From Bitterness to Betterness
Traci
I recently wrote a journal entry that I think is worth sharing with you today. I hope it challenges you in your own journey toward an extraordinary life. This is not edited. It is raw, real, and straight from the heart. If you want a little back story, you will find it here. In the past six months I have had three different people from three different states invite me to look at different parts of Beth Moore's study, Children of the Day. Last week I watched the video for lesson one and the culminating point was for us to be directly taught by God.
The gist of this final point was that God uses things in our pathway - even painful experiences and people - to move us where He wants us. He uses these things in order to speak truth into our hearts. The problem is that often I am focused on the problems and the people causing the pain so much that I miss the teaching and voice of God. I must push through the crap and the hurt . . . this active fight to put myself at the feet of Jesus.
I have been so distracted this past week by my hurt and my pain. It resulted in being physically sick which resulted in lots of down time, lots of thinking time, and unfortunately lots of stewing and brewing time over all that transpired these past 4-8 weeks.
I realized today, that in some crazy way, I am still holding out hope that this will be resolved and we will be asked to (and want to) stay. I can’t comprehend how it would even work, but I hold out this hope that Joe will be acknowledged, justified, and that all will be “well”. It’s so crazy! The thinking is not very logical, but I think I let myself think that way because I don’t know what to do.
Interesting words Joe sent to me from the Message, Hebrews 12:4-11:
“In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you . . . So don’t feel sorry for yourselves . . . My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also correct. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. . . embrace God’s training so we can truly live . . . God is doing what IS best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. So don’t sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet!”
My heart and mind have been drudging and dragging into bitterness this past week. It is time to stand back up, stand firm, and fight the good fight in front of me. It is time to stop fighting (in my mind) against those who've hurt us and to figure out what, in this moment and in the weeks to come, I am going to fight FOR! Will I fight for my health? Fight for my business? Fight to create solid residual income so we can pay off debt? Fight to have a rockin’ marriage? Fight to bring joy back into our home? Fight to get my butt back in the game?
What are you for
I’m not talking about pretending that the pain no longer exists, but I am talking about no longer wallowing in that pain. I’m talking about finding purpose and pleasure in the moments I do have right now. I will not get this day or this week or the next month back. This is the one I have. This is the opportunity I have to learn the lessons I need to learn, in order to be the woman I need to be in order to do all God has for me and my family.
We are beyond grief survival mode. Yes, there is still grief, but I don’t want to live constantly in that grief. I don’t want it to become my badge of honor. I want God’s goodness, mercy, love, and kindness directly from Him and through His people to be my banner. It’s time to wave that banner high. Time to hold my head high, stand in confidence, find order and self-control, and move passionately toward what God has for us next.
I am praying Lord, that You will make the next steps crystal clear. I am praying that You will allow clarity and forward movement each day, even if it is just a little. I am asking that You guide us, draw us, and lovingly take us into the best possible next steps for us individually, as a couple, and as a family.
I choose to Be Extraordinary!
(I’m Traci, the "Be Extraordinary!" blogger. I share insights that challenge and encourage moms to be the best version of themselves. To me, that’s an extraordinary life! Click HERE to receive blog updates and a free newsletter.)