You are always being watched. I don't mean by the secret service or some other government agency, although they could be watching too. :) You are being watched by the people around you: your children, your parents, your Facebook friends, your community, etc. Anyone you come in contact with on a regular basis has the opportunity to watch your life and your reaction to the circumstances of your life.Read More
wife, mom, coach, & entrepreneur
Filtering by Tag: victim
I did some calculating and discovered that I am in a pinch. Have you ever been there? Everything seemed good but then, when I looked at the situation more closely, I found myself in a big pinch. The cause of a pinch comes in various forms - emotional, relational, financial or even a health. Regardless of the reason the pressure of a sudden pinch almost knocks my feet right out from underneath me. I feel pressure, uncertainty and my mind is scrambling unsuccessfully for a quick solution. I need and want a solution, but when I am in the midst of panic a solution is the last thing I can come up with. All I can see are the problems, the uncertainties, the guilt and the blame. I have a simple process I work through (and am working through right now) to get myself in a place where I can see the solution.
1) Name the problem. I admittedly am in a bit of denial when I first find myself in a pinch. I don't want to believe this is happening; I want to take a nap and have it disappear while I sleep. Therefore, I must name in detail the problem at hand. There is no room for beating around the bush. It is time to call it exactly what it is.
2) Own my part. I do not usually find myself in a pinch and also find myself 100% free of anything to own. In my current pinch I made choices over the past several weeks and even months that have placed me in my situation. I acknowledge and say these choices out loud. By doing this I free my creativity to come out and do its work.
3) Brainstorm solutions. This is where the creativity comes out and is most crucial. Brainstorming is not about thinking inside the box or being reasonable. It is about possibility and super creativity. Any idea is ok in brainstorming; even if an idea is ridiculous and does not work, it may be the one that causes me to think of the idea that does work.
4) Choose and move. Once the brainstorming is complete then it is time to choose a course of action. I like "choose and move" because putting feet (action) to the plan is critical. My choices put me in the pinch in the first place and my choices (different ones) are going to move me into a better place whether it be emotional, relational, financial, health or countless other pinches.
What about you? Are you in a pinch? Do you want out? What is your plan of action to get out of that pinch? These choices are not always easy, but they are always worth it!
I have really enjoyed reflecting on life through this blog. I am so grateful for feedback from many of you, and for the opportunity to encourage many more of you to live your own extraordinary journey. I love writing about great experiences, influencial moments and opportunities fully embraced. Today, however, is not one of those times. I set a few goals 89 days ago. The deadline is here - tomorrow - and I did not complete the goals.
My awesome, convicting and sometimes annoying (I usually feel that way when I am being a victim) coach, Tony, often reminds me that "sometimes you win and sometimes you learn". The only way that a failure is truly a failure is if I don't learn. So today, on the precepice of my 90 Day Challenge, I choose to learn and to share a couple of those lessons with you.
Lesson #1: Enlist Accountability
When I make a goal (commitment) I must set up firm accountability. I must enroll people on my "team" that will hold my feet to the fire. And in order for this to happen I must share my commitments with them openly. I recognize that I did not enlist firm accountability for the long, 90 day, haul. It looked pretty good for the first 30 days, but then I let things slide. It is difficult to enlist firm accountability without being firm in my commitments. Honestly I was not very firm in the commitments or action plan that would take me to my goal.
Lesson #2: Embrace Commitment
One goal I made was in relation to my health and releasing inches around my waist. Eating sweets does not serve me in reaching this goal. I really love sweets, but I committed to go without. That's a great commitment but the problem is that I did not commit to going without sweets for the entire 90 days. I decided I would go until I no longer craved them. Go ahead and shake your head. I'm shaking mine too. What was I thinking? I made it 30 days with no sweets and I no longer craved them, but by day 37 I could no longer leave the sweets alone. My commitment was weak. My action plan was non-existent and I payed the price.
Lesson #3: Execute an Action Plan
Executing an action plan would require creating an action plan. Again, a 30 day action plan is not sufficient for a 90 day goal. Creating daily, weekly and monthly plans are critical in order to create real success. Sad to say, but I took more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" approach rather than developing a clear, concise action plan.
These lessons are great, but this learning is only as valuable to me as my willingness to implement change in the future. What goals are on your horizon? What are doing to ensure success on your extraordinary journey?
I have found a lot of wisdom in the pages of Dr. Suess, including this quote from Oh The Places You'll Go. This book was given to me when I got on the plane for my first year of college over 20 years ago. I have referenced this book many times over the years and this section seems very fitting today.
"Except when you don't.
Because sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
is not easily done."
I have not yet found it within myself to embrace slumps. I want to be energized, excited, and extraordinary every moment of every day. . . but then life has a lot of ordinary moments too. Today's thoughts are not necessarily about avoiding slumps altogether, but about how to get out of them more quickly. If you don't want to face any slumps or obstacles in your life then I suggest you don't go for the extraordinary - stay in your safe, comfort zone - and you will live a much simpler (and I think, far less rewarding) life.
How to shorten the "except when you don't" times:
1) Kick the Victim Mindset to the Curb. The victim mindset is about blaming your life and your problems on anything and everything.
2) Embrace the Empowered Mindset. The empowered mindset is about owning the fact that you have chosen what you have in your life, and owning your response to the things you can't control.
- Your financial situation - own your part (the things you chose to buy, money you chose to spend, house you chose to purchase).
- Your kids who are causing you grief - own your part (you chose to have those kids, or at least made choices that caused you to have those kids).
- Your problems with your boss or co-workers - own it (you choose to work there - yes! you choose to work there).
WOW! Those are convicting. I will address these in a future blog because victim/empowered has been a huge lesson for me!
3) Accountability. Who do you have in your life that will lovingly tell you the truth? Who do you have in your life that cares more about the big picture of your life than the comfort you may experience for a moment?