 119:9-11. Those familiar words of David have helped me fight sin on more than one occasion: “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your Word. I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” David knew about subtle sins that take root and then take over.  When he strolled across the rooftops of his palace in 2 Samuel 12, he knew he’d see some “sites”. That habit became a demon root that eventually led David to adultery, murder, cover up and horrible deceit. If the man after God’s own heart can lose ground, I better make sure I’m taking a double shot of God’s Word in my life and applying it’s truth to every root of sin that crops up.

Victory over sin is a lot like victory over bbbs. You’ve got to attack it aggressively and dig it out by the roots. Along the way, you’re going to get stung and you might even bleed. But after a little dance and a chasing of the kids around the back of the house, the yard looks a lot better and it’s a clean look that goes well below the surface.

Indeed.

[return to author...he directs his glance to the paper before him...still clutching his bandaged finger...he smiles]

God is calling all of us out of the boat and out to the water where Jesus is building His Kingdom. He even uses devilishly annoying blackberry bushes to make His call heard. How has God taught you about the Overboard life using the world around you? If you feel brave enough, share your thoughts with us in the comments -- I’d love to hear your insights!

Go ahead, take the plunge -- life is better on the water!